I have recently joined a new service called “Shy Networking“.  As a lifelong introvert, although I would no longer describe myself as shy, networking has never come easy. Likewise for one of the team behind Shy Networking, professional blogger Chris Garrett.

My main reason for joining was to learn how to network online, which basically I’m very poor at. Whilst I have learnt (the hard way) to network reasonably effectively face to face, I’ve not been able to carry that forward on the internet.

This is somewhat ironic, as theoretically it should be easier for a shy or introverted person to network where there is no face to face contact.  However, I’ve started to realise that some of the principles behind networking go deeper than just being able to cope with meeting strangers. Just because I can “do” face to face networking doesn’t mean I’ve been good at it?!

Brian Tracy

I recently saw a Brian Tracy video on the 10 essentials  for success. One of these was contacts – the number of people who know you in a positive way. He stressed never take rejection as a sign of lack of interest or take it personally – people are busy.

“Some will, some won’t, so what…  next.“

The more people you know, the more likelihood of the right person being there at right time. His key method to build contacts was to always look for ways to help. However, that’s easier said than done.

Time will tell if I can improve and build my network via Shy Networking and it proves worth the money.  But it has got me reflecting about networking,

here are my suggestions on what can help:-

Be prepared

Some early advice from Shy Networking is not to launch into a prepared “elevator pitch” or speech. However, you can expect somewhere along the line to be asked certain questions.  Like going for an interview, being prepared to answer those expected questions can give you confidence.

This isn’t the same as launching into a slick “pitch”.   It just giving some thought to what are the main things you want to put across that give someone else the chance to be interested in you.  Whatever job you do, or interests you have, they can be made to sound interesting or dull.

And part of the problem may be your reluctance to talk about yourself and what you do, to blow your own trumpet as it were. Whilst the most common advice is to be genuinely interested in others, you’ll never get anywhere networking unless you are comfortable talking about yourself and being at least a little bit interesting!

Learn to tolerate uncertainty.

This is a key to  self confidence in any situation. We cannot control our environment, especially in any situation where we are meeting new people. Recognise that feeling of anxiety as quite normal, view the event as an exciting challenge rather than major threat.

Look Good

Like tolerating uncertainty, getting into the habit of looking confident takes a bit of practice.  It goes beyond what you are wearing (important as that is) and into how you stand and walk. At least 70% (some give a much higher percentage) of our message is delivered by our body language.

Learn to Relax

One of my problems was finding my voice got lost and I needed to shout to make myself heard. This wasn’t so much a problem with having a poor speaking voice, but a reaction to tension. Relaxation is the opposite body state to tension.

The more you practice simple relaxation techniques, the easier it becomes to make it your “default setting”. Quite often people don’t realise how tense they are. Tension can easily become a habit you slip into without your knowing it.

Nurture the Connection

Networking isn’t just about making connections, enduring the event, and then escaping.  To make it worth doing you need to be prepared to take things to the next level.

If you are at an event where you are unlikely to meet people again face to face in the near future, ensure you have some means of following up. That partly means securing an address (particularly email or Twitter) or number – usually via business card. But also leaving with some memory of the worthwhile connections you made and having some idea how to sustain the conversation.

This could be as simple as sending them a link to a favourite site linked to a mutual interest, or something else likely to be of interest to them. Don’t send them anything promoting yourself unless they specifically asked for it.

Have you any tips on how to network?

photographs by pasukaru76 and Matt from London on Flickr

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“If you don’t change your direction, you’re likely to end up where you’re heading.”  Chinese proverb.

Vote for Change?

In the UK we are in the throws of an election campaign.  The main opposition party, and favourites to win, have as their slogan “Time for Change“.  Its not unusual for politicians to promise change, and promote themselves as the agent of change.

What surprises me is why its considered a winning slogan – when generally speaking we all seem to hate change.  In our day to day lives we stick to ingrained habits – whether its what we eat, what we do, or how we think.

Desperately Seeking Something?

I recently saw an episode of one of my favourite television shows, “Desperate Housewives”. Like many locations in TV land they have more than their fair share of disasters and trauma; this episode was the post air-plane crash where several characters were in life or death (or life changing) situations.

