Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Do your Beliefs help your Brand?

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If you meet someone for the first time, one of the first questions you exchange is “What do you do?”. Our reply tends to focus on what we do for work, our occupation. We label, or “brand” ourselves as “a student”, “a nurse” or (dare I say it) “a plumber”.

There was a very interesting  post recently on one of my favorite blogs  The Positivity Blog. In describing 10 steps to be the brand you want in life, Mike King says:-

“Work is really just a portion of our lives since working for 40 hours a week and 50 weeks a year for up to 40 years (about 80,000 hours) is actually only about 11.4% of our entire lives (700,000 hours) if you expect to live to an age of 80 years old.

Even if you took 1/3 of your life away to account for sleeping, you still only work about 17% of your waking hours in a lifetime. Think about that for a minute. Is work really that important in the whole scheme of things if it is such a small portion of our lives from birth to death?  I’d say not.”

After going through the 10 steps he feels we need to take to review and build the “brand” you want to be, Mike closes the post with another interesting statement:- [Read more…]

Myth of the Addictive Personality

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Eric Clapton - Addictive personality or just low self esteem?

The actor Colin Farrell says

“I definitely have an addictive personality”

– he succumbed not just to alcohol and drugs but to breakfast cereal Rice Krispies! He has been treated for his addictions at the Crossroads Center, a rehab clinic set up by rock guitarist Eric Clapton in Antigua.

Coincidentally, Clapton, is another celebrity who has admitted to an “addictive personality”.  He went through addictions to heroin, cocaine and alcohol. He was successfully treated for his drug addiction, but then fell into problems with alcohol.

Whilst the term “addictive personality” may be helpful to explain away an addiction, it doesn’t have any real meaning or basis in science. There is some evidence that there is a genetic predisposition to develop addictions and some personality disorders can make someone more prone to compulsive behavior.

The other problem with “addictive personality” is it suggests that someone has no control, no way of stopping the problem. It can put responsibility out of their hands. It was interesting to listen to British comedian Jim Davidson blame everyone but himself for what had gone wrong in his life – an addict to woman as well as alcohol.  As well as blaming his “addictive personality”, he blamed the press for the end of his fourth marriage following the publicizing of an affair:-

“The media did it. I wouldn’t have told her.”

Eric Clapton has referred to his very confused, tumultuous childhood – discovering his mother was actually his sister among other things. [Read more…]

Self esteem: Linked to depression?

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In unhelpful thinking last week I touched on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and the link between our thinking, self esteem and depression.  In a comment a few weeks ago Sherri had asked me if there is a link between self esteem and depression, and i think its a good time to try and answer that.
depression

What is depression?

In everyday language its not uncommon for someone to say they’re feeling depressed, as in “bit out of sorts”, “fed up”. Unfortunately it does lead to the view that anyone with depression should just “snap out of it”. Sadly, they can’t.  What distinguishes depression from having an off day is the fact that it is a prolonged lowering of mood. The other main component is that it interferes, to varying degrees, with a persons ability to function – you cannot do your normal day to day activities. [Read more…]

Unhelpful Thinking – part 3

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Self esteem and self confidence can be undermined by our thinking habits. In this final part looking at some of these unhelpful habits, there are just two remaining. What we have covered to date are:-

unhelpful thinking

Shoulds

Musts

All or Nothing

Over Generalization

Jumping to Conclusions

Mental Filter

Catastrophising

Labeling

Which leaves us with:-

Self Blaming

This is the tendency to blame ourselves when things go wrong, to always assume “its our fault”. Even when an event isn’t within your control, you take responsibility for the outcome. This personalization can often take place within relationships – if a person is angry or upset you assume its your fault, its because you said something to upset them. [Read more…]

Can you take criticism?

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You may have noticed the new theme! Still quite basic as I haven’t started tweaking the customization facility. It will keep me busy next week. I will also add, my eldest daughter is 21 tomorrow. I’m both very proud, and feel very old!!!!!!!!!!

Not everyone agreed with last weeks criticism sandwich, some feeling giving praise at the same time weakens the message. Like everything I write on this blog, it is up to you to find what suits. There are no rules carved into stone saying how you “must” behave.

Like giving criticism, receiving criticism can be difficult if you have low self esteem. Looking back at assertiveness, our responses to criticism can follow the same behavioral patterns:-

Passive – we believe everything the person is saying

Indirect aggression – agree at the time or say nothing, but then go off and sulk or be critical to others about the person who criticized you.

Direct aggression – angrily deny and challenge everything that is said to you.

Criticism may be unfair – and when it is we need to counter it by putting our own case succinctly and calmly. [Read more…]