Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Dealing with Perfectionism

by

dealing with perfectionismPerfectionism came up as a comment on my last post, being good. It sounds fine – searching for the highest standards, being displeased with anything less than perfect. But it can lead to distress and self condemnation when you do anything thats less than perfect.

I’ve come across this interesting test that gives you a rating (%) of how much of a perfectionist you are. But most of us know whether or not we are perfectionists, and whether or not it you feel its an asset or hindrance.

There are differing theories as to where perfectionism comes from, some suggesting that there is a genetic component as it tends to run in families. But equally the behavior of parents towards children has a huge effect. If parents are strict, disciplinarians then children learn to fear making mistakes.

If a child only receives love or attention when successful – such as getting top marks in class, they will strive towards perfectionism in adulthood. To be loved, they have to be perfect. [Read more…]

Affirmation software

by

Following on from my post on affirmations, there is no denying that for most people the act of reciting positive affirmations is quite strange. Like with other forms of goal setting, you write them out with the best of intention  but never get around to looking at them on a regular basis. More importantly, affirmations have to be read with emotion and made to feel real  otherwise your subconscious mind will not take them on as reality.

In the past I have tried computer software and subliminal CDs to help this process and tried to make my own affirmation board  a combination of affirmation statements and pictures/photographs. Despite my interest in photography, this never properly got off the ground. But over the past 3 months I have been trying a new piece of software called “Vision Board”. This helps you create an active screensaver, which is a combination of photographs and affirmations. [Read more…]

Affirmations

by

self confidenceAn affirmation is a positive self talk statement. They are usually goals – such as tangible things (to earn $xxxx a year) – where you can clearly say yes or no whether they have been achieved. But affirmations can also cover personal qualities – “to be a positive person” or “to have great self confidence”.

An affirmation is always stated in the present tense – “I am a positive person”, “I earn $200,000 a year”,” I have great self confidence”. The logic behind affirmations is that giving yourself positive messages, the mind starts believing it to be so. This is exactly the same principle as how negative thinking undermines us – being told repeatedly “you’re useless”, we believe it to be true.

Affirmations won’t work unless you [Read more…]

Goodbye to Jane and Andrew

by

There is a lot more to be said about thinking, but my habit is to bounce around and not get bogged down on one topic. There are many other things I want to address. In a recent post on positive thinking I mentioned, somewhat flippantly, that I recently had a biopsy. This is a test for cancer (in my case prostate). I now know that the results are non malignant, and basically I’m in the clear.

Thinking about ones own mortality is quite a sobering experience. It happens to coincide with my reading about two deaths. One was Jane Tomlinson, which anyone in the UK cannot fail to have been aware of. She was a 43 year old mother of three, who was first diagnosed with cancer in 1991. The disease returned in 2000, when she was told she only had months to live. Despite (or because of) this she undertook various physical challenges over the next seven years, including 3 London Marathons and cycling across America. She raised over £1.5 million, but always maintained she was very “ordinary” [Read more…]

How to expressing feelings

by

My posts on confident communication, or assertiveness, have looked at how to say no, and types of behavior that are not assertive – such as passive, manipulative and aggressive. I also went over a “bill of rights“, that expands on the underlying mindset behind assertiveness.

One right is to be able to say what or how you feel, and what you want. Being unable to say how you feel can lead to frustration, and ultimately conflict. If you feel strongly about something, its important to acknowledge it, and make others aware of how you feel.

A useful way to express feelings is to use the following structure:- [Read more…]