Self Esteem Building

Good self esteem means having a good relationship with yourself. In the same way as we have good relationships with other people who are less than perfect, who have faults, so it is with ourselves. We don’t have to be perfect or wonderful. The trick is to appreciate and believe in ourselves, “warts and all”.

When I started this blog a year ago, I initially tried to cover self esteem and self confidence as one broad, somewhat interchangeable concept. The terms are confused and have different connotations in different cultures. Self esteem is a narrower concept, and really just boils down to the relationship between you – and yourself.

So with high self esteem we:-

Like and value ourselves

Are aware of and believe in our abilities

See ourselves as competent and in control

Have a positive attitude about ourselves

Treat ourselves with respect

Treat ourselves as well as we would others and comparing ourselves favorably with others

All these aspects I have touched on in previous posts, as they all revolve around our self talk and thinking habits. Unfortunately, they are also things that are hard to change overnight. We get into the habit of negative self talk, often during childhood as we absorb a battering of negative messages about ourselves from others.

In one of my earliest posts, building confidence – portfolio, I suggested keeping some sort of folder of file in which you keep “evidence” of our value and worth – why we should like ourselves. This doesn’t, and shouldn’t, be just major things but everyday stuff we think nothing of.

To get in the habit of doing this, at the end of each day write down three (or more) things you are pleased about that you have done that day. You can change the word “pleased” to proud of, happy about, or whatever suits you. But ensure it enables you to come up with this short list of positives.

For an example this is my list for today:-

Sent Lisa and thank you email for the buffet she prepared for last weeks teaching

Prepared a meal for my family (despite being the only one who seems to have been at work today!)

Made the effort to go to my photography class, enjoyed the lesson and feel positive about the new topic.

All I am doing above is reminding myself of simple positive things. I could have made a negative list – but why. Unfortunately even if we don’t physically make a negative list we let our mind run over it all the time. So get in the habit of looking at the positives.

Cheryl March 30, 2008 at 4:59 am

Bravo! Even better, can’t wait to get to the photography class because that is my passion! (that’s an aside for me because I’ve been wanting to get to one forever but have been or feel like I have been way too busy).

Cheryl’s last blog post..What Is Your Dream Job?

Valencia April 10, 2008 at 8:14 pm

This post is a good reminder to focus on the positives in your life. I believe self-esteem is a reflection of a person’s sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, at an early age we are unconsciously conditioned to focus on what is ‘wrong’ or ‘lacking’ in our lives instead of being encouraged to look for what is ‘right’ or the good that is already present. Acknowledging our accomplishments and focusing on what aspects of ourselves that we like and can already appreciate is a sure way to build self-esteem.

Valencia’s last blog post..Quantum Physics and the Observer Effect – HEY, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

David Rogers April 13, 2008 at 10:27 pm

Thanks for your comments. Acknowledging our accomplishments is a habit we need to get into.

David Rogers’s last blog post..Dealing with Bullying Behavior

Beth May 2, 2008 at 9:11 pm

What a nice idea about writing down positive thoughts each day! It would certainly point out all of the little things that would usually be overlooked.

chris March 10, 2009 at 3:56 pm

good stuff used it for my assignment

rani August 31, 2009 at 1:36 am

Wow, this is such a nice way of increasing your self esteem. I was too low today and came across with this blog. I am glad that I did. I made my first ever list just now about Why I am happy about myself? and I will continue doing that everyday.
Thanks for posting this.

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