Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Do you sound confident?

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I have done a few posts now looking at what we say – “how to say no“, “express opinions“, “express feelings” and confident communication (or “assertiveness“) in general. But I have yet to touch on how we sound, or the quality of our voice

Initially I’ll touch on why our voice lets us down when we most need it. We all have experienced situations when we want to be at our best – giving a speech or presentation, having an interview, trying to impress someone. Unfortunately, these are times when our voice can falter or fade, we stumble our words and ultimately sound anything but confident.

The problem is, of course, that when we want to perform really well, we get anxious [Read more…]

Expressing opinions

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improve self confidence

As well as expressing feelings, another thing that we can avoid if we lack self-confidence is expressing opinions. If you are asked for an opinion, the simplest route is to give honestly and without apologizing. This is an area where if you are in the habit of trying to please others, you’re going to have to make some changes!

If you try to avoid offending or upsetting people by agreeing with them all the time, then you will never command any respect from them – or yourself. As with feelings, keep it simple and personalize – [Read more…]

How to expressing feelings

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My posts on confident communication, or assertiveness, have looked at how to say no, and types of behavior that are not assertive – such as passive, manipulative and aggressive. I also went over a “bill of rights“, that expands on the underlying mindset behind assertiveness.

One right is to be able to say what or how you feel, and what you want. Being unable to say how you feel can lead to frustration, and ultimately conflict. If you feel strongly about something, its important to acknowledge it, and make others aware of how you feel.

A useful way to express feelings is to use the following structure:- [Read more…]

Assertiveness

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ex-treeeyessmall.jpg I have now put 10 blogs into the category of assertiveness – including all the saying “no” blogs and the bill of rights. But I have yet to define assertiveness, or say why it is so important for having great self confidence.

The best definition I can find, says being assertive means:-

“expressing my rights and acknowledging others’ rights. It doesn’t guarantee I’ll get what I want – but it does guarantee that I’ve expressed myself and, therefore, maintained my integrity. It’s saying what I want/feel, voicing my opinion/saying no, being able to negotiate the best solution for all.”

I have no idea who to attribute that quote to – its on a handout I have had for years. Other definitions separate out the two components – behavior and communication. But I like the definition above because another way of describing assertiveness is “confident communication”.

So if you are building self confidence, its important to review how you communicate and whether you are generally assertive – rather than passive, aggressive or manipulative.

Simple “No”

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My final technique for saying “no”, is by far the simplest – but certainly not the easiest! By just saying “no”, and nothing else you may be perceived as rude or aggressive. But like all the other techniques, circumstances may demand it.

“Can you work tomorrows shift for me”

“No”

“Please, I really need tomorrow off”

“No”

“There’s no one else I can ask, I’ll do the same for you anytime”

“No”

In the example we have been using, this may not be appropriate if a colleague is asking you for the first time – but if you have already been through other techniques and they are pestering you again, its probably well justified. Its also useful with strangers and odd requests out of nowhere. This week a total stranger asked me to lend her some money in the middle of a supermarket…… “No!!!”