Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Celebrate the Human Body

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Sometimes you start to think that having confidence in yourself is easier than having confidence in the world around you.  I live in a part of the UK that has relatively mild weather, but in the past two weeks my journey to work has been disrupted by snow, ice, flooding and thick fog.  Much has been made of school closures and millions being unable (or unwilling)  to get to work.  The article I was reading at the weekend suggests things are only going to get worse in years to come…

I’ve also had a frustrating two weeks with machinery, my main computer developing a fault that reappeared after being repaired and eventually needed being reset to factory settings – which now means finding discs to reinstall software. Meanwhile my old spare machine gave up the ghost just after the last post, confidence is crucial.

My car has also developed an intermittent fault – it occasionally refuses to start – that my mechanic friend couldn’t diagnose.  Yesterday it stalled and wouldn’t restart for about 15 minutes – on a dual carriageway.  Consequently I now expect it to be unreliable – my confidence in it getting me from A to B when I want to has vanished.

All these examples aren’t here to elicit sympathy [Read more…]

Build Self Esteem with Affirmations

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1989 3.2 litre Ferrari 328 GTS Targa at a car ...

An affirmation is a positive self talk statement. They are usually goal based – such as tangible things (to earn $xxxx a year, to drive a Ferrari) – where you can clearly say yes or no whether they have been achieved. But affirmations can also cover personal qualities – such as “I am a great communicator”.

An affirmation should be stated in the present tense – “I am a positive person”, “I earn $200,000 a year”,” I have great self confidence”. The logic behind affirmations is that giving yourself positive messages, the mind starts believing it to be so. This is exactly the same principle as how negative thinking undermines us – being told repeatedly “you’re useless”, we believe it to be true.

I use affirmations. I  believe they are a useful tool in the battle for healthy self esteem. My starting point is that positive affirmations are healing, positive scripts you give to yourself to counter your negative inner voice. They can help you free yourself from the over dependence you have on other people’s opinions, attitudes, or feelings about you and help you feel good about yourself.

Every one of us has some kind of internal dialog, or self talk, going on most of the day. We have two voices, one positive and one negative. The positive one is the one that is supportive of all your ideas, beliefs in what you do and always expects the good in other people. The negative one is the whiner who always tries to put you and the rest of the world down, has no belief in what is possible and makes you feel doubtful and frustrated. [Read more…]

Unhelpful Thinking – part 3

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Self esteem and self confidence can be undermined by our thinking habits. In this final part looking at some of these unhelpful habits, there are just two remaining. What we have covered to date are:-

unhelpful thinking

Shoulds

Musts

All or Nothing

Over Generalization

Jumping to Conclusions

Mental Filter

Catastrophising

Labeling

Which leaves us with:-

Self Blaming

This is the tendency to blame ourselves when things go wrong, to always assume “its our fault”. Even when an event isn’t within your control, you take responsibility for the outcome. This personalization can often take place within relationships – if a person is angry or upset you assume its your fault, its because you said something to upset them. [Read more…]

Stop Seeking the Approval of Others

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stop seeking approvalDo you approve of yourself – or do you seek the approval of others? When we lack confidence and in particular have low self esteem, we find ourselves needing the approval of others to feel good about ourselves.

Unfortunately, in this day and age of being over worked and under valued, the approval of others may be slow to happen. Saying “well done” or “thank you” doesn’t seem to common language in modern society – and how often do you say such things to others?

Being self critical is an easy habit to get into, and forms the basis of our needing approval from others. The root of our self criticism is usually being at the receiving end of criticism from others as we grow up. I like the expression that “criticism is negative feedback badly delivered”. Constantly receiveing messages like “you’re too slow/stupid/bad/ugly/…” etc leads to us believing that this is a reality. [Read more…]

Dealing with Perfectionism

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dealing with perfectionismPerfectionism came up as a comment on my last post, being good. It sounds fine – searching for the highest standards, being displeased with anything less than perfect. But it can lead to distress and self condemnation when you do anything thats less than perfect.

I’ve come across this interesting test that gives you a rating (%) of how much of a perfectionist you are. But most of us know whether or not we are perfectionists, and whether or not it you feel its an asset or hindrance.

There are differing theories as to where perfectionism comes from, some suggesting that there is a genetic component as it tends to run in families. But equally the behavior of parents towards children has a huge effect. If parents are strict, disciplinarians then children learn to fear making mistakes.

If a child only receives love or attention when successful – such as getting top marks in class, they will strive towards perfectionism in adulthood. To be loved, they have to be perfect. [Read more…]