Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

A Confident Move

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Over the past ten days I have moved this blog to a new server and upgraded it to the latest version of WordPress. I had become dissatisfied with the service I was getting from my previous “home”, and decided I needed to move. But in the run up to doing so, I found a lot of my energy and focus was on moving, rather than writing.

Having gained confidence in managing the technology around maintaining a blog, I suddenly realized I was entering new territory and things could go horribly wrong. Whilst there have been a few problems, especially with upgrading, that have left this blog in a rather wonky state at times, things are settling down.

I write this not just to explain the increasing gaps between posts recently, but to reflect on how easily our confidence can fall away when we step out of our comfort zone. [Read more…]

How to find Happiness

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happinessI have read quite a few posts about happyness recently, as another blogger Alex Shalman has a Happiness project going on. Its taken me a while to answer his questions, which are at the end of this post.

I have read many times that if you’re aim and energies are directed to finding happiness itself, you will never find it. That to try and seek happiness directly is doomed to failure. I would very much subscribe to that view. But whilst recognizing that this is important, it doesn’t take away from the fact that as individuals and society we can do many things that will make us happier.

Some argue that Governments should do more, and focus less on economic growth and more on policies that will help the people they serve find happiness. Some Governments, such as Bhutan, have even started to do that! The fact remains that despite having greater wealth, better standards of living and possessions galore to improve our happiness, in most Western countries happiness levels have declined over the past 50 years. [Read more…]

Achieving goals with support

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goalGoal setting should be like using a GPS (global positioning system) – you type in a destination, at every junction (or whenever there is uncertainty) you are told which way to go. If only!

As I said in Why haven’t you set goals?, just deciding on a destination is difficult enough. Most of us “drive” our lives without a clear destination, perhaps using a map for guidance, stopping off (or veering off) whenever something catches our attention. Or turn up at the airport (of life) and ask for a ticket to “anywhere” – or use vague destinations, like asking for a ticket to “Europe” or “America”.

The nearest comparable to using a GPS is having someone coach you. Coaching helps an individual, or organization, get to where they want to be. A coach will help you clarify and set goals, then keep yourself on track to achieve them. A coach, in the true definition of coaching, is not there to give advice or make suggestions. [Read more…]

Why haven’t you set goals?

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In my post Do you have a dream? I admitted that whilst believing goals are necessary for most of my adult life, I’ve been pretty poor at setting and using them. In one of my favourite books, A Touch of Greatness, Frank Tibolt describes goal setting as “the greatest of all success techniques“, but used by less than 10% of the population.

So why don’t people set goals:-

Not heard of them
Think they don’t need them
Want to live for the day
Think goals are stressful
Think it’s only for high fliers
Uninspired
No vision
Fear of failure
Don’t recognize the value
Not know how
Fear of success
Don’t feel worthy
Too busy
Don’t want to be answerable to anyone
Don’t know the benefit of goals
Need others approval

I think the main reasons can be summarized as “don’t know”. [Read more…]

Improve Communication

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improve communicationI came across an excellent post on communication, Stop Talking and Start Communicating – which is also a great title. It’s main point is that many people talk “at you, over you and around you – in your general direction” rather than with you.

Some of my posts on communication have been slightly apologetic in suggesting we look at improving something we do automatically – such as breathing. But, as the post author Craig Harper points out:-

“Without doubt, communication is the single most important life skill, yet amazingly, the majority of us don’t consciously work at developing it. Better communication equals better relationships, and better relationships equal a better life. So why wouldn’t we work at it?”

Working at talking with someone, rather than at them, should be a priority for us all. It means being able to adapt what you want to say, and the language you are using, to the particular audience. But moreover it means taking interest in the other person, rather than concentrating on getting your point over. [Read more…]