This post and Distract Yourself from Self Talk was inspired by a previous comment saying “how am I supposed to stop caring about what people think? It’s not a switch I can just turn off…”
I said there were two techniques, one - “distraction”, which featured in the Distract yourself post, and two - positive challenge. This second technique is equally simple in practice, you challenge the negative thoughts you are experiencing and come up with positive alternatives.
It is useful, whichever technique you use, to monitor your thoughts. keep a rough diary of what thoughts you get. The underlying principle is to get on top of what automatic thinking habits you have got. You may find all you negative thoughts center on just one problem.
If you want to start challenging negative thoughts, its easier (in one way) if your negative thoughts center over one particular problem. Because to move forward you need to be able to define the thought or worry as a problem - if you can’t, why are you worrying?!
If you monitor thoughts or just record them, it is likely that particular themes or recurring thoughts will appear. Using the problem solving technique - define the actual problem behind the thought.
For example, if you have an event coming up where you have to do something like give a short speech, your thoughts may be “I’ll make a fool of myself”, “I’ll stand there and have nothing to say”, “I’ll get my words wrong”, “Everyone will laugh at me”….
The underlying problem is something like “I’ve got a speech to do and I’m concerned I won’t perform well”. Breaking it down further you can look at what you have to do in more detail:- “I’m giving a talk about what I do, I’ve plenty of time to prepare in detail what I want to say.” “The people there will be interested in what I have to say.” “No one will expect a slick, professional presentation. They’re going to be supportive.”
If you look at most situations logically you can come up with positives to counter your negatives. In the above example you can come up with one short statement “I am going to be well prepared and rehearsed, everyone wants to hear what I have to say” to repeat to yourself whenever the negatives creep in.
If you cannot come up with positives, even a delaying type statement.. “I will look at the problem when I’m physically well.. or when I can discuss it with Peter”. Like other techniques, practice to get it right for you.
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- Distract yourself from self talk
- What are you worrying about?
- Confidence in your environment
- Stop Seeking the Approval of Others
- Thinking - automatic thoughts
7 responses so far ↓
1 Build a self confidence portfolio // Dec 11, 2007 at 8:02 am
[…] is how you see yourself and what you tell yourself - further reason to get out of the habit of negative self talk. Instead, get in the habit of reflecting and recalling your positive experiences. Most of us feel […]
2 Anxiety, Affirmations & Yaro // Jan 24, 2008 at 11:53 pm
[…] we might take the use of positive affirmations more seriously. We forget how often we absorb negative messages throughout our day - in effect we are constantly giving ourselves negative […]
3 self confidence // Feb 6, 2008 at 10:27 pm
[…] No, the story goes on. Quite a few posts have been purely skills based - such as learning assertiveness, how to say no, how to improve your speaking voice, how to solve problems. But to date 24 posts have been tagged with “thinking” - automatic thoughts, irrational thinking, affirmations, worry. So much of our self confidence, our trust in ourselves, is undermined by our thinking. Unfortunately, most of us are extremely skilled at thinking negatively! […]
4 self confidence // Feb 6, 2008 at 10:27 pm
[…] No, the story goes on. Quite a few posts have been purely skills based - such as learning assertiveness, how to say no, how to improve your speaking voice, how to solve problems. But to date 24 posts have been tagged with “thinking” - automatic thoughts, irrational thinking, affirmations, worry. So much of our self confidence, our trust in ourselves, is undermined by our thinking. Unfortunately, most of us are extremely skilled at thinking negatively! […]
5 Divine // Feb 12, 2008 at 1:42 am
Thank you for posting this article. I also try hard to work on negitive thoughts as much as humanly possible and this article helps tremendously. My appreciation to you is in the highest sense.
To show you my gratitude I would like to share with you a post I found that also helps with this: http://consciousflex.blogspot.com/2008/01/how-to-stay-positive-in-negative.html
Thank you indeed. I hope it helps you and others who read this as much as this post of yours as helped, please keep up the incredible work in helping others!
6 How to find Happiness | How to Have Great Self Confidence // Mar 1, 2008 at 1:25 pm
[…] negative thoughts to creep in. I have posted quite often about positive thinking and techniques for challenging negative thoughts. I do practice what I preach, but like everyone I have a lifetime of habits to contend […]
7 Build a self confidence portfolio | How to Have Great Self Confidence // Mar 15, 2008 at 11:27 am
[…] is how you see yourself and what you tell yourself - further reason to get out of the habit of negative self talk. Instead, get in the habit of reflecting and recalling your positive experiences. Most of us feel […]
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