Can you feel good, feel self confident, even if your clothes are rather shabby?  There is the argument that you should be proud of yourself no matter what you are wearing. Clothes should be a nice "finishing touch", but ultimately its the person underneath that either shines with confidence, or shirks in the shadows.

To some extent it does come down to your attitude to what you wear. If you are financially hard up and aware that the clothes you are wearing have seen better days, then you will be self conscious and that awareness will affect you.

An easy "unhelpful thought" to slip into is mind reading. We imagine others are having critical thoughts about us, ripping our clothes to shreds in their minds and ridiculing us for what we look like – even tough we have no idea what other people are thinking.

Alternatively, some people are oblivious to the opinions of others and feel confident whatever they wear.  There are highly successful people don't give a damn about appearance or fashion, feeling good about themselves whatever they are wearing.

The Donkey Jacket that Wasn't

Some people can look shabby in even the most expensive clothes. A famous British politician, Michael Foot, died this week at the age of 96. A one time leader of one of our main political parties, he had many achievements to his name. Yet, sadly, every obituary flags up that he was lampooned and highly criticised was wearing a "donkey jacket" at a memorial service and

"looked more like an Irish navvy than a party leader".

This happened nearly 30 years ago, and ironically the coat he was wearing wasn't a donkey jacket (a type of coat worn by labourers) but a new, expensive coat that shouldn't have generated any criticism at all.  The problem was,  Michael Foot  had the gait, posture and general physical stature that always made him look somewhat shabby.

Whatever he wore, he never looked the part of a statesman, a great leader.  Yet when he spoke, he was one of the best orators this country has known!

An Englishman Abroad

Another interesting person was Guy Burgess. Infamous as a spy who defected to the then Soviet Union in 1951.  Seven years later he made contact with actress Coral Browne who was touring the country with the Royal Shakespeare Company. He persuaded her to measure him up and arrange for his tailors in London to make him some new suits.

This true story was wonderfully dramatised in a 1983 film, An Englishman Abroad.  I saw it on television again a few months ago and what stuck so vividly in my mind was how the rather pathetic, alcoholic figure of Burgess was transformed when was able to dress himself in elegant suits. Parading around in a country where everyone else was by default "shabby", you could see him suddenly filled with self confidence and stature.

Self Confidence from What You Wear

OK, so it was a dramatisation. But to me  still an accurate illustration of how wearing "the right" clothes can transform how you feel about yourself.  It may not make a difference for everyone, and (as with Michael Foot) may be only part of the equation.

One habit I have changed, to good effect, is stopping dressing down at weekends. I'd never been a great one for paying too much attention to clothes, and tended to slob around in very scruffy clothes when not at work.Trouble was, this ultimately was reflected in my behaviour and how I felt. 

After being dragged out shopping by my wife I made a conscious decision to look reasonably smart and take a bit more care about my appearance. If the weekend has purpose, why not dress that way (I should add I'm not the sort of person who spends much time gardening, decorating or generally getting dirty at weekends if i can help it!)

Does what you wear make a difference to you, or does your confidence remain consistent whatever you wear?

photo by cod_gabriel on flickr

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One of my favourite posts is  How to Develop Will Power. As I say within it, will power is a somewhat overlooked characteristic within personal development writing. Its something we generally perceive as “difficult” or something we don’t possess.

We can all conjure up times we’ve  given into temptation (and had that cake) or apathy (didn’t go to the gym) – in other words been weak willed. And its very easy to fall into black and white thinking, mentally beat ourselves up, and use those slip ups as irrefutable evidence that we don’t have will power.

My reasons for bring this up again are twofold.

1) As the earlier post discusses, will power (or mental strength, however you want to re-frame it) is a useful character trait to develop as part of building self confidence.

2) It links in well with a new theme I’ve recently added to this blog – finding fulfilment. And a big part of feeling fulfilled, is getting in the habit of doing – pursuing the occupations that give us satisfaction.

Find Your Passion

Its been said by many that the key to success and fulfilment is to pursue your passion.  And if you do what you love, follow this passion, then its “not work”.  If you do what brings you great pleasure, then life is one long vacation.

