Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Archives for May 2007

Taking the plunge

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Reflecting on the blogs I have made to date it occurred to me that my own confidence in “blogging” and running a website has been transformed over the past couple of months. Like many, many others I had toyed with the idea of setting a site like this up for years. But until I actually started, made the commitment, I had no real idea how it would work out.

In my last blog “New situations can throw us” I was saying we need to practice an activity, building our confidence, until we know we have the skills to perform. But, like with this blog, sometimes you have got to take the plunge with limited experience to draw on.

I would like to add that in this age of the internet, there is so much information readily to hand. I purchased a book on WordPress – but have hardly opened it. There are excellent blogs like Internet Home Business that having given me free advice on how to build a blog. Whatever your field, it should be easier than ever to build your knowledge base and self confidence. But there always comes a time when you need to jump, and let your inner belief system can carry you forward.

New situations can throw us!

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flower.jpgOne simple issue that can throw us is coping with new situations. Last week my employers were making a DVD about changes happening, and needed “volunteers” to ask questions on camera for the Chief Executive to answer. Having “volunteered” I prepared a question and thought nothing of it.

When the time came to speak for about 10 seconds to the camera, it became more difficult. The cameraman, who was also directing, suggested a variation on my question, and found us a spot to film. Suddenly confronted by a camera lens, I became very tongue tied and spoke absolute rubbish!

There was no pressure, the cameraman/director was very helpful, but it took me several attempts to overcome my sudden fear created by talking into a camera lens – for 10 seconds!

You hear it is now customary for potential politicians to go through media training and get familiar with answering questions and appearing in front of camera. But any new situation requires practice. We cannot expect to perform in new situations perfectly, without practice.

Broken record

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Another useful technique is called “broken record”, where you basically keep repeating the same answer. If someone is persistent and keeps repeating requests, its tempting to keep finding new ways of saying no. This gradually dilutes your response and makes you bring in excuses and apologies.

So if at the request from a colleague is to work a shift for them, you reply:-

“No, I can’t work that day”

“But I really need someone to cover for me”

“No, I can’t work that day” (Broken record)

“I’ve asked everyone else, you’re the only one who can help”

“No, I can’t work that day” (Broken record)

“Why not, you usually can help me out?”

“No, I can’t work that day” (Broken record)

The final response can be different, having been asked a question e.g. “That’s my business, and I still can’t work that day” – but as you build confidence it can be easier to stick to the broken record.

Say no without apologising

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The other day I asked if you were a “yes” person, as sometimes saying no can prove very difficult. If you lack confidence, you avoid the straight no, and offer up excuses – creating more complex and apologetic replies when these are batted back at you..

However, a simple “no” can be interpreted as quite aggressive and uncompromising – which may be appropriate, especially with people you don’t know. But we don’t feel comfortable using straight “no” with family and friends, especially in the first instance.

The first aim is to say no without apologizing. You can still give a reason “No, I’ve got to do some work this afternoon” or simply say

“No, its not possible today” or “No I can’t”. The main habit to get out of is starting with an apology – “I’m sorry… ” or “I’m afraid…”

The other person may have a problem, may need something – but you don’t have to take it on board or feel its your responsibility to meet that need.

Come for a swim?

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The Swim

Two days ago I had my first swim of the year in the sea. Big deal? Well it is if you live in England as the water is very cold still! Even in the height of summer its quite cold. On Saturday I only managed 10 minutes before having to come out.

But inspired by this I have committed myself to doing a sponsored swim. I have done one before – in 1970!! Then, aged about 12 I swam 3/4 mile in a swimming pool. This time its 1.4 miles in the sea, between two piers.

I have also said I will try and raise £150 (US$300) in sponsorship, which isn’t a huge amount. However, I’m not that familiar with raising money and its not that long to the event.

Why am I blogging about this – how will it help you get great self confidence. Well, for me it solidifies the commitment, pushing me outside my comfort zone. I’ve created two goals I know I can reach – but with effort. I know achieving these goals will be great for my confidence. However good your confidence, its not a permanent state. We all need to top up from time to time.

So, hopefully this will inspire you to set yourself goals that stretch and push your comfort zone. And help you build great self confidence.