Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Come for a swim?

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The Swim

Two days ago I had my first swim of the year in the sea. Big deal? Well it is if you live in England as the water is very cold still! Even in the height of summer its quite cold. On Saturday I only managed 10 minutes before having to come out.

But inspired by this I have committed myself to doing a sponsored swim. I have done one before – in 1970!! Then, aged about 12 I swam 3/4 mile in a swimming pool. This time its 1.4 miles in the sea, between two piers.

I have also said I will try and raise £150 (US$300) in sponsorship, which isn’t a huge amount. However, I’m not that familiar with raising money and its not that long to the event.

Why am I blogging about this – how will it help you get great self confidence. Well, for me it solidifies the commitment, pushing me outside my comfort zone. I’ve created two goals I know I can reach – but with effort. I know achieving these goals will be great for my confidence. However good your confidence, its not a permanent state. We all need to top up from time to time.

So, hopefully this will inspire you to set yourself goals that stretch and push your comfort zone. And help you build great self confidence.

Are you a “yes” person?

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One problem with wanting to be liked is you agree to requests from others without looking at your needs. Over the years I have met many people who would automatically say “yes”, thinking that it would help them make friends and be liked.

Unfortunately, just saying “yes” means you get used and abused. Learning to say “no” is an important part of confident communication (or assertiveness). It is part of recognizing your rights and respecting your needs.

If saying no to someone makes them angry and stomp off – well what sort of friendship is that? They will go and find someone else to take advantage of. True friendship is based on recognizing each others needs, not just our own.

Confidence marathon

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As I write this 34,000 people are competing in the London Marathon – many running 26.2 miles for the first time. Whatever their reasons for entering (millions of $/£’s are raised for charities) completing the race is a tremendous achievement.

I was part of the crowd last year supporting my daughter who did her first marathon, aged 18. An extreme method of building self confidence? There is little doubt that stepping outside our comfort zone and achieving a goal that needs a lot of hard work and commitment is a great boost to anyone’s self confidence.

I did the race in 1998 and one big factor is that you are competing in the same race as the “elite” runners. The 2007 Women’s winner has just finished in 2hours 20 minutes – she’ll be having lunch back at her hotel when most of the other women are finishing, but that won’t worry them! You are all part of the same event.

Running may not press your buttons, but there are equivalent endeavors we can all achieve – it just takes commitment and hard work.

An Inspirational Thought

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I subscribe to a fairly eclectic mix of newsletters, or ezines. One recent addition is called Kickstart Today and this is a quote from a recent edition:-

An Inspirational Thought

There is a little voice in our heads that acts as a
valve: whenever we start to get too enthusiastic,
motivated or inspired, the little voice tries to close
down the flow.

That voice is called doubt.

Even the most positive among us have this annoying
little creature living inside our skulls.

We can live with doubt – and forever limit our actions
(and hugely restrict our potential). Or, we can learn
to ignore the voice. It shouts pretty loud though.

Even better, we can overwhelm it.

Daily affirmations are one such tool we can easily use
to drown out the voice of doubt. Every time we repeat
to ourselves that we are successful, smart, proactive,
healthy, wealthy or … (fill in your own blank), the
voice of doubt becomes weaker.

When your affirmations shout and your voice of doubt
whispers, your success in whatever you desire will be
assured.

Thanks to Martin Avis (who also has a good blog!) for letting me quote his newsletter. I will return to affirmations and a technique to capture them tomorrow. Getting in the habit of using positive statements about ourselves is a key factor in obtaining great self confidence.

What great self confidence can do for you

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My 19 year old daughter is about to return home after over 3 months working in children’s homes in India. She spent similar time in Ghana late last year. When I was her age there is no way I could have embarked on such adventures.

Throughout my teens and early twenties I was quite shy and lacked self confidence. Leaving home was a very gradual process and looking back I had some lucky breaks that propelled me forward and helped me change.

The bottom line with any form of self improvement is that you have to change from how you are now. Sometimes, like with me, circumstances and people around you help facilitate change without much conscious effort. Other times, it’s down to you to decide that you want to change and take the steps necessary to move forward.

I’m really happy that whatever we got right as parents helped give my daughter sufficient self confidence to undertake this gap year and travel and work abroad.