The whole show was made up of flash backs and “flash forwards” – what would their life be like if….  Whilst these were big issues they were projecting, it was interesting to see that by scaring themselves with their “if…” projections the characters could make decisions.

The exercise can be equally startling and useful for any of us to do – but project with NO CHANGE IN WHAT YOU DO...

“What would my life look like in 5 years time, if nothing changes?”

It doesn’t have to be 5 years – chose whatever feels appropriate.  But remember to ask yourself after you’ve done it “Is this where I want to be?”

For most of us, change gets forced on us – such as being made redundant or some other crisis. Changing direction when not forced upon us appears more difficult. Even when we’re putting up with frustrating or less than satisfactory situations – until we reach breaking point. Its easiest to take the line of least resistance and do what we’ve always done, what we are comfortable with.

Honey We’re Killing the Kids

This was another television show I wrote about a couple of years ago in “what habits do you want to change?” Here they projected, in a quite scary way, what some children would look like if they continued their current poor eating and exercise habits.

Ethically somewhat dubious (what reaction would the kids get at school next day!) the programme, as ever, crammed change into a 3 week time frame. My thoughts then were:-

The idea of doing this sort of exercise is not to scare you or make you depressed. But the statement above ends “if my current habits don’t change”. If you like what you see, fine, don’t change. But if you don’t, the answer is simple – you need to make changes in your habits. Don’t do what they do on the TV show and make drastic changes in 3 weeks. Using problem solving to decide what changes you’d like to make, then plan how you you do them. Then – action.

The exercise in question being to project your own life as a way of reviewing your current habits and behaviours, as above.  Whether or not you set goals, are you heading in the right direction?

Do you have to wait for a crisis to make those changes? Of course not. And do you have to scare yourself silly with an image of what might happen if you don’t change? Again, no, and its not always going to be a motivator. Many smokers, drinkers and over eaters know the consequences of their habits, but chose not to dwell on this image.

But it can be a kick-start, if you are honest with yourself.  Only you can answer whether or not the direction you’re heading is where you want to be. And even if you make no changes, you’re still heading somewhere!

photo by somedriftwood on flickr

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Over the years, especially since starting this blog, I have collected quotations. Usually classified as “motivational” or “inspirational”, they pop up all over the place! Anything in particular to do with self confidence or self esteem I have copy and pasted into an ever expanding file.

I hope to have an ebook with my favourite 365 quotes ready in the next few weeks (having said that, I had hoped to have it ready last year!).  In the meantime I have tried my had at putting some of these quotes onto photographs, and in turn onto video.

In my motivational pictures post I did say I’m not keen on the very slick posters that are available commercially, and presumably adorn office walls. Whether I’ve gone the opposite way is up to you to decide!

Please give me feedback on what you think – are these videos inspirational or nauseating! Are quotes little more than catchy affirmations, that have little use?

Most of all, leave your favourite quote. Please.

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I don’t know about you, but I dislike the word failure. It’s very negative and, to me, sounds quite final. However…

Failure and rejection won’t kill you. You may think that it does and it may feel like it almost will just after it has happened. But it won’t. Instead it makes you stronger. It makes you more confident in yourself.

That’s a quote from Henrik Edberg on his ever successful Positivity blog.  Coincidentally I linked to him the last time I devoted a post to the topic – Overcome a Fear of Failure.  On that occasion Henrik had been quoting Oprah; this time he has 10 great quotes and argues that by failing you build an inner strength and grow as a person.

Do we have to learn from failure?

I‘ve also been drawn to another blog post on the topic, this time by Dragos Roua, who says

I started a personal development blog because I know every imaginable thing about failure. I’ve been there so many times, I can’t even remember. I had failures in business, I had failures in personal and social relationships, in school, in my job (back when I had one) and, generally speaking, wherever you’ll find a consistent life niche, you can bet all your money that I had at least one major failure there. And you’ll win big time.

In his post, Learning from Failure, Dragos sets out his 6 stages of personal development – very much based on learning from the lessons of failing. I did suggest in a comment on that post that you’d need events to be pretty big, as in his examples (e.g. business failure) to have this sort of effect.