Mmm, perhaps. Let me quote Nate St Pierre  posting on the excellent Escaping Mediocrity blog:

The truth of the matter is that, no matter what all the folks who are “internet famous” will tell you, passion is not profitable. You can work as hard and long as you want at something you love, but unless it’s something that people are willing to pay for, you’re not going to make any money at it. And even if they are willing to pay for it, you have to have a fair amount of business sense to make it profitable enough to turn it into a full-time job.

The other problem with trying to pursue your passions, is that most things we do have “boring bits”. The actual bit we enjoy may be surrounded by monotony.

• Think of film actors, repeating numerous “takes” or hanging around for their scene. Or being endlessly asked the same questions by a succession of journalists in a stuffy hotel room.
• Musicians, spending hours on the road and living out of suitcases for the thrill of a couple of hours on stage.
• Sportsman and women, spending many, many hours training and perfecting their skills.

The people above are those many of us envy, wish we could be in their shoes. We see the glamour, the adulation, the money – but seldom see the effort and associated boredom.

What is Fulfilment

A good definition of fulfilment is

a feeling of pleasure because you are getting what you want from life.”

Why don’t we spend more time pursuing our passions then. If you separate earning a living from the equation for the moment, most people still have many hours a week when we could pursue passions, or any other interests.

Sadly most people try to find fulfilment through instant pleasure. We overeat, drink alcohol, use every labour saving devise available to try and get that feel good factor.  We slump in front of television sets, passively being “entertained”. And above all else, we avoid possible discomfort.

Fulfilment involves effort. Commitment. And even a smidgen of will power.  As we get older its easy to let hobbies and interests slip by. We take the line of least resistance.  Whatever passion that once drove us to pursue a particular activity is lost.

Photo365

To reverse this trend we need to set ourselves projects (lets get away from talk of goals for the moment!). Find a way of rekindling that excitement.

Let me give you an example. If asked about hobbies and interests I always list photography, which I have enjoyed since my teens.  However, the extent to which I have actively pursued this hobby has varied. My camera started to get dusted off to take snaps of the children or capture our holidays.

Since the start of January I have taken part in a “photograph a day” project.  I’ve uploaded my efforts onto Flickr, where there is a Project365 group, where hundreds of others are doing the same thing.

Now it sounds pretty simple, and it is.  But making myself take that photo each day has been quite challenging.  I’ve carried my camera virtually everywhere when not at work (hospital – not allowed). And I’m constantly on the look out for photo opportunities – I’ve found my enthusiasm has been recharged.

Now this hasn’t transformed me into a great photographer – some of my results are still pretty naff. But it has got me taking photographs – non of the photos on this page would have been taken if I hadn’t taken on this project.

So look at ways of stepping out of your comfort zone, which needn’t be a big stretch.  Create projects that will get you challenging yourself, improving a skill, looking at things in a different way. Shake off that staleness, rekindle a bit of passion. Who knows, you may enjoy it!

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Control is an interesting concept that affects our self confidence. If we don’t feel in control of a situation, for whatever reason, it is likely that our anxiety levels will increase.

The lack of control doesn’t have to be real. We can conjure up in our imagination all sorts of scenarios where a future situation may go wrong. If you are due to give a speech you may imagine “drying up”, stumbling over words, people not laughing at your jokes, people being upset at what you have said.

Lack of Control

In my opening post I suggest that we have to accept this lack of control. To build self confidence in an uncertain world, with variables out of our control, its more useful to deal with the anxiety than fight a futile battle to gain control.

Feeling anxious, stressed, and at the mercy of others is bound to affect our confidence in our ability to perform the task required. And confidence is selective – whilst lacking confidence about giving a speech you may be very confident in other areas, such as talking with friends in any small groups or individually.

A top sportsman may be supremely confident when performing in front of thousands in a stadium, but lack confidence when required to talk about the event afterwards. Unfortunately, like anything with anxiety at its core, it can spread if doubts regarding one scenario start creeping into others.

