Do you approve of yourself - or do you seek the approval of others? When we lack confidence and in particular have low self esteem, we find ourselves needing the approval of others to feel good about ourselves.

Unfortunately, in this day and age of being over worked and under valued, the approval of others may be slow to happen. Saying “well done” or “thank you” doesn’t seem to common language in modern society - and how often do you say such things to others?

Being self critical is an easy habit to get into, and forms the basis of our needing approval from others. The root of our self criticism is usually being at the receiving end of criticism from others as we grow up. I like the expression that “criticism is negative feedback badly delivered”. Constantly receiveing messages like “you’re too slow/stupid/bad/ugly/…” etc leads to us believing that this is a reality. [Read the rest of this entry →]

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Unite for Human Rights

“Blogs get people excited. Or else they disturb and worry them. Some people distrust them. Others see them as the vanguard of a new information revolution. Because they allow and encourage ordinary people to speak up, they’re tremendous tools of freedom of expression.
Bloggers are often the only real journalists in countries where the mainstream media is censored or under pressure. Only they provide independent news, at the risk of displeasing the government and sometimes courting arrest.“

Handbook for bloggers & cyber-dissidents

Having belonged to Amnesty International for around 30 years, and been “active” in various capacities for most of that time, I felt I couldn’t ignore the “Bloggers Unite for Human Rights Day“. This is joint action by Amnesty International and BlogCatalog, to encourage Bloggers worldwide to blog on a human rights issue on May 15.

And there are many things we could chose to blog about. The most obvious in the context is the case of Shi Tao, a Chinese journalist, serving a ten-year prison sentence for sending an email to the United States. Yahoo provided information to the Chinese Government that led to his imprisonment. [Read the rest of this entry →]

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Perfectionism came up as a comment on my last post, being good. It sounds fine - searching for the highest standards, being displeased with anything less than perfect. But it can lead to distress and self condemnation when you do anything thats less than perfect.

I’ve come across this interesting test that gives you a rating (%) of how much of a perfectionist you are. But most of us know whether or not we are perfectionists, and whether or not it you feel its an asset or hindrance.

There are differing theories as to where perfectionism comes from, some suggesting that there is a genetic component as it tends to run in families. But equally the behavior of parents towards children has a huge effect. If parents are strict, disciplinarians then children learn to fear making mistakes.

If a child only receives love or attention when successful - such as getting top marks in class, they will strive towards perfectionism in adulthood. To be loved, they have to be perfect. [Read the rest of this entry →]

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Image via Wikipedia

“It may be of comparatively little consequence how a man is governed from without, whilst everything depends upon how he governs himself from within. The greatest slave is not he who is ruled by a despot, great though that evil be, but he who is the thrall of his own moral ignorance, selfishness, and vice.” Samuel Smiles Self-help 1859

I recently came across what must be one of the first ever self improvement books. “Self-help” by Samuel Smiles was first published in England in 1859, but was widely translated and sold in thousands worldwide.The book largely chronicles the lives of remarkable people, making much of how ordinary they were at birth. They achieved great things through perseverance and dedication, toiling away through hardship and unremitting hard work. [Read the rest of this entry →]

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Do you worry what others think about you? Are you afraid of looking a fool in public - of being a subject of ridicule? How self conscious are you? Would you stay inside rather than go out in scruffy, dirty clothes - or without make up?!

I have written before about how much looking good can help our confidence. If you look the part its easier to act it. But… Allowing our lives be dominated by what others think of us is of course something we should be avoid. However, its very easy to let this slip through - especially when we have established social codes of appearance that we adhere to as well.

I was recently taken with this story about a farmer, Rob Tavener, who practices tai chi in front of his herd of cows. He reckons that as animals are receptive to human moods, so the more relaxed and happy he is, the happier they are. And of course, the happier his cows are, the more milk they produce. [Read the rest of this entry →]

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I was woken up this morning to the rather distasteful image of Gordon Ramsey and Graham Poll - in shorts. Both were being interviewed on TV before setting off on the London marathon.

Gordon Ramsey is a well known TV chef, who has an international empire of top restaurants (well, at least 3). He has built his TV reputation by a constant use of bad language - whatever the type of show he is doing. His early TV work was more about him in his restaurants, where his employees were at the receiving end of his bullying and swearing.

Graham Poll was a top referee within the English Soccer Premiership. Since he retired he has been critical of how the top players and teams try to bully and intimidate referees. Whatever his thoughts (he has an autobiography to sell!) its quite clear that the top sportsmen (and most highly paid) in this country respond to decisions against them with verbal abuse, descent, at times physical aggression and intimidation.

Before seeing these characters this morning I had already planned to reflect on how some people do rise to the top by using anger in an aggressive way and being “effective” bullies. [Read the rest of this entry →]

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