Perhaps my problem is I’ve never suffered such life events. My life hasn’t been a bed of roses, but my early problems from a lack of confidence meant I avoided things. I didn’t suffer the angst of rejection or a broken heart, because I didn’t have the nerve to speak ask any girl for a date until I got lucky and met my wife, in my mid twenties!

But last week I effectively failed 4 young adults. I interviewed them for a job which they were all keen for, well suited and generally interview well. But there was only one post and the job went to the 5th candidate who ticked more boxes.

Did they gain confidence from the experience, come out stronger as Henrik suggests? From speaking to them afterwards to tell them they were unsuccessful, absolutely not. I cannot imagine how being told there is someone better than you would ever be confidence building.

Does Unsuccessful = Failure?

In Overcome a Fear of Failure I said

No one wants to fail. No one enjoys failure. I’m sure Thomas Edison would have been more than happy if his early experiments worked – or The Beatles had they been signed by Decca! The difference between those at the top and the rest of us is whether we persist after failure – how desperately we want to achieve something.

That quote does miss one important point. At some point people do give up.  The Beatles and Edison ultimately succeeded because they had talent that ultimately paid off.  Many bands try for years to get recording contracts – but will never get one because they are not good enough or not creating what people want to buy. Likewise people have all kinds of crazy inventions that don’t have the significance of the light bulb.

Definitions of failure effectively put it as the opposite of success, being unsuccessful. However, failure is a far more emotive word. It does imply an ending. When I spoke to the interviewees above, I said they had been unsuccessful – not “you’ve failed”!

Don’t be afraid of  making mistakes or not getting what you wanted (being unsuccessful) – recognise these things will happen from time to time if you step outside your comfort zone. And stepping outside your comfort zone, learning to cope with the feeling of uncertainty that this brings, is one of the key ways to build self confidence.

Do we need to fail?

Several of Henrik’s quotes suggest that overcoming failure, and not giving up,  is part of being successful. Another such quote is from Thomas Edison himself:-

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

I have to say I don’t agree with him. Part of being successful is being able to reflect and learn; to be able to plan, gather information and make good decisions. Yes, knowing what you want – having goals – is essential. But knowing when to adjust them in light of experience is as important.

“Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don’t fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated every day. ~ Jim Rohn

I don’t think the concept of failure is useful in personal development. At worst it will lower self esteem, rather than raise self confidence.  But what do you think? Do you think its is an essential stepping stone, without which success has no foundations?  And do you agree with Henrik, and think it does build self confidence?  Please comment below…

photo by meddygarnet on flickr

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Can you feel good, feel self confident, even if your clothes are rather shabby?  There is the argument that you should be proud of yourself no matter what you are wearing. Clothes should be a nice "finishing touch", but ultimately its the person underneath that either shines with confidence, or shirks in the shadows.

To some extent it does come down to your attitude to what you wear. If you are financially hard up and aware that the clothes you are wearing have seen better days, then you will be self conscious and that awareness will affect you.

An easy "unhelpful thought" to slip into is mind reading. We imagine others are having critical thoughts about us, ripping our clothes to shreds in their minds and ridiculing us for what we look like – even tough we have no idea what other people are thinking.

Alternatively, some people are oblivious to the opinions of others and feel confident whatever they wear.  There are highly successful people don't give a damn about appearance or fashion, feeling good about themselves whatever they are wearing.

The Donkey Jacket that Wasn't

Some people can look shabby in even the most expensive clothes. A famous British politician, Michael Foot, died this week at the age of 96. A one time leader of one of our main political parties, he had many achievements to his name. Yet, sadly, every obituary flags up that he was lampooned and highly criticised was wearing a "donkey jacket" at a memorial service and

"looked more like an Irish navvy than a party leader".

This happened nearly 30 years ago, and ironically the coat he was wearing wasn't a donkey jacket (a type of coat worn by labourers) but a new, expensive coat that shouldn't have generated any criticism at all.  The problem was,  Michael Foot  had the gait, posture and general physical stature that always made him look somewhat shabby.

Whatever he wore, he never looked the part of a statesman, a great leader.  Yet when he spoke, he was one of the best orators this country has known!

