Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

New situations can throw us!

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flower.jpgOne simple issue that can throw us is coping with new situations. Last week my employers were making a DVD about changes happening, and needed “volunteers” to ask questions on camera for the Chief Executive to answer. Having “volunteered” I prepared a question and thought nothing of it.

When the time came to speak for about 10 seconds to the camera, it became more difficult. The cameraman, who was also directing, suggested a variation on my question, and found us a spot to film. Suddenly confronted by a camera lens, I became very tongue tied and spoke absolute rubbish!

There was no pressure, the cameraman/director was very helpful, but it took me several attempts to overcome my sudden fear created by talking into a camera lens – for 10 seconds!

You hear it is now customary for potential politicians to go through media training and get familiar with answering questions and appearing in front of camera. But any new situation requires practice. We cannot expect to perform in new situations perfectly, without practice.

Broken record

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Another useful technique is called “broken record”, where you basically keep repeating the same answer. If someone is persistent and keeps repeating requests, its tempting to keep finding new ways of saying no. This gradually dilutes your response and makes you bring in excuses and apologies.

So if at the request from a colleague is to work a shift for them, you reply:-

“No, I can’t work that day”

“But I really need someone to cover for me”

“No, I can’t work that day” (Broken record)

“I’ve asked everyone else, you’re the only one who can help”

“No, I can’t work that day” (Broken record)

“Why not, you usually can help me out?”

“No, I can’t work that day” (Broken record)

The final response can be different, having been asked a question e.g. “That’s my business, and I still can’t work that day” – but as you build confidence it can be easier to stick to the broken record.

Say no without apologising

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The other day I asked if you were a “yes” person, as sometimes saying no can prove very difficult. If you lack confidence, you avoid the straight no, and offer up excuses – creating more complex and apologetic replies when these are batted back at you..

However, a simple “no” can be interpreted as quite aggressive and uncompromising – which may be appropriate, especially with people you don’t know. But we don’t feel comfortable using straight “no” with family and friends, especially in the first instance.

The first aim is to say no without apologizing. You can still give a reason “No, I’ve got to do some work this afternoon” or simply say

“No, its not possible today” or “No I can’t”. The main habit to get out of is starting with an apology – “I’m sorry… ” or “I’m afraid…”

The other person may have a problem, may need something – but you don’t have to take it on board or feel its your responsibility to meet that need.

Come for a swim?

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The Swim

Two days ago I had my first swim of the year in the sea. Big deal? Well it is if you live in England as the water is very cold still! Even in the height of summer its quite cold. On Saturday I only managed 10 minutes before having to come out.

But inspired by this I have committed myself to doing a sponsored swim. I have done one before – in 1970!! Then, aged about 12 I swam 3/4 mile in a swimming pool. This time its 1.4 miles in the sea, between two piers.

I have also said I will try and raise £150 (US$300) in sponsorship, which isn’t a huge amount. However, I’m not that familiar with raising money and its not that long to the event.

Why am I blogging about this – how will it help you get great self confidence. Well, for me it solidifies the commitment, pushing me outside my comfort zone. I’ve created two goals I know I can reach – but with effort. I know achieving these goals will be great for my confidence. However good your confidence, its not a permanent state. We all need to top up from time to time.

So, hopefully this will inspire you to set yourself goals that stretch and push your comfort zone. And help you build great self confidence.

Could you stop complaining for 21 days?

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One of the joys of living this side of the Atlantic is I have never seen “Oprah”. However – trying to find my way around Mybloglog.com I came across a great site called UnconditionalConfidence.com, run by Nancy Tierney.

Nancy reviewed an episode of Oprah that feature a Pastor, Will Bowen, who initially challenged his congregation to stop complaining for 21 days. He produced purple bracelets to help this happen, which you switch to your other wrist if you find yourself complaining. The goal is to leave the bracelet on the one wrist for 21 days.

Nancy takes the challenge further by suggesting finding 5 things to appreciate if you find yourself grumpy and complaining. I’ve never been one for wearing wrist bands, but I’ve sent for one as it sounds a great way of changing your underlying attitude.