Why do we need to build self confidence? To me confidence has always been the core of self development; the building block on which goal setting, motivation, problem solving, communication, willpower and other aspects of self help stem from. No confidence puts us at a major disadvantage in life.
Definition of Self Confidence
How do you define self confidence? Dictionary.com says
“realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc … belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities”
The word confidence originates from the Latin “confidere”, meaning to trust. Trusting and believing in ourselves, having faith in our ability in whatever situation we need to perform.
Building Self Confidence
To be more confident then, we have to somehow generate this faith or trust in our abilities. Unfortunately, we are constantly being challenged by new situations full of variables we cannot control. In building confidence, we cannot eliminate this uncertainty.
A common approach to build confidence is good preparation. If I have to give a speech tomorrow, I would carefully prepare what I was going to say. I could reassure myself, challenging my automatic negative thoughts. However, even though I've given speeches before, there are always going to be variables that I cannot eliminate or control.
Self Confidence
At the heart of building self confidence and becoming more confident is this conundrum of uncertainty, our inability to control the world around us. Whilst there are many other techniques and ideas that we will cover in this blog, the first and most important is to accept this lack of control.
You can build self confidence by not letting the feelings generated by uncertainty take over. We have an built in system to protect us from danger – "fight or flight" – that creates what we identify as anxiety symptoms when threatened. Tolerate that feeling of anxiety, recognise that uncertainty is a challenge rather than a threat. Once you start to do that, then you're on the way to building confidence and generally being more confident.
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Great article David. You are right that the more confident we are, the more we can cope with uncertainty around us.
Hi, this is very good post. Prepration is a very good way to build confidence. Get prepair for any situtation is more important for self confidence. I realy like this post.
I would be interested in how you balance self-confidence with the ability to change.
I greatly admire people who are able to change their opinion in a discussion (eg. not enter full lockdown defense mode as soon as someone challenges their opinion), so I try my best to be such a person.
However, if one enters a discussion on the point of view that he may be wrong about something, he likely will not sound all that confident, appearing to hold the weaker hand in a discussion and possibly even creating an image of someone who can be bullied around.
Hi David – my self-confidence is due for a boost (:o) and for me, sometimes, taking a deep breath and telling myself I can do it (even if it does take longer than I want it to!!!) Yes, I'm familiar with that feeling of anxiety and the voice inside that says "You're going to do it WRONG"!!! And yes, seeing it as a challenge rather than a threat is a helpful comment.
This is a really good post; thank you for sharing this! I would just like to add to your wonderful post that low self-esteem causes a person to doubt himself, his goals, and his desires. I think that in order to increase one’s self-esteem one has to identify the things that hinder him from achieving his goals. One has to start by deeming himself self worthy; this will give way to more opportunities. It’s also important to take actions to achieving one’s goals and desires. Building one’s self-confidence is hard work, but once a person starts developing positive self-belief, he can then create a life that he truly wants.
Linda @ Self Help´s last blog ..In Search of Phrases for Effective Performance Reviews? Read This First!
When it comes to self-confidence one thing that I always remember is that everyone is not going to agree with me. And no one can please everyone. These are two thing I feel are very important to consider.
Debbie
Debbie´s last blog ..St. John’s Wort – Is it Nature’s Smile for Happiness?
two great points that are worth carving in stone!
Great post, David.
A lack of self-confidence can hinder many a great person’s accomplishments.
I wonder how many ideas have been lost forever because their authors were too afraid of what others might have thought about them?
Jay
i strongly agree with you David, its the uncertainty that leads to anxiety and poor performance, great post
Hi David, I just stumbled on this blog. Nice post. I agree that in order to have confidence, we must trust in ourselves and prepare for whatever we are going to face. I like your example with public speaking. Sometimes you cannot control what kind of things are going to happen, but you just have to prepare to the best of your ability and get out there. Going through experiences over and over again will eventually lead to having more self confidence. Thanks David and great blog by the way.
Hulbert Lee´s last blog ..Attraction – Esther Hicks
This might be a late comment, but this is a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing this, David. In addition, I think that in order to build one’s self-confidence. It’s important to know what the individual’s passions are. What makes him motivated? What experiences does he want to get out of his goals? By identifying these passions and underlying values, a person would then begin to focus on the positive aspects of his life, and thus, building his self-esteem along the way.
Ambition is a great booster for self-esteem. But too much ambition can also hamper it. Thus, dream as much as you want, but always keep space for reality in your mind. Here, parents play an important role as ambition and self-esteem are the two things that only they can instill in us. Children are always longing for their parents’ approval. A disapproving or over-demanding parent can cause irreparable damage to our self-esteem. If you have been suffering due to this reason, then it is very important to make consistent efforts to break-free from the influence of your parents.
I really enjoyed your post. What often helps me to feel confident is to remember that there is perfection in my imperfection. Nobody is perfect and everyone has different “flaws,” which create the opportunity to grow.
Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..Why Living a Passionate Life is the Daddy of Self Improvement Ideas
I like the perspective you are promoting here. So many people do not understand that the fight or flight adrenalin response is simply a natural reaction to perceived threat. They do not look at the cause but instead focus upon the symptoms and worry that they are having a panic attack, heart attack or whatever else they might be afraid of. This of course compounds the issue.
Once you understand it you can deal with it quite easily.
I like that you stated that uncertainty is a challenge instead of a threat…the outlook, the attitude – so true! Great post! I also write inspirational blogs on my new social networking site for women: http://www.blog.makegirlfriends.com
Thanks!