Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Stop Seeking the Approval of Others

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stop seeking approvalDo you approve of yourself – or do you seek the approval of others? When we lack confidence and in particular have low self esteem, we find ourselves needing the approval of others to feel good about ourselves.

Unfortunately, in this day and age of being over worked and under valued, the approval of others may be slow to happen. Saying “well done” or “thank you” doesn’t seem to common language in modern society – and how often do you say such things to others?

Being self critical is an easy habit to get into, and forms the basis of our needing approval from others. The root of our self criticism is usually being at the receiving end of criticism from others as we grow up. I like the expression that “criticism is negative feedback badly delivered”. Constantly receiveing messages like “you’re too slow/stupid/bad/ugly/…” etc leads to us believing that this is a reality. [Read more…]

Dealing with Perfectionism

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dealing with perfectionismPerfectionism came up as a comment on my last post, being good. It sounds fine – searching for the highest standards, being displeased with anything less than perfect. But it can lead to distress and self condemnation when you do anything thats less than perfect.

I’ve come across this interesting test that gives you a rating (%) of how much of a perfectionist you are. But most of us know whether or not we are perfectionists, and whether or not it you feel its an asset or hindrance.

There are differing theories as to where perfectionism comes from, some suggesting that there is a genetic component as it tends to run in families. But equally the behavior of parents towards children has a huge effect. If parents are strict, disciplinarians then children learn to fear making mistakes.

If a child only receives love or attention when successful – such as getting top marks in class, they will strive towards perfectionism in adulthood. To be loved, they have to be perfect. [Read more…]

Authority Blogging

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Sometimes my posts have veered off topic or had only a tenuous link to self confidence or self esteem. This post is more of a reflection on why I blog and how I would like to improve things over the next year. I started blogging at the end of March 2007. So as this is a sort of anniversary, please forgive any self indulgence.

In my recent tinkering and upgrading of this site, I have also added a couple of advertising “widgets”. Whilst I don’t expect this blog to generate any significant income, like most I’m used to getting financially rewarded when I do work that benefits others.

My previous hesitancy was whether putting adverts or affiliate links on my blog would dilute its “authority”. That sounds totally pretentious – and has probably knocked my authority for six anyway! But that was something I picked up in my early days learning how to be a blogger.

The work authority has come up a few times for me recently. Initially I was inspired to write a post for a competition, about being an Authentic Blogger, by Chris Garrett. Despite being someone I would describe as an authority himself Chris responded to my first attempt at a meme. Consequently I’ve been an avid reader of his daily blogging ever since!

Over the past weekend I found myself struggling when trying to explain why I started a blog. I was on a Coaching for Occupational Therapists course – all of us experienced, professional people who are embarking on training that will give us expertise to practice in a related field. [Read more…]

Do you believe in fairies?

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minstead1Let me tell you a bit about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes. He was born in Scotland in 1859 and he studied to be a doctor at Edinburgh University. Medicine took him to the Arctic Circle (on a whaling ship) and Africa before he established a practice on the English south coast.

His first Sherlock Holmes story, A Study in Scarlet, became widely read worldwide before he was 30. Throughout his life, Conan Doyle saw the “Holmes” stories as commercial and wished to be regarded as a serious author by his other work (plays, historic novels and poetry – Sherlock Holmes initially gained huge readership in a popular magazine).

A man of principle and courage, whatever his own reservations regarding his creation of Sherlock Holmes, his knighthood and other awards made him one of the most influential and respected men of his generation. But he was not without controversy. He held strong beliefs in the occult and in particular he expounded spiritualism, being able to communicate with the dead. [Read more…]

Challenging beliefs

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improve self esteemI’ve come across an interesting twist on thinking and how what we believe affects the way we feel. And to reiterate – how we feel and how we view ourselves is at the heart of our self confidence.

In the UK there is a popular TV show called “Who do you think you are?”, in which various celebrities unravel their ancestral history and draw up a family tree. Its quite addictive TV, as often (with much background help from the production team!) they can trace back several generations.

This week they featured actor John Hurt. He had grown up being told by his family that he was descended from an Irish aristocrat. This had always affected him, this belief he had Irish blood in him. When visiting Ireland he felt that “it was his home”.

Unfortunately for John, the programme did not have a happy ending. [Read more…]