An Englishman Abroad

Another interesting person was Guy Burgess. Infamous as a spy who defected to the then Soviet Union in 1951.  Seven years later he made contact with actress Coral Browne who was touring the country with the Royal Shakespeare Company. He persuaded her to measure him up and arrange for his tailors in London to make him some new suits.

This true story was wonderfully dramatised in a 1983 film, An Englishman Abroad.  I saw it on television again a few months ago and what stuck so vividly in my mind was how the rather pathetic, alcoholic figure of Burgess was transformed when was able to dress himself in elegant suits. Parading around in a country where everyone else was by default "shabby", you could see him suddenly filled with self confidence and stature.

Self Confidence from What You Wear

OK, so it was a dramatisation. But to me  still an accurate illustration of how wearing "the right" clothes can transform how you feel about yourself.  It may not make a difference for everyone, and (as with Michael Foot) may be only part of the equation.

One habit I have changed, to good effect, is stopping dressing down at weekends. I'd never been a great one for paying too much attention to clothes, and tended to slob around in very scruffy clothes when not at work.Trouble was, this ultimately was reflected in my behaviour and how I felt. 

After being dragged out shopping by my wife I made a conscious decision to look reasonably smart and take a bit more care about my appearance. If the weekend has purpose, why not dress that way (I should add I'm not the sort of person who spends much time gardening, decorating or generally getting dirty at weekends if i can help it!)

Does what you wear make a difference to you, or does your confidence remain consistent whatever you wear?

photo by cod_gabriel on flickr

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One of my favourite posts is  How to Develop Will Power. As I say within it, will power is a somewhat overlooked characteristic within personal development writing. Its something we generally perceive as “difficult” or something we don’t possess.

We can all conjure up times we’ve  given into temptation (and had that cake) or apathy (didn’t go to the gym) – in other words been weak willed. And its very easy to fall into black and white thinking, mentally beat ourselves up, and use those slip ups as irrefutable evidence that we don’t have will power.

My reasons for bring this up again are twofold.

1) As the earlier post discusses, will power (or mental strength, however you want to re-frame it) is a useful character trait to develop as part of building self confidence.

2) It links in well with a new theme I’ve recently added to this blog – finding fulfilment. And a big part of feeling fulfilled, is getting in the habit of doing – pursuing the occupations that give us satisfaction.

Find Your Passion

Its been said by many that the key to success and fulfilment is to pursue your passion.  And if you do what you love, follow this passion, then its “not work”.  If you do what brings you great pleasure, then life is one long vacation.

Mmm, perhaps. Let me quote Nate St Pierre  posting on the excellent Escaping Mediocrity blog:

The truth of the matter is that, no matter what all the folks who are “internet famous” will tell you, passion is not profitable. You can work as hard and long as you want at something you love, but unless it’s something that people are willing to pay for, you’re not going to make any money at it. And even if they are willing to pay for it, you have to have a fair amount of business sense to make it profitable enough to turn it into a full-time job.

The other problem with trying to pursue your passions, is that most things we do have “boring bits”. The actual bit we enjoy may be surrounded by monotony.

• Think of film actors, repeating numerous “takes” or hanging around for their scene. Or being endlessly asked the same questions by a succession of journalists in a stuffy hotel room.
• Musicians, spending hours on the road and living out of suitcases for the thrill of a couple of hours on stage.
• Sportsman and women, spending many, many hours training and perfecting their skills.

The people above are those many of us envy, wish we could be in their shoes. We see the glamour, the adulation, the money – but seldom see the effort and associated boredom.

What is Fulfilment

A good definition of fulfilment is

a feeling of pleasure because you are getting what you want from life.”

Why don’t we spend more time pursuing our passions then. If you separate earning a living from the equation for the moment, most people still have many hours a week when we could pursue passions, or any other interests.

Sadly most people try to find fulfilment through instant pleasure. We overeat, drink alcohol, use every labour saving devise available to try and get that feel good factor.  We slump in front of television sets, passively being “entertained”. And above all else, we avoid possible discomfort.

Fulfilment involves effort. Commitment. And even a smidgen of will power.  As we get older its easy to let hobbies and interests slip by. We take the line of least resistance.  Whatever passion that once drove us to pursue a particular activity is lost.

