Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Motivational pictures and Chinese bottles

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self confidence ladderDoes your house or office have any of those commercial motivational/inspirational posters on the walls? Slick, vivid color “perfect” images with a nice quote or bland saying to match. For example a photo of “businessman’s hands” with the following:-

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Part of me likes the concept, its just that the products to me seem too slick – I cannot imagine these inspiring or motivating me. The fact that there is now good business selling “demotivational” products says that others prefer humor and honesty! For instance, a photo of the pyramids with:-

“You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.”

What brought this to mind was story in the news about a shop in Beijing selling “spirit bottles” – empty bottles with meaningful (rather than inspirational) sentiments written on them. [Read more…]

Overcome a Fear of Failure

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One of the delights of living in the UK is I have never watched Oprah. So I was surprised when one of my favourite blogs, had “Oprah’s Top 7 Tips for Creating the Life You Want“. The writer, Henrik, is Swedish so who knows how far her influence has spread!

Oprah had an interesting take on failure – she redefined it:-

I do not believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.

Looking at some of my recent posts, a fear of failing can be another interpretation of the problems. With perfectionism for example, a person sets their required standard high – and anything less than 100% achievement of that target is a failure. There are no shades of gray.

If we lack confidence in our ability to do something, our thinking can revolve around whether we will fail or succeed. Failure enters the equation, rather than say “mistake”, when the stakes are higher. Usually with the fear of failing we can imagine unpleasant consequence, rather than just inconvenience. [Read more…]

Stop Seeking the Approval of Others

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stop seeking approvalDo you approve of yourself – or do you seek the approval of others? When we lack confidence and in particular have low self esteem, we find ourselves needing the approval of others to feel good about ourselves.

Unfortunately, in this day and age of being over worked and under valued, the approval of others may be slow to happen. Saying “well done” or “thank you” doesn’t seem to common language in modern society – and how often do you say such things to others?

Being self critical is an easy habit to get into, and forms the basis of our needing approval from others. The root of our self criticism is usually being at the receiving end of criticism from others as we grow up. I like the expression that “criticism is negative feedback badly delivered”. Constantly receiveing messages like “you’re too slow/stupid/bad/ugly/…” etc leads to us believing that this is a reality. [Read more…]

Dealing with Perfectionism

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dealing with perfectionismPerfectionism came up as a comment on my last post, being good. It sounds fine – searching for the highest standards, being displeased with anything less than perfect. But it can lead to distress and self condemnation when you do anything thats less than perfect.

I’ve come across this interesting test that gives you a rating (%) of how much of a perfectionist you are. But most of us know whether or not we are perfectionists, and whether or not it you feel its an asset or hindrance.

There are differing theories as to where perfectionism comes from, some suggesting that there is a genetic component as it tends to run in families. But equally the behavior of parents towards children has a huge effect. If parents are strict, disciplinarians then children learn to fear making mistakes.

If a child only receives love or attention when successful – such as getting top marks in class, they will strive towards perfectionism in adulthood. To be loved, they have to be perfect. [Read more…]

Being good at what you do

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Samuel SmilesImage via Wikipedia

It may be of comparatively little consequence how a man is governed from without, whilst everything depends upon how he governs himself from within. The greatest slave is not he who is ruled by a despot, great though that evil be, but he who is the thrall of his own moral ignorance, selfishness, and vice.

Samuel Smiles Self-help 1859

I recently came across what must be one of the first ever self improvement books. Self-help by Samuel Smiles was first published in England in 1859, but was widely translated and sold in thousands worldwide.The book largely chronicles the lives of remarkable people, making much of how ordinary they were at birth. They achieved great things through perseverance and dedication, toiling away through hardship and unremitting hard work. [Read more…]