The Interview

An interesting way to reflect on this is to look at going for a job interview.  If its a job you really want, and feel you are qualified to be offered, then you can:-

Undermine Your Confidence

…. by thinking “what ifs” before hand:-

what if I can’t answer a simple question

what if I answer wrong

what if I sweat too much

what if they don’t like me…

or “some-things bound to go wrong or I’ll mess up”

Boost Your Confidence

You can prepare well and boost your confidence:-

ensure you are well groomed

prepare answers to likely questions

rehearse an interview with a friend or colleague

prepare questions to ask the interviewers

talk yourself up, rather than down

Optimistic or Pessimistic

On the latter point, reflecting on the last post I wrote on optimism, it does reinforce that being optimistic helps rather than pessimism. Being optimistic does put you in a better frame of mind, which will be reflected in your body language. This is far removed from believing by thinking positive the job is as good as yours!

By being optimistic you do set yourself up for feeling really down if you are unsuccessful. But however well you prepare for an interview there are things you have no control over:-

the other candidates

the questions that are asked

any hidden agendas

In life  the opposite of being in control isn’t so much being out of control but learning to live with uncertainty.  I would argue this is essential in the modern world, where so much we cannot control. But rather than fear this or run away from it, learn to relish it. See it as part of being alive – how boring life would be otherwise!

Anyone for Tennis?

Since I started to write this post we have suffered the highs and lows of following Andy Murray trying to win the Australian Open.  He probably did everything correct physically, mentally and any other way to prepare for the final against Roger Federer.

Unfortunately for Andy, he cannot do anything to “control” Federer.  Had a lack lustre Federer turned up, Andy Murray may well have won. But the bottom line is, however confident, however mentally prepared, you cannot beat someone who has more talent!

photo by metaphox on Flickr

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Are you an optimist? Do you naturally look on the bright side of any situation? Do you expect the best outcome – or the worst? The reason I ask is I have just read that

"Optimism is the foundation on which all self confidence is built".

Whilst I'm more of an optimist that pessimist, I had never seen optimism as such a building block for self confidence.

The quote comes from blogger Bud Bilanich, who brands himself  "the Common Sense Guy". His thoughtful post Haiti, Optimism and Success takes in how people can still be optimistic despite great devastation and how ultimately most of our troubles and worries  pale by comparison.

Bud has three steps to self confidence:-

First, choose optimism.  Believe in your heart of hearts that today will be better than yesterday, and that tomorrow will be better than today. 

Second, face your fears and act.  Procrastination and inaction feed fear and rob you of self confidence.  Action cures fear. 

Third, surround yourself with positive people.  Don’t let the naysayers into your life.  Hang around with people who are positive about themselves, their careers and life in general.

Positive Thinking

Is this too simplistic?  And whilst I think optimism is a more narrow concept that positive thinking, are they basically the same thing?  "Positive thinking is the foundation on which  self confidence is built" doesn't sound so good!

In the UK there has been quite a bit of publicity for Barbara Ehrenreich's recent book, Smile Or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World.  I've only read the reviews, but it seems she gives the whole culture of positive thinking a good kicking. To her the belief that everything will turn out right in the end if we remain optimistic and upbeat is "delusional".

In my view, Barbara's target is more at the Law of Attraction end of the positive thinking spectrum. Her comment about motivational speakers:-

"They are brought in to corporate meetings and the message is, again and again: you can have whatever you want so long as you focus your thoughts on it. I think that's nuts, frankly."

I also think that is "nuts", and have written before (Do you believe in fairies?) challenging those who believe that the act of thinking itself can lead to things happening.

The Optimist Creed

I don't think being optimistic, expecting positive outcomes, is wrong – so long as you don't become unrealistic.   And if you go into something expecting a negative outcome (pessimism) then its hard to equate that belief with self confidence.

So take action with an expectation of success, having created that expectation by preparation.  Bud writes about an organisation I have never heard of called Optimist International and says he has a copy of their creed in his office:-

The Optimist Creed

Promise Yourself:

• To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
• To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
• To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
• To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
• To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
• To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
• To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
• To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
• To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
• To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

As he says, it does contain a great deal of common sense. What do you think?

photo by Robert Bahn on Flickr

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This is a great video on building self confidence, albeit rather slick. Its worth spending the three and a half minutes to watch it. Sharon Melnick illustrates how people try to build self confidence by using indirect methods, rather than going direct. She focusses on work situations, but the ideas are applicable anywhere.

