Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Forget New Year Resolutions

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self confidenceAs in my previous post, I'm going to highlight When New Year Resolutions Breakdown, which I wrote this time last year.

To end this year I'm going to break a variety of habits, firstly by publishing an article by someone else! It also has no direct reference to either self confidence or self esteem. To cap it all, its about 5 years old!!

That said, I think this article says everything that needs to be said about New Year Resolutions, and the more important issue of having a Life Plan – more of which from me in 2010.

Forget New Year's Resolutions – They Don't Work

by Vic Johnson

You can forget about making New Year's Resolutions if you're hoping for a successful outcome. Most aren't worth the paper they're written on.

No less than Mark Twain has written of New Year's Resolutions, "Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink, and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever."

The biggest majority of New Year's Resolutions have gone by the wayside before January is over and most won't even be remembered six months later. And the reason is pretty simple: Most are made in response to something negative — a habit or situation that the person wants to change or end. [Read more…]

Adjust your Attitude

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self confidenceAs we move towards year, and decade, end its a usual time to reflect and make plans (dare I say resolutions!) for 2010.  Last year, in When New Year Resolutions Break Down, I discussed not getting too hung up on 1st January as being the only time to set goals.  The more important part of that opening sentence is reflect – what can we learn from our experiences.

My own period of reflection is still a "work in progress", but one thing I'm going to work on in 2010 is my attitude. Self confidence is nothing if not an attitude – and what attitude you adopt is under your control. Here are a couple of examples.

Gill Hicks

Originally from Australia, Gill Hicks has lived in London since 1992.  Her life was totally transformed by the terrorist attack on London in July 2005 ("7/7") – as Gill put it she "started life number 2".  Standing close to the suicide bomber, she lost both her legs and nearly died – losing 80% of her blood and suffering 3 cardiac arrests in the aftermath. [Read more…]

When New Year Resolutions Break Down

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I have reflected before on the strange phenomenon of new year resolutions. The majority of people never use goal setting for most of the year. But come 1st January they set themselves unrealistic goals, masquerading as resolutions. Sometime later in January they absentmindedly eat a cake or smoke a cigarette and find they’ve broken their resolution – and return to their pre January habits.

The statistic about resolutions are pretty bleak, quoted in The Happiness Project:-

According to one survey, the top three resolutions made by Americans in 2009 are:
1. Losing weight — 20%
2. Quitting smoking — 16%
3. Spending less — 12%
—About 80% of people who make resolutions stop keeping them by mid-February.
—Two-thirds of dieters gain back any lost weight within a year.
—Many people make and break the same resolution year after year.

Part of me feels I should be encouraging new year’s resolutions – after all I’ve created this blog and written thousands of words on making positive changes. A resolution is a statement of intent to make change. The explosion of “goal setting” around January should be welcomed as a sign that people want to make changes in their life, they’re perhaps just going about it the wrong way. So why does it go wrong – and why is a well intentioned, goal setting activity, seen as a bit of a joke?

[Read more…]

Who are you?

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Not just a great Who song, but a pretty good question to ask yourself. Are you a high flier? Or are you cruising just above the tree tops – or stuck on the runway? Or worse, still trying to find the airport!

Today is December 1st and in a months time we’ll have the annual goal setting bonanza called New Year Resolutions. I have discussed goal setting before in different ways, my favorite being the use of compass setting mentality rather than rigid, over elaborate goals. But also, I have stressed that January 1 isn’t the only day, and certainly not always the best day, to set new goals.

If nothing changes where will you be this time next year?

Much of what we do is habit, from brushing our teeth to the side of the bed we sleep. Changing habits isn’t easy. But if you reflect on how your life is now, how you got to where you are now, you should be able to get a picture of how your life will be any time hence (doesn’t have to be a year) if you continue without change.

Look at all aspects of your life, such as work/career, money, health, family, friendships/love, spiritual/personal growth, leisure/fun/recreation/sport, environment.

To be honest, the best way is to give yourself headings that feel right for you and start writing. Don’t just focus on work or income generation. The whole purpose is to look at your life as a whole and not jump to conclusions. [Read more…]

Achieve your Goals with a Compass

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yellow-confidence We’ve just started the second half of 2008, and some of us have just reached a landmark of a different kind – hitting the big five oh! A time to review and reset goals? I have written about goal setting quite a few times, especially about six months ago when everyone was setting goals and resolutions:-

In Are goals necessary? I reflected that I have had mixed success with goal setting and in my career I have taken opportunities rather than following a clear plan – so why be “SMART”?

Do you have passion or desire? discussed the concept of a “road map” – all the rage in December – and looked at getting excited about making changes, finding passion or desire.

Do you have a dream – concluded goals are necessary, but insufficient. We need some inner drive or passion.

Why haven’t you set goals? did address the balance with arguments in favor of goals and reasons people don’t set them.

In Achieving goals with support I used the example of goal setting being like using a GPs unit. For the first time I mentioned how coaching, or using support, could be helpful to get us to where we want to be.

Recently I have been coached and I have been coaching someone myself – more of which some other time. A broad definition of life coaching that I had been using is

“unlocking a persons potential to maximize their own performance. Its helping them to learn rather than teaching them.”
(Tim Gallway, quoted by Whitmore in Coaching for Performance)

I’ve recently adopted a broader definition “helping facilitate growth and change“ as coaching is something that is happening all the time. As I argued in achieving goals with support a friend or family member may “coach” you and help you achieve or change, but do so through everyday conversation. [Read more…]