Gaining control

April 4th, 2007 · Add Comments

Control is another interesting concept that impinges on our confidence. If we don’t feel in control of a situation, for whatever reason, it is likely that our anxiety levels will increase. The lack of control doesn’t have to be real – we can conjure up in our imagination all sorts of scenarios where a future situation may go wrong. If you are due to give a speech you may imagine “drying up”, stumbling over words, people not laughing at your jokes, people being upset at what you have said…..

Feeling anxious, stressed, and at the mercy of others is bound to affect our confidence in our ability to perform the task required. And confidence is selective – whilst lacking confidence about giving a speech you may be very confident in other areas, such as talking with friends in any small groups or individually. A top sportsman may be supremely confident when performing in front of thousands in a stadium, but lack confidence when required to talk about the event afterwards.

Unfortunately, like anything with anxiety at its core, it can spread if doubts regarding one scenario start creeping into others. But to gain control, to reverse the anxiety, needs work in the opposite direction. Giving ourselves reassurance that we can handle the situation, drawing on our strengths and not focusing on our weaknesses. Even in new situations or past disasters (failing a driving test!), we can find positives to counter the negatives.

When called upon to give talks (that sounds less intimidating than “speech”), I prepare as much as possible so I can tell myself I know the subject well, that there is no reason why I may “dry up” and I will have notes with me to help, if I speak slowly then my deliver will be fine. Also either the people listening know me and will be supportive, or if work related I can pass on information, my expertise, and they should be interested.

So gaining control, especially over our thoughts and how we perceive a situation, will lessen our anxiety and increase our confidence. Whilst a great deal of building confidence is center on “doing”, how we think is a major contributor.

Building self confidence