Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Start Losing Control

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interview self confidenceControl is an interesting concept that affects our self confidence. If we don’t feel in control of a situation, for whatever reason, it is likely that our anxiety levels will increase.

The lack of control doesn’t have to be real. We can conjure up in our imagination all sorts of scenarios where a future situation may go wrong. If you are due to give a speech you may imagine “drying up”, stumbling over words, people not laughing at your jokes, people being upset at what you have said.

Lack of Control

In my opening post I suggest that we have to accept this lack of control. To build self confidence in an uncertain world, with variables out of our control, its more useful to deal with the anxiety than fight a futile battle to gain control.

Feeling anxious, stressed, and at the mercy of others is bound to affect our confidence in our ability to perform the task required. And confidence is selective – whilst lacking confidence about giving a speech you may be very confident in other areas, such as talking with friends in any small groups or individually.

A top sportsman may be supremely confident when performing in front of thousands in a stadium, but lack confidence when required to talk about the event afterwards. Unfortunately, like anything with anxiety at its core, it can spread if doubts regarding one scenario start creeping into others. [Read more…]

Are we being pathetic?

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Its somewhat ironic when a newspaper writes at length about how we have become obsessed by risks, and fear is a “constant companion”. With the headline “Scared to death? The REAL worry is today’s culture of fear”

fear2I’m sure the Daily Mail wouldn’t dream of adding to, or capitalise from, any of the fears that plague us today?!

I like this quote from a Professor of Sociology, Frank Furedi, who they have wheeled out for the article:-

“These days we live in constant fear, it is always lurking in the background. We live in terror of disease, abuse, stranger danger, environmental devastation, terrorism, even the sun. We cannot even enjoy the most simple pleasure – the sun – without hearing these warnings about skin cancer.

Likewise eating and food has become a morally charged activity. The massive growth of fear-mongering campaigns and crusades during the past quarter- century is unprecedented. The result is that it diminishes our experience of being alive, it forces us to engage with the world as pathetic individuals who can’t cope with the problems of everyday life.“

Wow Frank, don’t hold back! [Read more…]

Fear is the Key

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I started writing this post about a week ago. My theme of fear isn’t that original, but constantly recurring in our thoughts. Since starting writing, two things have happened to me that have reinforced the stupidity of most of our fears.


Without going into the gory details, I had a biopsy last Tuesday for possible prostate cancer. I’ve had one before, and its precautionary rather than done with great expectation of having cancer. But the mere act of going through a very invasive procedure, and confronting the possibility of a life threatening disease does heighten your awareness of the fragility of life.

14 hours after undergoing the biopsy, my daughter informed us that our car was on fire. So at 4.15am, about 5 hours since last used, we waited for the fire brigade to arrive. This brief clip now on YouTube (where else!)  shows the demise of “Ethel”. [Read more…]

Confidence is Crucial

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Well, what happened to January? Suddenly a twelfth of 2009 has been and gone, never to return.  Despite the miserable weather (its just started snowing), credit crunch and post Christmas slump I’ve quite enjoyed January. Its been a time of reflection, planning and generally rebuilding. Rather than embarking on over optimistic goals (or resolutions) it great to stop and think where you are and what is important to you. A calender year doesn’t have to be the boundary for setting goals. Reflecting on this blog and newsletter, Self Esteem Review, and how best to move forward I came across this quote in a book I’m currently reading:-

People who lack confidence and self belief always underachieve. They’re less adventurous and less likely to get the most out of life. They’re more prone to a variety of stress related problems, including anxiety, eating disorders and mental health problems. Low self esteem is the fundamental cause of most family breakups, poor parenting and relationship problems. In addition, much crime is associated with drug abuse, unemployment, poverty and aimlessness, all of which are related to low self esteem.

365 Steps to Self Confidence, David Lawrence Preston Well, that’s quite a powerful endorsement of the importance of building great self confidence and self esteem – and its just from his introduction! [Read more…]

Myth of the Addictive Personality

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Eric Clapton - Addictive personality or just low self esteem?

The actor Colin Farrell says

“I definitely have an addictive personality”

– he succumbed not just to alcohol and drugs but to breakfast cereal Rice Krispies! He has been treated for his addictions at the Crossroads Center, a rehab clinic set up by rock guitarist Eric Clapton in Antigua.

Coincidentally, Clapton, is another celebrity who has admitted to an “addictive personality”.  He went through addictions to heroin, cocaine and alcohol. He was successfully treated for his drug addiction, but then fell into problems with alcohol.

Whilst the term “addictive personality” may be helpful to explain away an addiction, it doesn’t have any real meaning or basis in science. There is some evidence that there is a genetic predisposition to develop addictions and some personality disorders can make someone more prone to compulsive behavior.

The other problem with “addictive personality” is it suggests that someone has no control, no way of stopping the problem. It can put responsibility out of their hands. It was interesting to listen to British comedian Jim Davidson blame everyone but himself for what had gone wrong in his life – an addict to woman as well as alcohol.  As well as blaming his “addictive personality”, he blamed the press for the end of his fourth marriage following the publicizing of an affair:-

“The media did it. I wouldn’t have told her.”

Eric Clapton has referred to his very confused, tumultuous childhood – discovering his mother was actually his sister among other things. [Read more…]