The Secret to Self Confidence is Ancient

I have a basic principle of not promoting anything I haven’t purchased and used myself. Here are a couple of ebooks I been trying to put into practice:-

Secrets to Self Confidence

I recently purchased this ebook as the sales page promised much:-

Each day, you will have a short but profound paragraph to read and consider, a simple exercise to complete and a memory verse to memorize. That’s it, follow this plan and with just minutes of effort a day, you will develop a strong magnetic, self-confident personality in no time at all.

However  Secrets to Self Confidence suffers a quite few drawbacks. its quite evident that the book was written some time ago - there is no clue as to whom the author James Stephenson is, but there is a preface dated 1910!  This is the start of Chapter 3 (The Cure of Self-Consciousness) :-

The student should aim here to develop definiteness of idea, sincerity of expression, and concentration of mind. Nothing leads so quickly to hesitation and embarrassment in a speaker as mental uncertainty. To speak confidently, he must not guess, or imagine, or take for granted, he must know. Lack of proper mental equipment is responsible for a large part of the fearfulness of men. One who really knows whereof he speaks, and is absolutely sure of it, is likely to be sure of himself. It manifests itself in his voice, his use of words, his manner, and his entire personality.

On the same page he goes on to quote Newman’s “definition of a gentleman”! I don’t know who Newman was, but like many other quotes used, it dates the text horribly. The daily exercises are no better:-

For the First Day

Poise- Today I will avoid all nervous and unnecessary movements of the body and all thoughts that cause waste of nervous force. I will cultivate calmness, repose, peacefulness and deliberateness.

Exercise - Sit still, thoroughly relax the body, empty the mind of distracting thoughts and concentrate on the following

1 Poise which gives power

2 Poise which gives mental purpose…

Memorize the following: The star of the unconquered will, he rises in my breast, serene, and resolute, and still, and calm, and self-possessed.  Longfellow

I confess I didn’t read the whole 149 pages (plus a supplement with more quotes!) - lifes too short. I just felt very disappointed, and somewhat conned (although there is a money back guarantee I will utilize). Just because a book is 100 years old, doesn’t mean it has no relevance. However…

From what I can make out, most of the ideas here are generally still sound. But this book is so dense and  ponderous to render it useless as a modern self help guide. Not recommended

The Ultimate Guide To Health and Happiness

By comparison this hasn’t got such a snappy title. I’m also quite skeptical of anything suggesting a route to happiness. Here are two of my favorite quotes (taken from one of my favorite books Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly) :-

“Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” J.S.Mill

“Don’t aim at success - the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue…as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” Viktor Frankl

However, unlike James Stephenson, the author Jennifer Summers writes very well and is very readable. Whilst still a bit long at 155 pages, it is easy to navigate and use selectively if you wish. The introduction promises:-

“The Ultimate Guide to Health and Happiness offers an invaluable collection of advice, hints, tips and easy to follow exercises that will benefit anyone experiencing personal crises, relationship difficulties, suffering from a low self esteem or simply wishing to maintain good health and a positive attitude.”

Its very much a manual, making good use of the ebook format so you can print off work sheets and exercises as you go. Unfortunately many self help type books are still organized and printed in a format similar to novels. Consequently, they are read “like a novel” from start to finish with no stopping to put into practice what is being suggested.

This happyness toolkit offers a combination of over 60 principles and exercises that will allow you more insight into what you are feeling, why that is and what you can do to change it. Like my blog, it looks at positive thinking, expressing feelings and exercises to build self esteem such as praising yourself.  Whilst you don’t have to do any of the exercises if you don’t want to, you are very much left feeling that to make the changes desired, you need to act!

The Eastern approach that underlines some of her ideas may not appeal to everyone. Having a Chapter entitled “Lower Your Expectations” may clash with the aspirational, acquisition driven lifestyle that capitalism embraces. Quotes of Taoist wisdom may be a welcome relief compared with the gobbledygook of Stephenson, and from my perspective adds value rather than detracts.

I do find the middle section, where Jennifer gives an overview of  yoga, tai chi and meditation, not totally in keeping with my own approach. I think pursuing activity more broadly is important. Getting good at anything can improve self awareness and self confidence. But she responds with good quotes of her own:-

“My mind watches over my body,
Whilst my body protects my mind,
And my spirit ungulfs us all”

I have written before on happiness and have owned this ebook for over a year. I implied in the quotes at the start, if this ebook was purely about happiness I wouldn’t be so keen. But its more of a guide to improving the quality of your life (and hence your happiness) by breaking down and improving some of the component parts.

The Ultimate Guide to Health and Happiness states “The author Jennifer Summers has been actively involved in the study of health for over 20 years. She has lectured in over 18 countries on Discovering and Maintaining Happiness.” I didn’t have any joy looking her up on Google, so she also remains a mystery. But in this case her credentials are held up by what she has written. Recommended if you want to make changes to how you live your life.

Bottom photo by Michael(mx5tx) on Flickr

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Tagged as: activity, ebooks, exercise, happiness, health, positive thinking, self esteem, self-confidence, tai chi