Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

20 Ways to Build Self Confidence?

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I often look at other sites, articles and blogs in the field of self improvement. Partially for my own interest – I’ve always enjoyed reading and finding new ways to move forward in this area. confident-briefsBut also to point others in the direction of good writing – whether through Twitter, my newsletter or on this blog.

Most people use search engines, particularly Google, to find out information on a particular topic. It’s quite reassuring (and good for the ego!) to still be on page one of Google for the term “self confidence”.

One site, or rather particular post,  that I’ve often come across  first appeared 21 months ago on Pick the Brain. Titled 10 ways to Build Self Confidence – by John Jorgensen – it currently sits at the top of Googles page one for “self confidence”. In other words Google considers it the most relevant page for anyone searching for self confidence.

Now, we can debate the accuracy of the Google algorithm – many do. Make your own mind up, but I don’t think the 10 suggestions are the best ways to gain self confidence:- [Read more…]

How to be assertive

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I have done bits and pieces on assertiveness in the past, this post brings everything together to give an overview of this important skill – otherwise known as confident communication.  How to be assertive means

“expressing my rights and acknowledging others’ rights. It doesn’t guarantee I’ll get what I want – but it does guarantee that I’ve expressed myself and, therefore, maintained my integrity. It’s saying what I want/feel, voicing my opinion/saying no, being able to negotiate the best solution for all.” (source unknown)

When we think of unassertive behaviour, we tend to automatically focus on passive or weak responses to the demands of others. But aggression is also non assertive, as is manipulative or sarcastic language and behaviour.

Passive Behaviour

I’m not OK…but you are Passive behaviour is acting in a way that does not meet our needs – saying “yes” to a request when we wish to say “no”, or staying silent when we have a request to make ourselves. We strive to please others, but neglect our own needs. Passive behaviour is driven by passive thinking – “I mustn’t rock the boat”, “I’m not important”, “nothing goes right for me”.

Whilst outwardly submissive, indecisive and helpless, inside there may well be inner conflict, tension and stress as the inability to meet our own needs fuels feelings of frustration and anger. Examples of passive behaviour include:- Avoiding eye contact, fidgeting Speech is rambling Apologizing all the time Putting yourself down Agreeing to things you don’t want to do or backing down Saying things like “it doesn’t matter” “sorry to bother you” [Read more…]

How to Say No

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When I stated this blog 18 months ago, some of my early posts were on saying no. However, my posts then were barely a paragraph long at times. Writing the past two posts on criticism, and being unable to properly link to this related skill, I thought it useful to update.

You have a right to say no

Ironically this post coincides with my daughter being asked (and agreeing) to do an extra  shift at the restaurant she works at. The examples below were based around a request to work someones shift when I originally wrote them.

Saying yes when you would rather say no causes YOU stress

Learning to say “no” is an important part of confident communication (or assertiveness).  It is part of recognizing your rights and respecting your needs. One problem with wanting to be liked is you agree to requests from others without looking at your needs.  Over the years I have met many people who would automatically say “yes”, thinking that it would help them make friends and be liked. But, just saying “yes” means you get used and abused. [Read more…]

How to expressing feelings

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My posts on confident communication, or assertiveness, have looked at how to say no, and types of behavior that are not assertive – such as passive, manipulative and aggressive. I also went over a “bill of rights“, that expands on the underlying mindset behind assertiveness.

One right is to be able to say what or how you feel, and what you want. Being unable to say how you feel can lead to frustration, and ultimately conflict. If you feel strongly about something, its important to acknowledge it, and make others aware of how you feel.

A useful way to express feelings is to use the following structure:- [Read more…]