As well as expressing feelings, another thing that we can avoid if we lack self-confidence is expressing opinions. If you are asked for an opinion, the simplest route is to give honestly and without apologizing. This is an area where if you are in the habit of trying to please others, you’re going to have to make some changes!
If you try to avoid offending or upsetting people by agreeing with them all the time, then you will never command any respect from them – or yourself. As with feelings, keep it simple and personalize –
“I think…”,
“I like…”,
“I would not like…”,
“I would prefer…”,
“In my opinion…”
“It seems to me that…”
This isn’t the same as insisting that you are right or that your point of view must prevail. It may be that everyone else thinks differently and the group consensus decides a different direction to yours. Or your boss decides that despite your view, he will do what he thinks best! Unfortunately, life isn’t always win/win.
The bottom line is that if you are asked for your opinion, or to make a choice, you should give it honestly and without apologizing. And within conversations, meetings, discussion – any forum for communication – if you are to be part of it, give your opinion. Don’t be a lurker!
I have just started a list of out standing personal development bloggers. I added you to my original top 5 list. I am asking that each of you add your favorites too. Please, carry it on and add to the list.
My wife struggles with this, and since she does she tends to get walked on by her family. I’ll have to tell her to read this!
Nice article, you’ve been stumbled!
Hey David,
Found you over at Aaron’s blog.
You have a great Blog.
Craig
This post is so true and I agree with you. Thanks for sharing!
-Saedel
PS. I like the blog, looks clean, simple and organized.
I feel that a big problem for someone with low confidence or poor self esteem is that when they give their opinion the other person may reply or put them down because of that opinion.
I have often found that if someone asks for an opinion then the best first step is to try to ellicit the other person’s opinion first. That way you have their view on the issue. You can then decide whether to agree with that view or question that view. The important thing is to remember to discuss the view not the person who holds that view.
Quite often, of course, you may not have an opinion on a subject that is being asked. Best then to simply say that you have no opinon or you have not thought about it and then ask the other person for their perspective.
This is easier than trying to make up a view on the spot. It also tends to put you in control of the conversation.