Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

People are Awesome

by

Peak Moments

Take 60 seconds and write down the peak moments in your life. Chris Guillebeau, on whose excellent blog that suggestion came defines a peak moment:-

… as a fixed point in time that has strong, positive memories. You summited the mountain! You achieved something monumental! Things will be different now.

Apart from the obvious landmarks, like getting married or having children, most peak moments are time when we stepped well out of our comfort zone. I wrote about one of my peak moments (although I didn’t label it as such at the time) when swimming beneath the Azure Window in Gozo a couple of years ago.

If you do the exercise, how many peak moments were accompanied at some point by strong feelings of anxiety or even fear? I can report from memory, 25 years on, that getting married generates much anxiety for the main participants!

Lets Scare Ourselves

Happy Halloween
Happy Halloween

As I write this we approach Halloween and there is the usual glut of horror films on TV. Personally I’ve never enjoyed the genre; likewise I’ve never enjoyed the adrenaline rush people get from riding roller coasters.

But just as our peak moments lead to extra adrenaline pumping around our body, as we prepare to fight or flight from danger, we do seek it as well by deliberately submitting ourselves to fear and terror. [Read more…]

How to Deal with Fear

by

Life is a constant journey through variables we cannot control, however well prepared.

fear
Tony Blair

Learning to tolerate uncertainty is the key factor in building great self confidence. Unfortunately fear of “what might happen next” – the feeling of uncertainty – can be very unpleasant.

Tony Blair, Driven by Fear

“On 2 May 1997, I walked into Downing Street as prime minister for the first time. I had never held office… my predominant feeling was fear.”

Tony Blair, Prime Minister in the U.K. for 10 years until 2007, published his memoirs (“A Journey”) earlier this year.  I haven’t read them, probably never will, but found it impossible to avoid the  discussion they provoked. What has startled many has been his candid admission that the principal driver behind many of his decisions was fear. In a excellent review psychologist Geoffrey Beattie  sums up:-

“Blair became a master at masking his true emotional state, hiding his terror with that masking smile.”

Yes, that “masking smile” – but hiding terror! What is most amazing is that Blair was always perceived as very relaxed and a great communicator. Yet, as he states, he “never relaxed for a moment.”  Even when he “kept a strong grip on himself” during the day

“I would wake in the morning with the hair on the back of my head damp with sweat. What I could control when awake was overpowering in sleep.” [Read more…]

Are we being pathetic?

by

Its somewhat ironic when a newspaper writes at length about how we have become obsessed by risks, and fear is a “constant companion”. With the headline “Scared to death? The REAL worry is today’s culture of fear”

fear2I’m sure the Daily Mail wouldn’t dream of adding to, or capitalise from, any of the fears that plague us today?!

I like this quote from a Professor of Sociology, Frank Furedi, who they have wheeled out for the article:-

“These days we live in constant fear, it is always lurking in the background. We live in terror of disease, abuse, stranger danger, environmental devastation, terrorism, even the sun. We cannot even enjoy the most simple pleasure – the sun – without hearing these warnings about skin cancer.

Likewise eating and food has become a morally charged activity. The massive growth of fear-mongering campaigns and crusades during the past quarter- century is unprecedented. The result is that it diminishes our experience of being alive, it forces us to engage with the world as pathetic individuals who can’t cope with the problems of everyday life.“

Wow Frank, don’t hold back! [Read more…]

Fear is the Key

by

I started writing this post about a week ago. My theme of fear isn’t that original, but constantly recurring in our thoughts. Since starting writing, two things have happened to me that have reinforced the stupidity of most of our fears.


Without going into the gory details, I had a biopsy last Tuesday for possible prostate cancer. I’ve had one before, and its precautionary rather than done with great expectation of having cancer. But the mere act of going through a very invasive procedure, and confronting the possibility of a life threatening disease does heighten your awareness of the fragility of life.

14 hours after undergoing the biopsy, my daughter informed us that our car was on fire. So at 4.15am, about 5 hours since last used, we waited for the fire brigade to arrive. This brief clip now on YouTube (where else!)  shows the demise of “Ethel”. [Read more…]

Overcome a Fear of Failure

by

One of the delights of living in the UK is I have never watched Oprah. So I was surprised when one of my favourite blogs, had “Oprah’s Top 7 Tips for Creating the Life You Want“. The writer, Henrik, is Swedish so who knows how far her influence has spread!

Oprah had an interesting take on failure – she redefined it:-

I do not believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.

Looking at some of my recent posts, a fear of failing can be another interpretation of the problems. With perfectionism for example, a person sets their required standard high – and anything less than 100% achievement of that target is a failure. There are no shades of gray.

If we lack confidence in our ability to do something, our thinking can revolve around whether we will fail or succeed. Failure enters the equation, rather than say “mistake”, when the stakes are higher. Usually with the fear of failing we can imagine unpleasant consequence, rather than just inconvenience. [Read more…]