Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Passive behavior

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Following on from my series on saying no, I last gave a definition of assertiveness, and mentioned the three other behavioral types – passive, aggressive and manipulative. When we think of unassertive behavior, we tend to focus on passive.

Passive behavior is acting in a way that does not meet our needs – saying “yes” to a request when we wish to say “no”, or staying silent when we have a request to make ourselves. We strive to please others, but neglect our own needs.

Passive behavior is driven by passive thinking – “I mustn’t rock the boat”, “I’m not important”, “nothing goes right for me”. Whilst outwardly submissive, indecisive and helpless, inside there may well be inner conflict, tension and stress as the inability to meet our own needs fuels feelings of frustration and anger.

I will focus on the other types of “non assertive” behavior over the next few weeks, as well as ways of making changes.

Practice makes Permanent

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There is an old joke about someone wandering lost in New York City, carrying a violin case. He approaches a stranger and asks “Excuse me, but how do I get to Carnegie Hall?”

The reply:- “Practice! Practice! Practice!”

They don’t write them like that anymore! But as I have touched on in previous confidence building blogs, practice is a key factor in building confidence.

As part of my training for my big swim, I’ve been reading a really good book “Total Immersion” by Terry Laughlin. I won’t go into the merits of training by reading a book now, but Terry comes up with a great quote:-

Practice merely makes permanent what you happen to be practicing. Good or bad.

Whilst his concern is people getting into bad habits by practicing poor swimming techniques, this holds true for everything. So, if you are practicing some of the confidence exercises that have been discussed, do ensure you get them right!

Self Confidence quotes

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I am currently away on vacation, but through the wonders on WordPress I am hoping blogs will continue to appear on Wednesdays and Sundays. These are the days I’ve decided to try to ensure I stick to maintaining this blog. Its sods law that i will start getting comments posted whilst I’m away, but not be able to respond to it – but don’t let that stop you!

Here are a few quotes I like, the top two reflect on things I’ve blogged about, the two on friendship introduce a new concept I will return to…..

“The way to develop self confidence is to do the thing
you fear and get a record of successful experiences
behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a
matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for,
it is a thing to be achieved.”

William Jennings Bryan

“Success depends on getting good at saying no without
feeling guilty. You cannot get ahead with your own goals
if you are always saying yes to someone else’s projects.”

Jack Canfield

“The only way to have a friend
is to be one.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very
scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”

Zig Ziglar

“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.”

Samuel Johnson

Confidence – appearance

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Nicola & Sarah off to the PromOn Friday night my sixteen year old twin daughters had their “prom”. This is a strange event that has crept into British culture in recent years – whilst well established in America and elsewhere. Having completed their first major exams, these “children” dress in all their finery and have a party to end all parties – arriving in stretch Limos and dressed in all their finery.

My daughters, like most, had spent many months planning what they would be wearing and cajoling us to acquire various items of jewelry (a tiara!) on eBay!! As you can see, the result was stunning and they enjoyed the evening. But it made me reflect on the whole issue of what we look wear. Their confidence that evening was the result of all their effort into their appearance.

“Look a million dollars and you’ll feel a million dollars”. Giving a bit of attention to what you put on each day can pay dividends in terms of self confidence. OK, you don’t have to a wear a long dress, make up or a Dinner Jacket. But there are many simple ways to give your appearance a boost and feel good.

Great self confidence – travel

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In April I was writing about my daughter having the self confidence to work in a children’s home in India for 3 months. Now I have just been listening to a colleague, Sophie, who has just given up a good job to do some voluntary work as an Occupational Therapist in the Himalayas, a remote, mountainous region of Northern India.

I say “listening” as she has just been speaking on local radio about her plans. and is going to be regularly phoning the local station to update them on her progress. This itself takes confidence, as I found out when confronted by a camera last month (fortunately my “take” didn’t make the final DVD!).

I know whilst outwardly Sophie presents as very confident, she has had doubts and fears about what she is undertaking. But only the foolhardy never have doubts or fears. Great things are achieved because such thoughts are looked at rationally, risks balanced, plans and commitments are made. Sophie – you have my best wishes, look after yourself.