Indirect methods are very much tied up in having a concern about what others think of you.  You direct your energy and attention to managing others perceptions of you, not building real confidence. I'm very conscious that this is something I have done in the past. There are two types of indirect confidence building:-

Borrow Confidence from Others

This way you go out of your way to get other people to notice you – to earn a "pat on the back".  Its also a form of seeking reassurance and validation from other people, be it peers or boss. For example:-

Staying late or arriving early (and making others aware)

Over promise what you can do

Bringing others attention to something you have done well

Ask others opinion (when you know yourself) to give you an opportunity to show your knowledge

Interrupting others to show how much you know

Avoid Disapproval

This is more passive. You go out of your way to avoid being judged or endure the disapproval of others.  Its a way of protecting what we have.

Not speak up at meetings

Not share your ideas with others

Procrastinate – not put work on table for others to see

Not delegate, get stuck in details

The solution, Sharon says , is to:-

Go Direct

I must admit, this part of the video isn't as clear as the first.  I think just being aware of being indirect is an important first stage. If you can catch yourself doing these things you can start correcting the bad habit you've got into. And if you're changing habits, then the title should be "build self confidence slowly but surely".

"Go Direct" is about focussing your energies on what is most important, driving towards your vision.  When tempted toward indirect behaviour, use this vision to pull you back on course.

This isn't always possible though, especially if we are employed. We can't always do what excites and engages us.

My take on going direct is to focus on doing a good job.  We all have strengths and talents and most jobs we do allow us the opportunity to "get better" with practice.  This difference is focussing on the job, and being good, rather than on other people.

Yes, there will be times to do a bit of publicity or self promotion.  But that usually comes when others have already started to take note, of their own accord.

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As I have flagged up before, lists are popular.  And lists of ways  to boost self confidence or self esteem are quite frequent, often rehashing the same ideas.  I happened, via twitter, on one today – 10 Quick Confidence Boosters – in WomansDay.com.

The list is quite interesting:-

1. Straighten up.

2. Note the positives.

3. Break a sweat (or not).

4. Get a haircut.

5. Schedule a girls’ night.

6. Lend a hand.

7. Look on the bright side.

8. Make a list.

9. Set a (small) goal.

10. Try something new.

For one thing each suggestion is backed up by some research or "expert" advice. The other is how gender specific some of the advice is. OK, schedule a "boys" night out is the same thing. But the difference is that women can gain emotional support from a network of friends that men are unable to. Men don't connect in the same way as women – we just don't share personnel information.

The other suggestion that hit me is "Get a haircut".  Ever since childhood having a haircut is an ordeal.  Then it could lead to ridicule, now its just a tiresome chore. I don't know any men who actually look forward to having a haircut, or would see it as a confidence booster!

Its interesting that the "note the positives" suggestion involves looking at your body in a mirror.  Personally I do a "positive" stock take each day. But this involves reflecting on what is good about my life, what I'm pleased about from the day before. I look in the mirror to shave and brush my hair – that's quite enough for me!

Unfortunately this point does highlight how much women's self esteem can be based upon their appearance. I cannot help thinking that most people, following the advice to look in a full length mirror and pick out "5 things that you feel good about", will more likely just focus on what they don't like about their body.

Adjust your Posture

My main advice, is that most confidence boosters are not quick fixes. Most of the suggestions given can back fire and leave you feeling worse. Most self help involves identifying a problem, then making gradual changers to correct it.

As it happens, the best piece of advice is number 1 "straighten up" – although the title is misleading. When told to "straighten up", most of us pull our shoulders back, make our spine rigid and stick our stomachs out – none of which is sustainable nor helpful.

Good posture come down to good habits. Quite a few years ago I had lessons from an Alexander Technique teacher.  Much of our deportment comes from the messages we give to our body, being aware of how we "use" our muscles and the bones they are attached to.

It sounds daft, but I often conjure up the image of a thin thread pulling upwards from the top of my head. How to look confident is my most read post. This goes into more depth about how to adjust the body into a relaxed posture.

