Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Start Making Friends

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One thing I have never particularly enjoyed is making “small talk” with strangers. Everywhere we go we are surrounded by new people (a nicer term than strangers) – just try walking down a shopping street. Most of the time we make little effort to interact with them. “Small talk” situations arise socially or at work when we are thrown into a confined space with these new people, and feel we have to interact to be polite.

Yesterday I had to go one stage beyond making small talk. As part of my photography course we went to a local market to do a social documentary project. It was suggested we politely ask stall holders if they minded having their photograph taken before shoving a camera in their face!

It was an interesting morning. Before setting off, most of us expressed misgivings about approaching total strangers and asking if we could take their photograph. We joked about being arrested or punched for our trouble – trying to hide the fact that we weren’t particularly confident. Even our tutor, Simon Lawrence – an experienced photo journalist – reflected on how such situations can create tension.

The worst thing that could happen did – [Read more…]

How to Give a Presentation

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presentationThis last week I have been very busy, mainly because I was involved in two days of teaching where I had to present to nursing colleagues. Also on Good Friday I was involved in my local churches “Good Friday Workshop”, helping children to make hot cross buns!

Presenting, any form of standing in front of a group of people and talking, is something I used to hate. Performing in front of others – yuk. As a child my introvert personality and low self esteem meant I was always petrified at the thought of having to stand in front of the class and say anything.

I’m no expert on the works of Shakespeare – but I will forever know the 15th March as the “Ides of March”. At school (aged around 10) our class did a performance of Julius Caesar in which I was given (I would have preferred to have done nothing) the role of “Soothsayer” with one line “Beware the Ides of March”. Despite the fact that everyone else had far more complex lines and parts, and we were only doing the play to ourselves, I had problems remembering this simple line. I can still recall, 40 years later, not being able to say that simple line in rehearsal and having to write it on a piece of card. [Read more…]

Improve Communication

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improve communicationI came across an excellent post on communication, Stop Talking and Start Communicating – which is also a great title. It’s main point is that many people talk “at you, over you and around you – in your general direction” rather than with you.

Some of my posts on communication have been slightly apologetic in suggesting we look at improving something we do automatically – such as breathing. But, as the post author Craig Harper points out:-

“Without doubt, communication is the single most important life skill, yet amazingly, the majority of us don’t consciously work at developing it. Better communication equals better relationships, and better relationships equal a better life. So why wouldn’t we work at it?”

Working at talking with someone, rather than at them, should be a priority for us all. It means being able to adapt what you want to say, and the language you are using, to the particular audience. But moreover it means taking interest in the other person, rather than concentrating on getting your point over. [Read more…]

How to breathe confidently exercises

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anxietyIt may sound silly to have a post about breathing – after all, we all do it without thinking. None of us were taught how to breath and, apart from pregnant women, most of us don’t get taught how to breath in later life. An interesting exception is those who perform on the stage. To date I have only touched on speaking, but for those who use their voice professionally, learning how to breath properly is an important part of how to use your voice more effectively.

In how to improve your speaking voice I looked at practical exercises to help you sound better. Learning to have greater control over your breathing will help here as well. But as I highlighted in do you sound confident a big handicap to being confident is how our body reacts when we’re anxious. The fight or flight response kicks in, adrenaline is released into our blood stream, and our body prepares to respond physically to an “enemy.” [Read more…]

How to improve your speaking voice

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help confidenceHaving touched on this last week in Do you sound confident I thought I’d go straight in and include some exercises to improve your speaking voice. But this is a vast subject – like any aspect of self improvement there is no quick fix. Also, there is no one way or one definitive set of exercises.

Firstly, I suggested practicing speaking out loud. This can be to rehearse what you want to say, getting yourself mentally sharper. But it also has the benefit of toning our “speaking” muscles. Lax muscles of the lips, tongue and cheeks can be toned the same way as any other muscle – by exercise.

Its worth coming back to another of my favourite topics – habits. We tend to get in the habit of using our bodies in whatever ways are easiest, and by copying those around us. Through laziness we slouch and stoop, and adopt to the weight we are carrying. Our speech is also a result of poor habits. Speaking clearly takes more effort than muttering or mumbling through hardly opened lips. Or grunting! Unless corrected our tongue, lips and cheeks take the line of least effort. [Read more…]