Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Review of Fabulous Self Esteem

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Fabulous Self Esteem

The above video is part of a promotion used for Amy Twain’s ebook, “Fabulous Self Esteem ~ Right About Now“. This is both well written and very contemporary.  She has lots of calls to action, some of which were new to me.

What I liked

Amy starts with an explanation of what self esteem is and how it differs from self confidence.  This is a useful introduction that illustrates how people try to sustain their self esteem with unsustainable strategies:-

“most individuals having low self esteem often-times depend on how they are doing presently to determine how they feel about themselves.”

The ebook also includes an eleven question quiz to help evaluate your self esteem. The first three chapters look at the origins of low self esteem and some of the common character traits, or facades, we don.  [Read more…]

Are Affirmations Useless?

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Its 150 years since the publication of what is now regarded as the first self help book – Samuel Smiles “Self Help“.  Still on sale today – and apparently a big seller in countries such as Japan and China.  selfhelp1But when first published it sold 20,000 copies in its first year, and by the time of Smiles death in 1902 had sold over 1/4 million copies. In the 19th Century it was only out sold by the Bible!

In a recent radio program it was said Smiles book was published on the same day as “On Origin of Species” by Charles Darwin.  I cannot find any other proof of that fact. Either way,  it could be that Smiles message “Heaven helps those who help themselves” was reassuring to a society held together by Christian beliefs.

But the underlying message from Smiles was that success came through dedication and hard work.  He didn’t appear to believe in the concept of “genius”, all those he portrayed in his case studies got there by hard graft and application. Interestingly, this is a central theme of Malcolm Gladwell’s latest book, Outliers.

The End of Self Help?

oprah1I write this as some have been predicting the end of self help, [Read more…]

Build Self Esteem with Affirmations

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1989 3.2 litre Ferrari 328 GTS Targa at a car ...

An affirmation is a positive self talk statement. They are usually goal based – such as tangible things (to earn $xxxx a year, to drive a Ferrari) – where you can clearly say yes or no whether they have been achieved. But affirmations can also cover personal qualities – such as “I am a great communicator”.

An affirmation should be stated in the present tense – “I am a positive person”, “I earn $200,000 a year”,” I have great self confidence”. The logic behind affirmations is that giving yourself positive messages, the mind starts believing it to be so. This is exactly the same principle as how negative thinking undermines us – being told repeatedly “you’re useless”, we believe it to be true.

I use affirmations. I  believe they are a useful tool in the battle for healthy self esteem. My starting point is that positive affirmations are healing, positive scripts you give to yourself to counter your negative inner voice. They can help you free yourself from the over dependence you have on other people’s opinions, attitudes, or feelings about you and help you feel good about yourself.

Every one of us has some kind of internal dialog, or self talk, going on most of the day. We have two voices, one positive and one negative. The positive one is the one that is supportive of all your ideas, beliefs in what you do and always expects the good in other people. The negative one is the whiner who always tries to put you and the rest of the world down, has no belief in what is possible and makes you feel doubtful and frustrated. [Read more…]

Stop Seeking the Approval of Others

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stop seeking approvalDo you approve of yourself – or do you seek the approval of others? When we lack confidence and in particular have low self esteem, we find ourselves needing the approval of others to feel good about ourselves.

Unfortunately, in this day and age of being over worked and under valued, the approval of others may be slow to happen. Saying “well done” or “thank you” doesn’t seem to common language in modern society – and how often do you say such things to others?

Being self critical is an easy habit to get into, and forms the basis of our needing approval from others. The root of our self criticism is usually being at the receiving end of criticism from others as we grow up. I like the expression that “criticism is negative feedback badly delivered”. Constantly receiveing messages like “you’re too slow/stupid/bad/ugly/…” etc leads to us believing that this is a reality. [Read more…]

Do you believe in fairies?

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minstead1Let me tell you a bit about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes. He was born in Scotland in 1859 and he studied to be a doctor at Edinburgh University. Medicine took him to the Arctic Circle (on a whaling ship) and Africa before he established a practice on the English south coast.

His first Sherlock Holmes story, A Study in Scarlet, became widely read worldwide before he was 30. Throughout his life, Conan Doyle saw the “Holmes” stories as commercial and wished to be regarded as a serious author by his other work (plays, historic novels and poetry – Sherlock Holmes initially gained huge readership in a popular magazine).

A man of principle and courage, whatever his own reservations regarding his creation of Sherlock Holmes, his knighthood and other awards made him one of the most influential and respected men of his generation. But he was not without controversy. He held strong beliefs in the occult and in particular he expounded spiritualism, being able to communicate with the dead. [Read more…]