"Your quickest route to begin radiating confidence is to sort out your posture."

This statement comes from someone else who suggests the "piece of string from the top of the head" idea, although he doesn't mention the Alexander Technique. Robert Yeung adds the suggestion of imagining a puppeteer pulling you upwards. He also congers up the thought of your back muscles elongating, in fact all the body muscles lengthening.

Working on our posture can radically change our appearance. Our bodies are born beautiful, but the ravages of the way we use them messes up our posture.  There are three ways I suggest to improve your posture:-

1) Become aware – catch yourself. At any moment think how you are carrying your body. What would any observer conclude from catching site of you.

2) Deal with your baggage. Don't carry around all your everyday stresses and strains. Learn to relax and breath properly.

3) Make a conscious effort to improve your posture. Stop looking at the ground!  Read the advice in how to look confident on adjusting the pelvic and shoulder girdles. Get that imaginary cord attached to your head! Be conscious about looking confident.

Photos Ben Yapp and bigaila on Flickr

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My last attempt at reviewing an ebook that I thought would be useful for those looking to build their self confidence was quite down-heartening. The Secrets to Self Confidence is one of the worst books I've ever tried to read (The post title, Secret to Self Confidence is Ancient reflects the fact the book appears to have been written about 100 years ago!)

Fabulous Self Esteem

Fortunately Amy Twain's ebook, "Fabulous Self Esteem ~ Right About Now", is both well written and very contemporary.  She has lots of calls to action, some of which were new to me. 

What I liked

Amy starts with an explanation of what self esteem is and how it differs from self confidence.  This is a useful introduction that illustrates how people try to sustain their self esteem with unsustainable strategies:-

"most individuals having low self esteem often-times depend on how they are doing presently to determine how they feel about themselves."

The ebook also includes an eleven question quiz to help evaluate your self esteem. The first three chapters look at the origins of low self esteem and some of the common character traits, or facades, we don. 

This is an interesting section of the book as it doesn't assume everyone with low self esteem is fully aware that this is the reason they may have difficulties.  Nor does it see self esteem as fixed in stone and something that is constantly low.

By dissecting the difficulties experienced by those suffering low self esteem, and highlighting what someone with good self esteem "looks like", Amy lays the foundation for looking to make improvements.  Identifying the specifics of a problem  makes it easier to address.

Chapter four looks at internal speech, or self talk.  This looks at some of the thinking errors we all make, although not in as much depth as I have done in some of my posts.  But there is enough of a discussion to understand the root of internal criticism, which most sufferers of low self esteem undergo.

Fabulous Self Esteem includes a very good chapter on environment, which includes getting others to help you.  This is something other writers, myself included, tend to neglect. The environment we inhabit, and those we share it with, has a huge impact on how we feel so its a welcome addition.

Another good chapter looks at criticism – both receiving and giving. This includes the big one, saying no without apologizing or feeling guilty.  Being talked into doing stuff you don't want to do is a common occurrence for many people. 

Another topic Amy discusses here is when we get compared with other people. As there is always going to be someone, somewhere,  better than us at practically anything this is worth reviewing.  Its so easy to start beating ourselves up, and let others find flaws with unwarranted comparisons.

Throughout she ends chapters with a "points to remember" section. Whilst I'd have preferred more "action points", this does summarize the chapters well and help learning.

The penultimate chapter rounds things off with fourteen more tips that didn't fit in elsewhere.  These vary from being able to accept we all make mistakes, don't dwell, to realising there are some things you can change and some you cannot. All could have been expanded, even given their own chapters. But in keeping with the ebook in general, the points are well made and briefly discussed with enough detail to understand and act upon if appropriate.

What I Didn't Like

My main quibble is her chapter devoted to positive affirmations. Whilst using affirmations is quite a common suggestion for self improvement, their effectiveness for people with low self esteem is debatable. In my post on the topic, "Are Affirmations Useless?" I quoted from research that states getting people to repeat positive self statements they have difficulty believing will back fire.

