Overcome a Fear of Failure

One of the delights of living in the UK is I have never watched Oprah. So I was surprised when one of my favorite blogs, had “Oprah’s Top 7 Tips for Creating the Life You Want“. The writer, Henrik, is Swedish so who knows how far her influence has spread!

Oprah had an interesting take on failure - she redefined it:-

“I do not believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.”

Looking at some of my recent posts, a fear of failing can be another interpretation of the problems. With perfectionism for example, a person sets their required standard high - and anything less than 100% achievement of that target is a failure. There are no shades of gray.

If we lack confidence in our ability to do something, our thinking can revolve around whether we will fail or succeed. Failure enters the equation, rather than say “mistake”, when the stakes are higher. Usually with the fear of failing we can imagine unpleasant consequence, rather than just inconvenience.

These fears can have their roots in childhood, like most of our negative thinking habits. Being punished, criticized or embarrassed by parents or peers can live on in our memory - to be resurrected as a “consequence”if we get it wrong again.

So a “fear of failure” can be looked at as another anxiety led fear - such as any fear about what others think. My response is to start facing that fear and getting used to the uncomfortable feeling that is generated when you try. Anxiety generates physical symptoms that we all experience, especially when we step outside our comfort zone.

Returning to Oprah speak, her other quote was:-

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.”

Is this just psychobabble from someone talking from a lofty perch - however hard she worked to get there? History is littered with figures whose later success was preceded by failure and rejection. This video highlights a few

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6hz_s2XIAU

No one wants to fail. No one enjoys failure. I’m sure Thomas Edison would have been more than happy if his early experiments worked - or The Beatles had they been signed by Decca! The difference between those at the top and the rest of us is whether we persist after failure - how desperately we want to achieve something.

We’ve no evidence if those in the video ever considered themselves failures at the time. Someone can view themselves a failure for not achieving what others would consider insignificant targets. Continuing to fail something, however small, doesn’t necessarily make it an easier pill to swallow. It could deepen someones low self esteem.

Some people can be very high achievers in their chosen field, but can consider themselves failures because they didn’t get the ultimate prize they were striving for. An athlete getting a silver rather than gold medal, a team losing in a final, reaching the board of directors but not Chief Executive.

Whether you see yourself as a success or failure, its up to how you define the terms. Whilst I don’t really agree with her quotes in full, I’m with Oprah on one point. I don’t believe in failure. If any act leads to us considering ourselves a failure, it will only undermine our self esteem.

We may “fail” or not reach a set standard at certain activities along the way - with exams, driving test, interviews. But that doesn’t make us a failure.

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