Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

7 Life Lessons from a Wet Weekend

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This post is about my weekend. An enjoyable, but not particularly remarkable weekend. What’s this got to do with self confidence or self esteem?  The main philosophy of this blog is that to improve self confidence, self esteem or anything you need to learn skills that help, rather than adopting any “system”. Being able to reflect and learn from experiences is an important part of that process.

Salisbury Cathedral
Salisbury Cathedral

Have a Plan

On both Saturday and Sunday I woke up and knew what I was going to be doing and when. There wasn’t a tight, pressured, timetable but I had a plan for each day. Like many, at work I use a diary to schedule appointments, meetings, etc. But weekends and evenings, or whenever our leisure time is, we tend to shy away from planning as its too much like work.

As I mentioned recently, only 17% of our waking hours are spent at work during our lifetime. Planning how we spend our time ensures we do what is important to us.

Friends

Following an impromptu phone call last week my wife and I met up with friends Saturday lunch time. [Read more…]

How to Say No

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When I stated this blog 18 months ago, some of my early posts were on saying no. However, my posts then were barely a paragraph long at times. Writing the past two posts on criticism, and being unable to properly link to this related skill, I thought it useful to update.

You have a right to say no

Ironically this post coincides with my daughter being asked (and agreeing) to do an extra  shift at the restaurant she works at. The examples below were based around a request to work someones shift when I originally wrote them.

Saying yes when you would rather say no causes YOU stress

Learning to say “no” is an important part of confident communication (or assertiveness).  It is part of recognizing your rights and respecting your needs. One problem with wanting to be liked is you agree to requests from others without looking at your needs.  Over the years I have met many people who would automatically say “yes”, thinking that it would help them make friends and be liked. But, just saying “yes” means you get used and abused. [Read more…]

Can you take criticism?

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You may have noticed the new theme! Still quite basic as I haven’t started tweaking the customization facility. It will keep me busy next week. I will also add, my eldest daughter is 21 tomorrow. I’m both very proud, and feel very old!!!!!!!!!!

Not everyone agreed with last weeks criticism sandwich, some feeling giving praise at the same time weakens the message. Like everything I write on this blog, it is up to you to find what suits. There are no rules carved into stone saying how you “must” behave.

Like giving criticism, receiving criticism can be difficult if you have low self esteem. Looking back at assertiveness, our responses to criticism can follow the same behavioral patterns:-

Passive – we believe everything the person is saying

Indirect aggression – agree at the time or say nothing, but then go off and sulk or be critical to others about the person who criticized you.

Direct aggression – angrily deny and challenge everything that is said to you.

Criticism may be unfair – and when it is we need to counter it by putting our own case succinctly and calmly. [Read more…]

Dealing with Bullying Behavior

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bullying behaviourI was woken up this morning to the rather distasteful image of Gordon Ramsey and Graham Poll – in shorts. Both were being interviewed on TV before setting off on the London marathon.

Gordon Ramsey is a well known TV chef, who has an international empire of top restaurants (well, at least 3). He has built his TV reputation by a constant use of bad language – whatever the type of show he is doing. His early TV work was more about him in his restaurants, where his employees were at the receiving end of his bullying and swearing.

Graham Poll was a top referee within the English Soccer Premiership. Since he retired he has been critical of how the top players and teams try to bully and intimidate referees. Whatever his thoughts (he has an autobiography to sell!) its quite clear that the top sportsmen (and most highly paid) in this country respond to decisions against them with verbal abuse, descent, at times physical aggression and intimidation.

Before seeing these characters this morning I had already planned to reflect on how some people do rise to the top by using anger in an aggressive way and being “effective” bullies. [Read more…]