self-confidence

Stop Worry, Start Writing

January 16, 2011 by David

Stop Worry

Are you a worrier? Worry generates stress, dampens self confidence and makes you feel bad. Can you stop worry? What it doesn’t do is solve problems – in fact worry doesn’t do anything useful as far as I can see.

Worry comes under the umbrella of anxiety. And we expect it to be at its worst in pressure filled situations, where we are most desperate to perform our best. So for a presentation, exam or a race we can caught in a see-saw between confidence and worry as the consequences of performing badly are difficult to dismiss.

I have two daughters currently going through important University exams whose normal self confidence seems to be hiding away somewhere. They were both revising throughout the Christmas holidays, yet are now gripped by fears of doing badly. Telling them they may do worse by worrying won’t help either! [Read more…]

People are Awesome

October 30, 2010 by David

Peak Moments

Take 60 seconds and write down the peak moments in your life. Chris Guillebeau, on whose excellent blog that suggestion came defines a peak moment:-

… as a fixed point in time that has strong, positive memories. You summited the mountain! You achieved something monumental! Things will be different now.

Apart from the obvious landmarks, like getting married or having children, most peak moments are time when we stepped well out of our comfort zone. I wrote about one of my peak moments (although I didn’t label it as such at the time) when swimming beneath the Azure Window in Gozo a couple of years ago.

If you do the exercise, how many peak moments were accompanied at some point by strong feelings of anxiety or even fear? I can report from memory, 25 years on, that getting married generates much anxiety for the main participants!

Lets Scare Ourselves

As I write this we approach Halloween and there is the usual glut of horror films on TV. Personally I’ve never enjoyed the genre; likewise I’ve never enjoyed the adrenaline rush people get from riding roller coasters.

But just as our peak moments lead to extra adrenaline pumping around our body, as we prepare to fight or flight from danger, we do seek it as well by deliberately submitting ourselves to fear and terror. [Read more…]

How to Deal with Fear

October 15, 2010 by David

Life is a constant journey through variables we cannot control, however well prepared.

Learning to tolerate uncertainty is the key factor in building great self confidence. Unfortunately fear of “what might happen next” – the feeling of uncertainty – can be very unpleasant.

Tony Blair, Driven by Fear

“On 2 May 1997, I walked into Downing Street as prime minister for the first time. I had never held office… my predominant feeling was fear.”

Tony Blair, Prime Minister in the U.K. for 10 years until 2007, published his memoirs (“A Journey”) earlier this year. I haven’t read them, probably never will, but found it impossible to avoid the discussion they provoked. What has startled many has been his candid admission that the principal driver behind many of his decisions was fear. In a excellent review psychologist Geoffrey Beattie sums up:-

“Blair became a master at masking his true emotional state, hiding his terror with that masking smile.”

Yes, that “masking smile” – but hiding terror! What is most amazing is that Blair was always perceived as very relaxed and a great communicator. Yet, as he states, he “never relaxed for a moment.” Even when he “kept a strong grip on himself” during the day

“I would wake in the morning with the hair on the back of my head damp with sweat. What I could control when awake was overpowering in sleep.” [Read more…]

Learn to Network

June 19, 2010 by David

I have recently joined a new service called “Shy Networking“. As a lifelong introvert, although I would no longer describe myself as shy, networking networking with confidence has never come easy. Likewise for one of the team behind Shy Networking, professional blogger Chris Garrett.

My main reason for joining was to learn how to network online, which basically I’m very poor at. Whilst I have learnt (the hard way) to network reasonably effectively face to face, I’ve not been able to carry that forward on the internet.

This is somewhat ironic, as theoretically it should be easier for a shy or introverted person to network where there is no face to face contact. However, I’ve started to realise that some of the principles behind networking go deeper than just being able to cope with meeting strangers. Just because I can “do” face to face networking doesn’t mean I’ve been good at it?!

Brian Tracy

I recently saw a Brian Tracy video on the 10 essentials for success. One of these was contacts – the number of people who know you in a positive way. He stressed never take rejection as a sign of lack of interest or take it personally – people are busy.

“Some will, some won’t, so what… next.“

The more people you know, the more likelihood of the right person being there at right time. His key method to build contacts was to always look for ways to help. However, that’s easier said than done.

Time will tell if I can improve and build my network via Shy Networking and it proves worth the money. But it has got me reflecting about networking,

here are my suggestions on what can help:- [Read more…]

Time for Change

April 25, 2010 by David

“If you don’t change your direction, you’re likely to end up where you’re heading.” Chinese proverb.

Vote for Change?

In the UK we are in the throws of an election campaign. The main opposition party, and favourites to win, have as their slogan “Time for Change“. Its not unusual for politicians to promise change, and promote themselves as the agent of change.

confident change What surprises me is why its considered a winning slogan – when generally speaking we all seem to hate change. In our day to day lives we stick to ingrained habits – whether its what we eat, what we do, or how we think.

Desperately Seeking Something?

I recently saw an episode of one of my favourite television shows, “Desperate Housewives”. Like many locations in TV land they have more than their fair share of disasters and trauma; this episode was the post air-plane crash where several characters were in life or death (or life changing) situations.

The whole show was made up of flash backs and “flash forwards” – what would their life be like if…. [Read more…]