Photo365

To reverse this trend we need to set ourselves projects (lets get away from talk of goals for the moment!). Find a way of rekindling that excitement.

Let me give you an example. If asked about hobbies and interests I always list photography, which I have enjoyed since my teens.  However, the extent to which I have actively pursued this hobby has varied. My camera started to get dusted off to take snaps of the children or capture our holidays.

Since the start of January I have taken part in a “photograph a day” project.  I’ve uploaded my efforts onto Flickr, where there is a Project365 group, where hundreds of others are doing the same thing.

Now it sounds pretty simple, and it is.  But making myself take that photo each day has been quite challenging.  I’ve carried my camera virtually everywhere when not at work (hospital – not allowed). And I’m constantly on the look out for photo opportunities – I’ve found my enthusiasm has been recharged.

Now this hasn’t transformed me into a great photographer – some of my results are still pretty naff. But it has got me taking photographs – non of the photos on this page would have been taken if I hadn’t taken on this project.

So look at ways of stepping out of your comfort zone, which needn’t be a big stretch.  Create projects that will get you challenging yourself, improving a skill, looking at things in a different way. Shake off that staleness, rekindle a bit of passion. Who knows, you may enjoy it!

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Control is an interesting concept that affects our self confidence. If we don’t feel in control of a situation, for whatever reason, it is likely that our anxiety levels will increase.

The lack of control doesn’t have to be real. We can conjure up in our imagination all sorts of scenarios where a future situation may go wrong. If you are due to give a speech you may imagine “drying up”, stumbling over words, people not laughing at your jokes, people being upset at what you have said.

Lack of Control

In my opening post I suggest that we have to accept this lack of control. To build self confidence in an uncertain world, with variables out of our control, its more useful to deal with the anxiety than fight a futile battle to gain control.

Feeling anxious, stressed, and at the mercy of others is bound to affect our confidence in our ability to perform the task required. And confidence is selective – whilst lacking confidence about giving a speech you may be very confident in other areas, such as talking with friends in any small groups or individually.

A top sportsman may be supremely confident when performing in front of thousands in a stadium, but lack confidence when required to talk about the event afterwards. Unfortunately, like anything with anxiety at its core, it can spread if doubts regarding one scenario start creeping into others.

The Interview

An interesting way to reflect on this is to look at going for a job interview.  If its a job you really want, and feel you are qualified to be offered, then you can:-

Undermine Your Confidence

…. by thinking “what ifs” before hand:-

what if I can’t answer a simple question

what if I answer wrong

what if I sweat too much

what if they don’t like me…

or “some-things bound to go wrong or I’ll mess up”

Boost Your Confidence

You can prepare well and boost your confidence:-

ensure you are well groomed

prepare answers to likely questions

rehearse an interview with a friend or colleague

prepare questions to ask the interviewers

talk yourself up, rather than down

Optimistic or Pessimistic

On the latter point, reflecting on the last post I wrote on optimism, it does reinforce that being optimistic helps rather than pessimism. Being optimistic does put you in a better frame of mind, which will be reflected in your body language. This is far removed from believing by thinking positive the job is as good as yours!

By being optimistic you do set yourself up for feeling really down if you are unsuccessful. But however well you prepare for an interview there are things you have no control over:-

the other candidates

the questions that are asked

any hidden agendas

In life  the opposite of being in control isn’t so much being out of control but learning to live with uncertainty.  I would argue this is essential in the modern world, where so much we cannot control. But rather than fear this or run away from it, learn to relish it. See it as part of being alive – how boring life would be otherwise!

Anyone for Tennis?

Since I started to write this post we have suffered the highs and lows of following Andy Murray trying to win the Australian Open.  He probably did everything correct physically, mentally and any other way to prepare for the final against Roger Federer.

Unfortunately for Andy, he cannot do anything to “control” Federer.  Had a lack lustre Federer turned up, Andy Murray may well have won. But the bottom line is, however confident, however mentally prepared, you cannot beat someone who has more talent!

photo by metaphox on Flickr

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Are you an optimist? Do you naturally look on the bright side of any situation? Do you expect the best outcome – or the worst? The reason I ask is I have just read that

"Optimism is the foundation on which all self confidence is built".

