Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Can Gratitude Make a Difference?

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The best time to appreciate something is when you suddenly lose it. Having been ill the past week with a flu type virus I’m suddenly aware how much I’ve taken my health for granted. Suddenly being incapacitated and in pain, lacking motivation to do anything much except feel sorry for myself, it hasn’t been a great week!

The question of gratitude has arisen a few times recently. I was reading Debbie Bills’ lovely blog The Happy Maker, where in her recent post she listed 25 things she was grateful for. Not all were what you’d expect:-

I am grateful for my vacuum cleaner.
Have you ever tried to sweep carpet before?  No, I have never had to try that one, but I have had to vacuum on my hands and knees before, because the upright part didn’t work.

What lists by others can do for you, is shake up your own thinking. Recognise that you have so much to appreciate. Particularly when  going through a rough time (like being ill!) you can forget about what you have to be grateful for.

Gratitude Works!

I have just finished reading a tremendous book, 59 Seconds by psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman. He has written several other “popular” psychology books, one of which The Luck Factor I discussed at length last summer. Among other things, [Read more…]

How to Find Fulfilment

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One of my favourite posts is  How to Develop Will Power. As I say within it, will power is a somewhat overlooked characteristic within personal development writing. Its something we generally perceive as “difficult” or something we don’t possess.new forest self confidence

We can all conjure up times we’ve  given into temptation (and had that cake) or apathy (didn’t go to the gym) – in other words been weak willed. And its very easy to fall into black and white thinking, mentally beat ourselves up, and use those slip ups as irrefutable evidence that we don’t have will power.

My reasons for bring this up again are twofold.

1) As the earlier post discusses, will power (or mental strength, however you want to re-frame it) is a useful character trait to develop as part of building self confidence.

2) It links in well with a new theme I’ve recently added to this blog – finding fulfilment. And a big part of feeling fulfilled, is getting in the habit of doing – pursuing the occupations that give us satisfaction.

[Read more…]

Start Losing Control

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interview self confidenceControl is an interesting concept that affects our self confidence. If we don’t feel in control of a situation, for whatever reason, it is likely that our anxiety levels will increase.

The lack of control doesn’t have to be real. We can conjure up in our imagination all sorts of scenarios where a future situation may go wrong. If you are due to give a speech you may imagine “drying up”, stumbling over words, people not laughing at your jokes, people being upset at what you have said.

Lack of Control

In my opening post I suggest that we have to accept this lack of control. To build self confidence in an uncertain world, with variables out of our control, its more useful to deal with the anxiety than fight a futile battle to gain control.

Feeling anxious, stressed, and at the mercy of others is bound to affect our confidence in our ability to perform the task required. And confidence is selective – whilst lacking confidence about giving a speech you may be very confident in other areas, such as talking with friends in any small groups or individually.

A top sportsman may be supremely confident when performing in front of thousands in a stadium, but lack confidence when required to talk about the event afterwards. Unfortunately, like anything with anxiety at its core, it can spread if doubts regarding one scenario start creeping into others. [Read more…]

Is Optimism the Foundation of Self Confidence?

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Are you an optimist? Do you naturally look on the bright side of any situation? Do you expect the best outcome – or the worst? The reason I ask is I have just read that

"Optimism is the foundation on which all self confidence is built".

Whilst I'm more of an optimist that pessimist, I had never seen optimism as such a building block for self confidence.

optimism self confidence

The quote comes from blogger Bud Bilanich, who brands himself  "the Common Sense Guy". His thoughtful post Haiti, Optimism and Success takes in how people can still be optimistic despite great devastation and how ultimately most of our troubles and worries  pale by comparison. [Read more…]

Build Self Confidence Fast

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This is a great video on building self confidence, albeit rather slick. Its worth spending the three and a half minutes to watch it. Sharon Melnick illustrates how people try to build self confidence by using indirect methods, rather than going direct. She focusses on work situations, but the ideas are applicable anywhere.

Indirect methods are very much tied up in having a concern about what others think of you.  You direct your energy and attention to managing others perceptions of you, not building real confidence. I'm very conscious that this is something I have done in the past. There are two types of indirect confidence building:-

Borrow Confidence from Others

This way you go out of your way to get other people to notice you – to earn a "pat on the back".  Its also a form of seeking reassurance and validation from other people, be it peers or boss. For example:-

Staying late or arriving early (and making others aware)

Over promise what you can do

Bringing others attention to something you have done well

Ask others opinion (when you know yourself) to give you an opportunity to show your knowledge

Interrupting others to show how much you know [Read more…]