improve self confidence

This is going to be a fairly rambling post! Recently I joined a self development forum, partly to promote this site, but also to try and interact with others either with problems or solutions. The problem when you start blogging is you don’t get much feedback as to whether or not anyone is out there!

What I’m getting around to saying, is on a recent response to a question on self confidence, my reply was:-

Confidence is never a permanent state. In any field if you are an expert, but make a couple of mistakes, you can start to doubt your ability and your confidence will suffer. You remember the recent mistakes rather than the 1000s of previous successes.

If you have a problem liking yourself, get in the habit of reminding yourself of what IS nice/good about you and good about your life. Have things around you to remind you (perhaps keep a portfolio) – keep compliments, records of success, pictures of people you love, reminders of things you enjoy.

You can still make friends whatever you think about yourself – the trick is not to think about yourself but be genuinely interested in others. Pursue interests, meet others through social activity that revolves around mutual interests. The more you focus on them, and not worry what they think of you, the easier it becomes for genuine friendship to emerge. “To make a friend, be a friend” (cannot remember who said that).

What has stuck in my mind is “confidence is never a permanent state”. I have to confess my own self confidence has been somewhat wobbly over the past week. In the UK this is a big time for exam results for teenagers. My 16 year old twin daughters have their big day tomorrow. my older daughter, who went on a gap year, had a slightly unsatisfactory result of a resit last week. She was convinced she was unable to follow her plan of getting onto a course in medicine, which had been her plan for years!

To cut a long, and stressful story short, today she is on her way back from a University interview that has got her onto a course she wanted. In the recent phone call she was ecstatic, miles away from the defeated, self pitying girl who was bemoaning her luck last week.

Personally I was also having doubts about myself. I have a new “acting” manager who is keen to make an impression during her tenure. It does create more stressors and frustrations. Also, having had little feedback to this blog I was starting to question its value, whether that many people would ever read it.

But in the course of a week things have changed. Following a frank discussion, I now feel more positive about work. And today I have had several positive comments on my blog, including one from Pricilla that on her blog she refers to me as in her top five “out standing personal development bloggers”! What can I stay to that…

The point is, its so easy for any of us to allow the present, the here and now, to dictate how we feel – and our level of self confidence. For me, nothing major had changed – I was still employed, respected by many, loved by my family, working on a blog I believed in. But it was so easy to allow negativity to infiltrate my consciousness, and deflate my confidence.

Rose August 30, 2007 at 5:11 am

Self confidence and self esteem is something I have struggled with most of my life. I wish I had more confidence in myself.

Phillip September 14, 2007 at 9:39 pm

Bloggers are always looking at numbers for validation. My wife and I had gone through periods of low self esteem because of it. I find getting a couple small wins in your life bring confidence that can be built on even if they are really unimportant.

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