Toxic People and Spots

I’ve started receiving feedback from my newsletter, Self Esteem Review. Since that only appears in my inbox, I feel I need a some way of posting the more significant letters on this blog, so anyone can respond with comments.

So, whilst I’m not too sure how best to work this, I’ve decided to go ahead and post the latest and see what anyone thinks about this.

In This Issue:-

* 8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid
* Do My Spots Look Good on This?
* Quotes of the Day 
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8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid

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I’ve just come across a wonderful post about negative people – not just negative, but TOXIC! Its an often suggested tip for raising self esteem, but “avoid negative people” doesn’t convey the damage that others can do to us – usually without their intending.

But “toxic” people suck up our time and energy, drain our self esteem,
and leave us with little room to look at our own needs, rather than
theirs. As author Brett Blumenthal, in the Ghana News, says:-

“All of these personalities have several things in common.
1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue.

2) Unfortunately, most of these people don’t see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one.

3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.”

So if you want to learn whether you have a Manipulative Mary, Narcissistic
Nellie, Insincere Illissas or other toxic folk in your circle, check
out:- 8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid

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Do My Spots Look Good on This?

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On my last blog post their is a photo of me and my eldest daughter
Emma taken professionally for her Duke of Edinburgh Gold Award. What
I don’t say on the blog is I was offered the opportunity of having the
photograph “enhanced” for an extra £10.  They could have removed my spots and whitened our eyes and teeth!!

Despite having already forked out a small fortune for the session we
politely declined. The photo shows my miss matching suit (I seem to
have expanded somewhat since I last wore it) and Emma’s bad hair day

but that’s what we look like!

So many people strive to look like the celebrities and models on the covers
of magazines – even though the photographs are often enhanced. In the
post itself I report on an experiment at a British school that looked at
the self esteem of a few pupils who had to go a few weeks without
their “bling” –  including make up.

Learning to accept ourselves as we are, to love ourselves “warts (and
in my case spots) and all” is part of developing and sustaining self esteem

Check out the post – Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

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Quotes of the Day
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“Avoid negative people at all costs. They are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self-esteem.” ~ Brian Tracy

“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure — which is: Try to please everybody.?” ~ Herbert B. Swope

Ian Barrett June 3, 2009 at 8:15 pm

Great blog. Thanks a lot. I seem to have a lot of toxic people around me, and they are very intoxicating. My father, God rest his soul, was a very negative person – always moaning about the neighbours and other people. As I enter middle age, I have got more like him, but am fighting it!

David June 3, 2009 at 9:22 pm

Thanks Ian for your comment and kind words. What attracted me to that post was my recognising several of the people, past and present, who I have been in contact with. Work places in particular have been full of toxic people, not always easy to avoid.

Atina June 5, 2009 at 3:12 pm

I know that there are bad people, but I also know that we never asked why that people are bad (probably because of their circumstances) and we are never asked whether we may be bad for them. I think that we should think a little about these issues.

Montana June 10, 2009 at 10:39 am

I don’t think people are bad from birth, rather that the society molds them, and that childhood experiences are usually character-defining.

Kashmira June 16, 2009 at 10:10 pm

These toxic personalities are indeed bad for our mental health.
Most of the times we DO recognize them and feel really uncomfortable around them.
I would love to know how to handle these people, most of us try to be accommodating towards everyone and do get sucked into their negativity.
How can we manage to come out of this? Would love to see pointers on that!

Kashmiras last blog post..Do What You Can!

David June 16, 2009 at 10:49 pm

Thank you all for your comments. Trying to understand why people are “bad” is really a separate issue from how we deal with them on a day to day basis. Even if someone has had a terrible childhood and every thing possible has gone wrong for them since, it doesn’t give them an excuse to bring us down as well.
Apart from avoiding/dropping people, which may not be possible or desirable, it comes back to being assertive. If you look up my assertiveness posts, and how to express feelings, this really forms the backbone of how confident communication. I can’t link from within comments, let me know if you get stuck.

Montana July 22, 2009 at 7:05 pm

I love the way you separate assertiveness from agresivity in your posts, I think that’s a point that’s seldom made.

Martin - Security. July 25, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Interesting post. I am amused about the offer to enhance your photograph.

I don’t think there is software powerful enough to enhance any photo of me, it would give up under the strain :0) But, “I am what I yam.” as my favorite cartoon character says.
.-= Martin – Security.´s last blog ..Jul 25, High Security Safes : Protect Your Valuables with a security safe. =-.

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