The use of affirmations also increases the emphasis on the self, repeating statements with "I this" or "I that". This internalising doesn't necessarily help build good self esteem.

Her language can be somewhat over enthusiastic at times.  For example:-  "Exciting road"  "Greatest masterpiece"   "don't be afraid to dream big",   "you look smashing".  I imagine if you're reading from a low ebb, this empty positivity will ring a bit hollow. But this is really a similar point to the positive affirmations argument, you must use language that you believe and is right for you.

Unfortunately some of the good stuff – such as not comparing yourself with others, journalling, reminding yourself of good things about your life – get somewhat swamped by the prose used.  Also a few of the exercises, when they appear, can be somewhat daunting – for example "write 30 positive things about you"

Conclusion

This is a well written, upbeat ebook that most people will take something away from.  Its almost too easy to read, as you can quickly skim through important points. Whilst there are plenty of calls to action, you will need to ensure you do take time out to reflect and plan what you need to do. Reading a self help book (or blog!) is never enough in itself.

Some with really low, bordering on clinical depression, self esteem will struggle with her upbeat prose. But such a customer would find any ebook on its own insufficient. And there is no reason why a self help book should cater for everyone.

This ebook is for anyone who thinks low self esteem may be contributing to their inability to get what they want from life, whether occasionally or persistently.  The publishers give a 60 day money back guarantee, and there are other bonus ebooks included.  To go to the publishes site for more information,  Click Here. 

If you do get it – or already have a copy – please leave feedback yourself on whether this ebook has been helpful.

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As in my previous post, I'm going to highlight When New Year Resolutions Breakdown, which I wrote this time last year.

To end this year I'm going to break a variety of habits, firstly by publishing an article by someone else! It also has no direct reference to either self confidence or self esteem. To cap it all, its about 5 years old!!

That said, I think this article says everything that needs to be said about New Year Resolutions, and the more important issue of having a Life Plan – more of which from me in 2010.

Forget New Year's Resolutions – They Don't Work

by Vic Johnson

You can forget about making New Year's Resolutions if you're hoping for a successful outcome. Most aren't worth the paper they're written on.

No less than Mark Twain has written of New Year's Resolutions, "Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink, and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever."

The biggest majority of New Year's Resolutions have gone by the wayside before January is over and most won't even be remembered six months later. And the reason is pretty simple: Most are made in response to something negative — a habit or situation that the person wants to change or end. And therein lies the problem – it's hard to develop momentum from a negative response. It is always easier to move toward something rather than away from something.

Consider one of the most adopted resolutions — weight loss. No one can get excited about losing weight because it requires deprivation. It's a negative response to concerns about appearance, health, etc. The results of weight loss Resolutions demonstrate their weakness. A 1998 survey sponsored by Gardenburger found that more than three-fourths of all women between the ages of 25 and 54 make diet and weight-loss plans each year. Nearly nine of 10 respondents reported only occasional or no success, while almost half lost little or actually gained weight instead.

The people who succeed at losing weight and maintaining the loss have usually been motivated by a dream much bigger and more positive than just losing weight. They see themselves living a healthy lifestyle. They begin to act and think like people who are in good physical shape. There's more of a radical change in a person's thinking and actions than you see with most resolutions. It wouldn't be possible to effect and sustain such a radical change unless the person is motivated by a big dream that is positive in nature.

Another popular aim is to quit smoking. And I can certainly relate to that — I was a three-pack-a-day smoker until I celebrated a smoke-free New Year's twelve years ago. For over twenty years I had tried to quit many times using every tool and technique I heard about. But as long as I was trying to quit, I couldn't break the grip.

Instead, I developed a dream to become a non-smoker. I fell in love with the idea of breathing clean air instead of smoky air, of my body and clothes smelling nice instead of smoky. I thought about how wonderful it would be to taste food again. I decided to start acting and thinking like a non-smoker, and when the thinking took hold I simply quit smoking. In all the years since, I've never wanted another cigarette, never even thought about wanting one.

If you're going to make a New Year's Resolution this year, make one with a high probability for success. Make a Resolution to develop a life plan. Most people are in a free-fall through life, careening from one crisis to the next. They wake up one day and 10, 20, 30 or more years have passed and they're nowhere near where they thought or hoped they'd be. Working with a life plan you're much more apt to be excited by what the future brings even if you succeed at attaining only a small part of your plan.