Whilst I'm more of an optimist that pessimist, I had never seen optimism as such a building block for self confidence.

The quote comes from blogger Bud Bilanich, who brands himself  "the Common Sense Guy". His thoughtful post Haiti, Optimism and Success takes in how people can still be optimistic despite great devastation and how ultimately most of our troubles and worries  pale by comparison.

Bud has three steps to self confidence:-

First, choose optimism.  Believe in your heart of hearts that today will be better than yesterday, and that tomorrow will be better than today. 

Second, face your fears and act.  Procrastination and inaction feed fear and rob you of self confidence.  Action cures fear. 

Third, surround yourself with positive people.  Don’t let the naysayers into your life.  Hang around with people who are positive about themselves, their careers and life in general.

Positive Thinking

Is this too simplistic?  And whilst I think optimism is a more narrow concept that positive thinking, are they basically the same thing?  "Positive thinking is the foundation on which  self confidence is built" doesn't sound so good!

In the UK there has been quite a bit of publicity for Barbara Ehrenreich's recent book, Smile Or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World.  I've only read the reviews, but it seems she gives the whole culture of positive thinking a good kicking. To her the belief that everything will turn out right in the end if we remain optimistic and upbeat is "delusional".

In my view, Barbara's target is more at the Law of Attraction end of the positive thinking spectrum. Her comment about motivational speakers:-

"They are brought in to corporate meetings and the message is, again and again: you can have whatever you want so long as you focus your thoughts on it. I think that's nuts, frankly."

I also think that is "nuts", and have written before (Do you believe in fairies?) challenging those who believe that the act of thinking itself can lead to things happening.

The Optimist Creed

I don't think being optimistic, expecting positive outcomes, is wrong – so long as you don't become unrealistic.   And if you go into something expecting a negative outcome (pessimism) then its hard to equate that belief with self confidence.

So take action with an expectation of success, having created that expectation by preparation.  Bud writes about an organisation I have never heard of called Optimist International and says he has a copy of their creed in his office:-

The Optimist Creed

Promise Yourself:

• To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
• To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
• To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
• To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
• To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
• To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
• To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
• To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
• To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
• To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

As he says, it does contain a great deal of common sense. What do you think?

photo by Robert Bahn on Flickr

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This is a great video on building self confidence, albeit rather slick. Its worth spending the three and a half minutes to watch it. Sharon Melnick illustrates how people try to build self confidence by using indirect methods, rather than going direct. She focusses on work situations, but the ideas are applicable anywhere.

Indirect methods are very much tied up in having a concern about what others think of you.  You direct your energy and attention to managing others perceptions of you, not building real confidence. I'm very conscious that this is something I have done in the past. There are two types of indirect confidence building:-

Borrow Confidence from Others

This way you go out of your way to get other people to notice you – to earn a "pat on the back".  Its also a form of seeking reassurance and validation from other people, be it peers or boss. For example:-

Staying late or arriving early (and making others aware)

Over promise what you can do

Bringing others attention to something you have done well

Ask others opinion (when you know yourself) to give you an opportunity to show your knowledge

Interrupting others to show how much you know

Avoid Disapproval

This is more passive. You go out of your way to avoid being judged or endure the disapproval of others.  Its a way of protecting what we have.

Not speak up at meetings

Not share your ideas with others

Procrastinate – not put work on table for others to see

Not delegate, get stuck in details

The solution, Sharon says , is to:-

Go Direct

I must admit, this part of the video isn't as clear as the first.  I think just being aware of being indirect is an important first stage. If you can catch yourself doing these things you can start correcting the bad habit you've got into. And if you're changing habits, then the title should be "build self confidence slowly but surely".

"Go Direct" is about focussing your energies on what is most important, driving towards your vision.  When tempted toward indirect behaviour, use this vision to pull you back on course.

This isn't always possible though, especially if we are employed. We can't always do what excites and engages us.

My take on going direct is to focus on doing a good job.  We all have strengths and talents and most jobs we do allow us the opportunity to "get better" with practice.  This difference is focussing on the job, and being good, rather than on other people.

Yes, there will be times to do a bit of publicity or self promotion.  But that usually comes when others have already started to take note, of their own accord.

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