Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Build Self Confidence by Being Lucky?

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A post about the Law of Attraction and Luck? Are they prerequisites for self confidence? No, but they both centre on beliefs and how we see the world, which have a huge bearing on self confidence.

Law of Attraction – Total Twaddle?

Any follower of this blog would soon notice that one of my pet dislikes is the Law of Attraction.  Not so much for what it is, but the way it is promoted as if there really is a "Law".  In "Do you believe in fairies?" I used the story of Arthur Conan Doyle, and his unshakable belief in the existence of fairies, as a comparison.

The biggest argument I have, is with those who believe that by thinking something, you can externally influence events and "make things happen".  The most used example is being able to conjure up parking spaces by just imagining that empty space. [Read more…]

Dealing with Negative Thinking

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We all get negative automatic thoughts. Its how we deal with them that affects our feelings and mood, and what we perceive to be our self esteem. If we can look rationally at a situation and effectively challenge negative thoughts (or problem solve if they are the reality), then we are on track to have healthy self esteem.

DesiderataUnfortunately, if we leave negative automatic thoughts to take root, they become a constant negative self talk. We end up seeing every situation from a negative perspective.

Catch Them!

The first step, though, is to catch yourself doing it. You may spend time in the company of people who are very negative – not necessarily about themselves, but on everything they comment on. [Read more…]

Are we being pathetic?

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Its somewhat ironic when a newspaper writes at length about how we have become obsessed by risks, and fear is a “constant companion”. With the headline “Scared to death? The REAL worry is today’s culture of fear”

fear2I’m sure the Daily Mail wouldn’t dream of adding to, or capitalise from, any of the fears that plague us today?!

I like this quote from a Professor of Sociology, Frank Furedi, who they have wheeled out for the article:-

“These days we live in constant fear, it is always lurking in the background. We live in terror of disease, abuse, stranger danger, environmental devastation, terrorism, even the sun. We cannot even enjoy the most simple pleasure – the sun – without hearing these warnings about skin cancer.

Likewise eating and food has become a morally charged activity. The massive growth of fear-mongering campaigns and crusades during the past quarter- century is unprecedented. The result is that it diminishes our experience of being alive, it forces us to engage with the world as pathetic individuals who can’t cope with the problems of everyday life.“

Wow Frank, don’t hold back! [Read more…]

Are Affirmations Useless?

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Its 150 years since the publication of what is now regarded as the first self help book – Samuel Smiles “Self Help“.  Still on sale today – and apparently a big seller in countries such as Japan and China.  selfhelp1But when first published it sold 20,000 copies in its first year, and by the time of Smiles death in 1902 had sold over 1/4 million copies. In the 19th Century it was only out sold by the Bible!

In a recent radio program it was said Smiles book was published on the same day as “On Origin of Species” by Charles Darwin.  I cannot find any other proof of that fact. Either way,  it could be that Smiles message “Heaven helps those who help themselves” was reassuring to a society held together by Christian beliefs.

But the underlying message from Smiles was that success came through dedication and hard work.  He didn’t appear to believe in the concept of “genius”, all those he portrayed in his case studies got there by hard graft and application. Interestingly, this is a central theme of Malcolm Gladwell’s latest book, Outliers.

The End of Self Help?

oprah1I write this as some have been predicting the end of self help, [Read more…]

Self Confidence Built into Genes? I don’t agree

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andymThere has been some recently published research that suggests that there is now a genetic basis to self confidence.  Originally in “Psychological Science”,  but picked up worldwide, this research compared pairs of twins – half identical, half non-identical – usually the benchmark for sound academic research.

I’ve not seen the source article with the full methodology, only the reports, but the main researcher Professor Plomin is extensively quoted.  However, he made the mistake of getting carried away by the Andy Murray fever that was gripping Britain last week to use Wimbledon to illustrate his theory:-

‘Everyone has assumed self confidence is a matter of environment.

‘Our research shows that it is certainly genetically influenced and that self confidence predicts achievement at school. It is the same in sport and we see it at Wimbledon.

‘A lot of the players are very good but there is something that goes beyond mere ability and it is the confidence in that ability.

‘Andy Murray seems to have amazing self belief whereas we all remember Tim Henman would play a few poor points and it seemed he would crumble – that difference may well be genetic.’ [Read more…]