Self Esteem Building

Good self esteem means having a good relationship with yourself. In the same way as we have good relationships with other people who are less than perfect, who have faults, so it is with ourselves. We don’t have to be perfect or wonderful. The trick is to appreciate and believe in ourselves, “warts and all”.

When I started this blog a year ago, I initially tried to cover self esteem and self confidence as one broad, somewhat interchangeable concept. The terms are confused and have different connotations in different cultures. Self esteem is a narrower concept, and really just boils down to the relationship between you – and yourself.

So with high self esteem we:-

Like and value ourselves

Are aware of and believe in our abilities

See ourselves as competent and in control

Have a positive attitude about ourselves

Treat ourselves with respect

Treat ourselves as well as we would others and comparing ourselves favorably with others

All these aspects I have touched on in previous posts, as they all revolve around our self talk and thinking habits. Unfortunately, they are also things that are hard to change overnight. We get into the habit of negative self talk, often during childhood as we absorb a battering of negative messages about ourselves from others.

In one of my earliest posts, building confidence – portfolio, I suggested keeping some sort of folder of file in which you keep “evidence” of our value and worth – why we should like ourselves. This doesn’t, and shouldn’t, be just major things but everyday stuff we think nothing of.

To get in the habit of doing this, at the end of each day write down three (or more) things you are pleased about that you have done that day. You can change the word “pleased” to proud of, happy about, or whatever suits you. But ensure it enables you to come up with this short list of positives.

For an example this is my list for today:-

Sent Lisa and thank you email for the buffet she prepared for last weeks teaching

Prepared a meal for my family (despite being the only one who seems to have been at work today!)

Made the effort to go to my photography class, enjoyed the lesson and feel positive about the new topic.

All I am doing above is reminding myself of simple positive things. I could have made a negative list – but why. Unfortunately even if we don’t physically make a negative list we let our mind run over it all the time. So get in the habit of looking at the positives.