Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

The Big Swim

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Back from a lovely vacation, back to work, and today – the Big Swim. I had mentioned in a couple of previous posts that I had set myself a challenge of competing the 1.4 mile swim between two piers in Bournemouth, on the South Coast of England. Linked to that was raising £150 ($300) in sponsorship.

The sponsorship stands at about £120 and I am confident that I will pass £150. Whilst on vacation in Croatia I had been able to do quite a bit of swimming and felt confident that I would complete the swim.

The weather in the UK has been awful recently with areas flooded by torrential rains. Fortunately the South coast hasn’t been too badly hit, but the sea today was quite choppy – and very cold by comparison to the Mediterranean Sea off Croatia.

Well, despite getting cramp in my leg at one point, I competed the swim in 1 hour 36 minutes. Of about 1000 starters I was the last to finish! But it wasn’t a race; I feel really pleased to have stretched myself and done something very much outside my comfort zone. And yes, it has boosted my self confidence as well.

Great self confidence – by stripping?

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Well, I’ve heard it all now. The other day I read an article in “The Times” called Ooh, naught but nice which was basically about being taught how to do a striptease! The writer explains one of the reasons for having the lesson is

“to boost my body confidence.”

As for her teacher, a professional stripper,

“Her mission is to make women feel better about themselves”

Fortunately men appear to be excluded as “students” – presumably stripping won’t help our body confidence or make us feel better about ourselves!

Surprisingly, stripping lessons are endorsed by Lynda Field, who has written many self help books – including some very good ones on self esteem – who agrees it will help women like their bodies more. But the article ends with, in my opinion, a voice of sanity:-

“If a woman needs to feel good about herself, a focus on inner qualities, emotional and spiritual, would give her a more solid and long-lasting foundation in self-respect than learning to seduce herself in front of a mirror.”

So says Ingrid Collins, a Consultant Psychologist. Personally I’ve got nothing against stripping, but I certainly wouldn’t recommend it as a way of gaining self confidence.

Passive behavior

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Following on from my series on saying no, I last gave a definition of assertiveness, and mentioned the three other behavioral types – passive, aggressive and manipulative. When we think of unassertive behavior, we tend to focus on passive.

Passive behavior is acting in a way that does not meet our needs – saying “yes” to a request when we wish to say “no”, or staying silent when we have a request to make ourselves. We strive to please others, but neglect our own needs.

Passive behavior is driven by passive thinking – “I mustn’t rock the boat”, “I’m not important”, “nothing goes right for me”. Whilst outwardly submissive, indecisive and helpless, inside there may well be inner conflict, tension and stress as the inability to meet our own needs fuels feelings of frustration and anger.

I will focus on the other types of “non assertive” behavior over the next few weeks, as well as ways of making changes.

Practice makes Permanent

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There is an old joke about someone wandering lost in New York City, carrying a violin case. He approaches a stranger and asks “Excuse me, but how do I get to Carnegie Hall?”

The reply:- “Practice! Practice! Practice!”

They don’t write them like that anymore! But as I have touched on in previous confidence building blogs, practice is a key factor in building confidence.

As part of my training for my big swim, I’ve been reading a really good book “Total Immersion” by Terry Laughlin. I won’t go into the merits of training by reading a book now, but Terry comes up with a great quote:-

Practice merely makes permanent what you happen to be practicing. Good or bad.

Whilst his concern is people getting into bad habits by practicing poor swimming techniques, this holds true for everything. So, if you are practicing some of the confidence exercises that have been discussed, do ensure you get them right!

Self Confidence quotes

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I am currently away on vacation, but through the wonders on WordPress I am hoping blogs will continue to appear on Wednesdays and Sundays. These are the days I’ve decided to try to ensure I stick to maintaining this blog. Its sods law that i will start getting comments posted whilst I’m away, but not be able to respond to it – but don’t let that stop you!

Here are a few quotes I like, the top two reflect on things I’ve blogged about, the two on friendship introduce a new concept I will return to…..

“The way to develop self confidence is to do the thing
you fear and get a record of successful experiences
behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a
matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for,
it is a thing to be achieved.”

William Jennings Bryan

“Success depends on getting good at saying no without
feeling guilty. You cannot get ahead with your own goals
if you are always saying yes to someone else’s projects.”

Jack Canfield

“The only way to have a friend
is to be one.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very
scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”

Zig Ziglar

“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.”

Samuel Johnson