A life plan should address all areas of your life including finances, health, relationships, career, spiritual and even recreational. While a lot of our focus tends to be on financial issues like increasing income or decreasing debt, or health issues like losing weight or quitting smoking, the undeniable truth is that a life lived out of balance isn't a life of quality at all.

If you were going to build a new house and you had this idea for a fabulous master bedroom suite, you wouldn't rush out and start building the master bedroom. You'd have a complete plan before you started. When you approach resolutions and goals in the same manner, you end up with a much better chance of achieving success.

Copyright © 2004 Vic Johnson

Vic Johnson is a popular motivational speaker, author and Internet Infopreneur who has created some of the most visited personal development sites on the Web, including the goal setting portal, http://www.Goals2Go.com that features goal setting programs and software as well as weight loss, smoking cessation and debt reduction solutions.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vic_Johnson

Photos by Kanko &  MeddyGarnet on Flickr

As we move towards year, and decade, end its a usual time to reflect and make plans (dare I say resolutions!) for 2010.  Last year, in When New Year Resolutions Break Down, I discussed not getting too hung up on 1st January as being the only time to set goals.  The more important part of that opening sentence is reflect – what can we learn from our experiences.

My own period of reflection is still a "work in progress", but one thing I'm going to work on in 2010 is my attitude. Self confidence is nothing if not an attitude – and what attitude you adopt is under your control. Here are a couple of examples.

Gill Hicks

Originally from Australia, Gill Hicks has lived in London since 1992.  Her life was totally transformed by the terrorist attack on London in July 2005 ("7/7") – as Gill put it she "started life number 2".  Standing close to the suicide bomber, she lost both her legs and nearly died – losing 80% of her blood and suffering 3 cardiac arrests in the aftermath.

What struck me when I recently heard her story was her underlying attitude.  She made a conscious decision to bring positives out of 7/7 and set up a charity "MAD for Peace" with the aim of deterring anyone from a path of extreme violence.  Gill says she made sense of what happened to her by the dedication and unconditional love of those who saved her life – their never giving up:-

"I don't spend time thinking "what if" and "why"; 7/7 taught me how brilliant humanity is, which protects me from hatred or feeling I want revenge. It was touch and go for a week. As soon as I realised I was going to live, I felt euphoric…. I don't feel incomplete without my legs, I feel fortunate to have all I do"

As well as her charity work, Gill is now in demand as a motivational speaker.  In her promotional PDF, there are a couple of statements I really like:-

Making A Difference – Someone somewhere is feeling the effects of something you have said or done – what do we do each day to leave our mark, our footprint?  

Letting It Go – focussing on what matters! Remember to Live, to focus on what is really important to you and keep life’s problems in proportion.

David Pruszynski

When he was 17, David Pruszynski lost his eyesight through a degenerative disease.  Initially very depressed, he did go through rehabilitation programmes to learn Braille and walk independently with a cane.  But those skills didn't give him the self confidence to leave his home and face the world.

It was David's mother who literally  forced (and locked) him out of the house, giving him errands to do around town. The petrified blind man had no other option but to get on the bus and do as he was told.

Whilst on the face of it a very cruel thing to do, David's mother justified her action by telling him it would be her that would be worrying:-

"You were with you all day, I was the one who didn't know what was going on. If anyone had the right to be frightened, it was me."

David took her other piece of advice forward as a sort of mantra:-

"If you get lost and want to get home, you'll get found"

In a sentence he was able to challenge his main fear – becoming lost.  This gave him the self confidence to move forward and become independent, gaining further qualifications and skills.  With 65% of blind people unemployed, David has had a successful career in different fields. Now, 40 years after his initial blindness he has a business as a massage therapist in Florida.

"The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up." 

John C. Maxwell

History is littered with men and women who have overcome adversity to achieve great things.  Most of us don't have to overcome major disability, like Gill and David.  What separates them is the attitude to life they have adopted.

photo by georgesipl on Flickr

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