Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Say no without apologising

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The other day I asked if you were a “yes” person, as sometimes saying no can prove very difficult. If you lack confidence, you avoid the straight no, and offer up excuses – creating more complex and apologetic replies when these are batted back at you..

However, a simple “no” can be interpreted as quite aggressive and uncompromising – which may be appropriate, especially with people you don’t know. But we don’t feel comfortable using straight “no” with family and friends, especially in the first instance.

The first aim is to say no without apologizing. You can still give a reason “No, I’ve got to do some work this afternoon” or simply say

“No, its not possible today” or “No I can’t”. The main habit to get out of is starting with an apology – “I’m sorry… ” or “I’m afraid…”

The other person may have a problem, may need something – but you don’t have to take it on board or feel its your responsibility to meet that need.

Come for a swim?

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The Swim

Two days ago I had my first swim of the year in the sea. Big deal? Well it is if you live in England as the water is very cold still! Even in the height of summer its quite cold. On Saturday I only managed 10 minutes before having to come out.

But inspired by this I have committed myself to doing a sponsored swim. I have done one before – in 1970!! Then, aged about 12 I swam 3/4 mile in a swimming pool. This time its 1.4 miles in the sea, between two piers.

I have also said I will try and raise £150 (US$300) in sponsorship, which isn’t a huge amount. However, I’m not that familiar with raising money and its not that long to the event.

Why am I blogging about this – how will it help you get great self confidence. Well, for me it solidifies the commitment, pushing me outside my comfort zone. I’ve created two goals I know I can reach – but with effort. I know achieving these goals will be great for my confidence. However good your confidence, its not a permanent state. We all need to top up from time to time.

So, hopefully this will inspire you to set yourself goals that stretch and push your comfort zone. And help you build great self confidence.

Could you stop complaining for 21 days?

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One of the joys of living this side of the Atlantic is I have never seen “Oprah”. However – trying to find my way around Mybloglog.com I came across a great site called UnconditionalConfidence.com, run by Nancy Tierney.

Nancy reviewed an episode of Oprah that feature a Pastor, Will Bowen, who initially challenged his congregation to stop complaining for 21 days. He produced purple bracelets to help this happen, which you switch to your other wrist if you find yourself complaining. The goal is to leave the bracelet on the one wrist for 21 days.

Nancy takes the challenge further by suggesting finding 5 things to appreciate if you find yourself grumpy and complaining. I’ve never been one for wearing wrist bands, but I’ve sent for one as it sounds a great way of changing your underlying attitude.

Are you a “yes” person?

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One problem with wanting to be liked is you agree to requests from others without looking at your needs. Over the years I have met many people who would automatically say “yes”, thinking that it would help them make friends and be liked.

Unfortunately, just saying “yes” means you get used and abused. Learning to say “no” is an important part of confident communication (or assertiveness). It is part of recognizing your rights and respecting your needs.

If saying no to someone makes them angry and stomp off – well what sort of friendship is that? They will go and find someone else to take advantage of. True friendship is based on recognizing each others needs, not just our own.

Are you popular?

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Happy anniversary Tony

 

Happy Anniversary Tony!

Do you worry about people not liking you? Do you try to be friends to everyone – and end up with lots of acquaintances but few real friends?

Today is the tenth anniversary of Tony Blair becoming British Prime Minister. Now, I have no hard facts to back this up, but I would say millions of people in this country don’t like Tony Blair. Many would even say they “hate” him.

I’m sure that in most countries throughout the world, the people most disliked are those in power. The same happens in business and other fields as well as politics – you don’t get very far by trying to be liked by everyone you meet.

Over the next few years Tony Blair will earn mega bucks giving lectures around the world – people will pay top dollar to hear him speak. I’m not going to discuss his merits as Prime Minister, but simply point out that he didn’t get to where he is today by being nice to everyone!

But does it worry you, undermine your confidence, if you know there might be people out there who don’t like you?