Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Michael Jackson, the Curse of Talent?

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michael-jackson"Being confident is not always the same as being good at something"? That interesting statement appeared recently on another blog, My Life with Angels, which in turn was responding to a post by Maggie Stiefvater. On several occasions I have touched on the issue of whether being good at something is a key way to develop self confidence or healthy self esteem.  My favourite, How to Build Self Confidence Through Activity, looks at examples of children being taught karate, ballet and magic tricks.  I expressed doubt at the choices of ballet or karate,  as many fall by the wayside.  Unless you reach a certain level of competence neither activity will develop self confidence. Whilst success at an activity can help with self confidence, the argument from the other bloggers was you don’t have to first attain success or accomplishment to feel self confident. 

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Give yourself an Oscar

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reese1It’s the season for award ceremonies – particularly in the world of entertainment.  We’ve just had the Grammies and Bafta, not to mention SAG, Golden Globes, Emmys… the list is endless.   Tonight things reach a climax with the 81st Academy Awards, the Oscars.

Other industries do have awards, although there isn’t such a song and dance made about them. Good companies also have staff recognition schemes, where individuals or groups/teams have awards for “going the extra mile”. This normally would imply some achievement or additional effort that takes them beyond their basic job description.  Or benefits the organisation in some way in the eyes of its customers. [Read more…]

How to be assertive

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I have done bits and pieces on assertiveness in the past, this post brings everything together to give an overview of this important skill – otherwise known as confident communication.  How to be assertive means

“expressing my rights and acknowledging others’ rights. It doesn’t guarantee I’ll get what I want – but it does guarantee that I’ve expressed myself and, therefore, maintained my integrity. It’s saying what I want/feel, voicing my opinion/saying no, being able to negotiate the best solution for all.” (source unknown)

When we think of unassertive behaviour, we tend to automatically focus on passive or weak responses to the demands of others. But aggression is also non assertive, as is manipulative or sarcastic language and behaviour.

Passive Behaviour

I’m not OK…but you are Passive behaviour is acting in a way that does not meet our needs – saying “yes” to a request when we wish to say “no”, or staying silent when we have a request to make ourselves. We strive to please others, but neglect our own needs. Passive behaviour is driven by passive thinking – “I mustn’t rock the boat”, “I’m not important”, “nothing goes right for me”.

Whilst outwardly submissive, indecisive and helpless, inside there may well be inner conflict, tension and stress as the inability to meet our own needs fuels feelings of frustration and anger. Examples of passive behaviour include:- Avoiding eye contact, fidgeting Speech is rambling Apologizing all the time Putting yourself down Agreeing to things you don’t want to do or backing down Saying things like “it doesn’t matter” “sorry to bother you” [Read more…]

How to Say No

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When I stated this blog 18 months ago, some of my early posts were on saying no. However, my posts then were barely a paragraph long at times. Writing the past two posts on criticism, and being unable to properly link to this related skill, I thought it useful to update.

You have a right to say no

Ironically this post coincides with my daughter being asked (and agreeing) to do an extra  shift at the restaurant she works at. The examples below were based around a request to work someones shift when I originally wrote them.

Saying yes when you would rather say no causes YOU stress

Learning to say “no” is an important part of confident communication (or assertiveness).  It is part of recognizing your rights and respecting your needs. One problem with wanting to be liked is you agree to requests from others without looking at your needs.  Over the years I have met many people who would automatically say “yes”, thinking that it would help them make friends and be liked. But, just saying “yes” means you get used and abused. [Read more…]