by David on August 16, 2007
Some posts, such as the recent “Can you improve confidence with a smile” have touched on the importance of what we communicate with our body. I have read that 65% of the signals we send one another in conversation are visual rather than audible.
There are some common examples of poor body language that can convey a lack of confidence. Avoiding eye contact, looking downwards, having arms crossed, limp handshakes, excessive sweating… I’m sure you can think of others. [click to continue...]
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by David on August 9, 2007
Everytime I see this photograph it makes me smile, which is why I’ve included it today. Reading my free book “How to improve self confidence“, one quote I liked was
Have you ever tried to smile and think of a negative thought? Usually the result is that one of the feelings will win out.
Try it and see! Basically humans cannot hold attention on more than one thought at a time - if you sit in front of a TV reading a newspaper, your attention flicks between the two, it doesn’t attend to both at the same time.
Positive thinking is cental to developing self confidence, and we will return repeatedly to ways of driving out negative thoughts. But smiling is simple, free, and something we all can do. Is your natural expression a smile or a frown? Observe other people - which ones look confident and at ease with the world?
If you go around with a frown you may find your too serious to let others near you! So smile - even if there is no reason to smile.
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by David on July 18, 2007
Well, I’ve heard it all now. The other day I read an article in “The Times” called Ooh, naught but nice which was basically about being taught how to do a striptease! The writer explains one of the reasons for having the lesson is
“to boost my body confidence.”
As for her teacher, a professional stripper,
“Her mission is to make women feel better about themselves”
Fortunately men appear to be excluded as “students” - presumably stripping won’t help our body confidence or make us feel better about ourselves!
Surprisingly, stripping lessons are endorsed by Lynda Field, who has written many self help books - including some very good ones on self esteem - who agrees it will help women like their bodies more. But the article ends with, in my opinion, a voice of sanity:-
“If a woman needs to feel good about herself, a focus on inner qualities, emotional and spiritual, would give her a more solid and long-lasting foundation in self-respect than learning to seduce herself in front of a mirror.”
So says Ingrid Collins, a Consultant Psychologist. Personally I’ve got nothing against stripping, but I certainly wouldn’t recommend it as a way of gaining self confidence.
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On Friday night my sixteen year old twin daughters had their “prom”. This is a strange event that has crept into British culture in recent years - whilst well established in America and elsewhere. Having completed their first major exams, these “children” dress in all their finery and have a party to end all parties - arriving in stretch Limos and dressed in all their finery.
My daughters, like most, had spent many months planning what they would be wearing and cajoling us to acquire various items of jewelry (a tiara!) on eBay!! As you can see, the result was stunning and they enjoyed the evening. But it made me reflect on the whole issue of what we look wear. Their confidence that evening was the result of all their effort into their appearance.
“Look a million dollars and you’ll feel a million dollars”. Giving a bit of attention to what you put on each day can pay dividends in terms of self confidence. OK, you don’t have to a wear a long dress, make up or a Dinner Jacket. But there are many simple ways to give your appearance a boost and feel good.
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by David on April 2, 2007
Last week my wife and I went to a wedding. A relatively low key event - 50 guests, with bride and groom both second time around - it was interesting at how different people performed.
Personally it didn’t start well - my suit trousers had mysteriously “shrunk” since I last wore them over a year ago. I could get into them - but looking in the mirror all I could see was my huge “beer gut”!
Also my collar no longer did up at the neck, leaving my tie to hold the “gap” together. Suddenly my air of confidence slipped away, as I felt my now shabby appearance would mark me out from the rest of the smartly dressed men. The bride was a friend of my wife’s, and not knowing any guests, I started to inflate their stature (and diminish mine) in my thinking.
As it happened, not everyone was wearing a suit, and with a bit of wear my suit and tie seemed to settle into place. Apart from the “top table” no-one was dressed particularly flash. But it reminded me of a few basic lessons in building self confidence.
1) Whatever the occasion we need to take care with our appearance. I’m not advocating dieting or anything radical. But dressing “confidently” can be easily achieved with a bit of time and effort. The key is how we feel about ourselves, not the judgment of others. If you feel you look right, that is a big part of the mental game.
2) Confidence is about tolerating the unknown - not letting uncertainty blow us off course. We all encounter many situations on a daily basis that we cannot know exactly what will happen, who we will meet, how they will act. In our minds we can destroy our confidence before we go out the door - if we let it.
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