Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Irrational thinking

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self esteem

Today I want to go into more depth on positive thinking – and what it can and cannot do. It might be easier to start with what it cannot do. You can find many out there who believe their is a “law of attraction“. By thinking and believing (or manifesting an intention as I’ve heard it called) you will attract into your life whatever you desire.

This is a totally irrational belief, which defies science and logic. Many will cite anecdotal examples of how this has worked for them – how their thinking (and manifesting) gained them a promotion, or suddenly brought money into their life. [Read more…]

What do you believe?

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On my post improving self confidence I mentioned I had recently joined and started contribtuing to the “Personal Development for smart people” forum, part of Steve Palina‘s site. Steve has probably the most popular personal development website around – although ironically the most recent post when I found it was about living in Las Vegas! However, there is plenty of good, relevant stuff on his blog and some stimulating posts on the forum. But, returning to the forum, in my opinion there is also an awful lot of nonsense. [Read more…]

Are you a “yes” person?

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One problem with wanting to be liked is you agree to requests from others without looking at your needs. Over the years I have met many people who would automatically say “yes”, thinking that it would help them make friends and be liked.

Unfortunately, just saying “yes” means you get used and abused. Learning to say “no” is an important part of confident communication (or assertiveness). It is part of recognizing your rights and respecting your needs.

If saying no to someone makes them angry and stomp off – well what sort of friendship is that? They will go and find someone else to take advantage of. True friendship is based on recognizing each others needs, not just our own.

Are you popular?

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Happy anniversary Tony

 

Happy Anniversary Tony!

Do you worry about people not liking you? Do you try to be friends to everyone – and end up with lots of acquaintances but few real friends?

Today is the tenth anniversary of Tony Blair becoming British Prime Minister. Now, I have no hard facts to back this up, but I would say millions of people in this country don’t like Tony Blair. Many would even say they “hate” him.

I’m sure that in most countries throughout the world, the people most disliked are those in power. The same happens in business and other fields as well as politics – you don’t get very far by trying to be liked by everyone you meet.

Over the next few years Tony Blair will earn mega bucks giving lectures around the world – people will pay top dollar to hear him speak. I’m not going to discuss his merits as Prime Minister, but simply point out that he didn’t get to where he is today by being nice to everyone!

But does it worry you, undermine your confidence, if you know there might be people out there who don’t like you?

3 Vital Self Confidence Tricks

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I have found a great post titled 3 Vital Self Confidence Tricks. The author, Dean Hunt, focuses on building self confidence when suffering from anxiety – such as in a social situation. His third “trick” in particular I like as it’s something that’s easy to do, but easy to overlook. Speak to yourself as you would speak to a friend.

If we make a mistake our self talk can be quite damning, “you are such a stupid fool”. But would we be so hard on a friend? This technique transposes even better when lacking confidence in our ability to do something. If you were a friend of a person giving a presentation or speech what would you be saying to them? You wouldn’t be saying “you’re going to mess up”, “you’re going to forget what to say”, “you’ll lose your job after this”. So why say those things to yourself?! As Dean says – speak to yourself as you would to others.