Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Archives for February 2008

Achieving goals with support

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goalGoal setting should be like using a GPS (global positioning system) – you type in a destination, at every junction (or whenever there is uncertainty) you are told which way to go. If only!

As I said in Why haven’t you set goals?, just deciding on a destination is difficult enough. Most of us “drive” our lives without a clear destination, perhaps using a map for guidance, stopping off (or veering off) whenever something catches our attention. Or turn up at the airport (of life) and ask for a ticket to “anywhere” – or use vague destinations, like asking for a ticket to “Europe” or “America”.

The nearest comparable to using a GPS is having someone coach you. Coaching helps an individual, or organization, get to where they want to be. A coach will help you clarify and set goals, then keep yourself on track to achieve them. A coach, in the true definition of coaching, is not there to give advice or make suggestions. [Read more…]

Why haven’t you set goals?

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In my post Do you have a dream? I admitted that whilst believing goals are necessary for most of my adult life, I’ve been pretty poor at setting and using them. In one of my favourite books, A Touch of Greatness, Frank Tibolt describes goal setting as “the greatest of all success techniques“, but used by less than 10% of the population.

So why don’t people set goals:-

Not heard of them
Think they don’t need them
Want to live for the day
Think goals are stressful
Think it’s only for high fliers
Uninspired
No vision
Fear of failure
Don’t recognize the value
Not know how
Fear of success
Don’t feel worthy
Too busy
Don’t want to be answerable to anyone
Don’t know the benefit of goals
Need others approval

I think the main reasons can be summarized as “don’t know”. [Read more…]

Improve Communication

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improve communicationI came across an excellent post on communication, Stop Talking and Start Communicating – which is also a great title. It’s main point is that many people talk “at you, over you and around you – in your general direction” rather than with you.

Some of my posts on communication have been slightly apologetic in suggesting we look at improving something we do automatically – such as breathing. But, as the post author Craig Harper points out:-

“Without doubt, communication is the single most important life skill, yet amazingly, the majority of us don’t consciously work at developing it. Better communication equals better relationships, and better relationships equal a better life. So why wouldn’t we work at it?”

Working at talking with someone, rather than at them, should be a priority for us all. It means being able to adapt what you want to say, and the language you are using, to the particular audience. But moreover it means taking interest in the other person, rather than concentrating on getting your point over. [Read more…]

Do you believe the answers?

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Today I said I’d post the answers to the quiz I set within the Seven Strange Things post. Congratulations to Amy for getting the answers nearly all correct – as I explain below I don’t think you can find an answer to question (i) on the Internet. Here are the questions again:-

i) How many vertebrae does a giraffe have?
ii) Whose moment of flame came on 25th July 1992
iii) Which of Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes Stories takes its name from a racehorse?
iv) What is the connection between Citizen Kane and The Brownies?
v) How many people have walked on the moon?
vi) What was the loudest noise ever recorded on earth?
vii) Who wrote the chart topping hit (for Maria Carey amoungst others) “Without You”

Answers:-
(i) Like most mammals the giraffe only has 7 vertebrae in its neck, but that wasn’t the question. Amy, like others before her, I assume found the website that erroneously states 24. The answer is between 45 and 51, slight variations taking place between species of giraffe.

When I originally set the quiz, 4 years ago, I had to go to a Natural History Museum (in Dublin) to count the vertebrae on a giraffe’s skeleton! That one had 48. The person who got the answer correct used to carry out postmortems on giraffes when working as a zoo pathologist… [Read more…]

How to Have Great Self Confidence

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In a funny sort of way, this blog is an example of gaining confidence in something simply by doing. And now, I've hit 100 posts. My early posts were considerably shorter than what I write now. 

But whether or not we believe other people, trusting ourselves should be simpler. Rational, unemotional, self assessment should tell us whether or not we have the skills and ability to do something. If the answer is yes – end of story? No, the story goes on.

Quite a few posts have been purely skills based – such as learning assertiveness, how to say no, how to improve your speaking voice, how to solve problems. But to date 24 posts have been tagged with "thinking" – automatic thoughts, irrational thinking, affirmations, worry. So much of our self confidence, our trust in ourselves, is undermined by our thinking. [Read more…]