Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

10 Quick Tips for a Confidence Boost?

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As I have flagged up before, lists are popular.  And lists of ways  to boost self confidence or self esteem are quite frequent, often rehashing the same ideas.  I happened, via twitter, on one today – 10 Quick Confidence Boosters – in WomansDay.com.self confidence posture

The list is quite interesting:-

1. Straighten up.

2. Note the positives.

3. Break a sweat (or not).

4. Get a haircut.

5. Schedule a girls’ night.

6. Lend a hand.

7. Look on the bright side.

8. Make a list.

9. Set a (small) goal.

10. Try something new.

For one thing each suggestion is backed up by some research or "expert" advice. The other is how gender specific some of the advice is. OK, schedule a "boys" night out is the same thing. But the difference is that women can gain emotional support from a network of friends that men are unable to. Men don't connect in the same way as women – we just don't share personnel information.

The other suggestion that hit me is "Get a haircut".  Ever since childhood having a haircut is an ordeal.  Then it could lead to ridicule, now its just a tiresome chore. I don't know any men who actually look forward to having a haircut, or would see it as a confidence booster! [Read more…]

Review of Fabulous Self Esteem

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Fabulous Self Esteem

The above video is part of a promotion used for Amy Twain’s ebook, “Fabulous Self Esteem ~ Right About Now“. This is both well written and very contemporary.  She has lots of calls to action, some of which were new to me.

What I liked

Amy starts with an explanation of what self esteem is and how it differs from self confidence.  This is a useful introduction that illustrates how people try to sustain their self esteem with unsustainable strategies:-

“most individuals having low self esteem often-times depend on how they are doing presently to determine how they feel about themselves.”

The ebook also includes an eleven question quiz to help evaluate your self esteem. The first three chapters look at the origins of low self esteem and some of the common character traits, or facades, we don.  [Read more…]

Adjust your Attitude

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self confidenceAs we move towards year, and decade, end its a usual time to reflect and make plans (dare I say resolutions!) for 2010.  Last year, in When New Year Resolutions Break Down, I discussed not getting too hung up on 1st January as being the only time to set goals.  The more important part of that opening sentence is reflect – what can we learn from our experiences.

My own period of reflection is still a "work in progress", but one thing I'm going to work on in 2010 is my attitude. Self confidence is nothing if not an attitude – and what attitude you adopt is under your control. Here are a couple of examples.

Gill Hicks

Originally from Australia, Gill Hicks has lived in London since 1992.  Her life was totally transformed by the terrorist attack on London in July 2005 ("7/7") – as Gill put it she "started life number 2".  Standing close to the suicide bomber, she lost both her legs and nearly died – losing 80% of her blood and suffering 3 cardiac arrests in the aftermath. [Read more…]

Let it be You – Tribute to Jim Rohn

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Jim Rohn died yesterday. A leading teacher in the field of personal development, his voice will be heard for many years to come.  I cannot find a video that directly addresses self confidence or self esteem, but this is one of my favourites:-

As he says above:-

"Success is something you attract by the person you become..not something you pursue"

Here are some other quotes from Jim Rohn:-

“Success is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well”

“Time is more valueable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.”

"If someone is going down the wrong road, he doesn’t need motivation to speed him up. What he needs is education to turn him around."

"Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don't fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated every day."

"If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary."

"Either you run the day or the day runs you."

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment."

“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.” 

[Read more…]

Self Confidence

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Why do we need to build self confidence? To me confidence has always been the core of self development; the building block on which goal setting, motivation, problem solving, communication, willpower and other aspects of self help stem from. No confidence puts us at a major disadvantage in life.

Definition of Self Confidence

How do you define self confidence? Dictionary.com says

“realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc … belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities”

The word confidence originates from the Latin “confidere”, meaning to trust. Trusting and believing in ourselves, having faith in our ability in whatever situation we need to perform.

Building Self Confidence

To be more confident then, we have to somehow generate this faith or trust in our abilities. Unfortunately, we are constantly being challenged by new situations full of variables we cannot control. In building confidence, we cannot eliminate this uncertainty.

A common approach to build confidence is good preparation. If I have to give a speech tomorrow, I would carefully prepare what I was going to say. I could reassure myself, challenging my automatic negative thoughts. However, even though I’ve given speeches before, there are always going to be variables that I cannot eliminate or control.

Self Confidence

At the heart of building self confidence and becoming more confident is this conundrum of uncertainty, our inability to control the world around us. Whilst there are many other techniques and ideas that we will cover in this blog, the first and most important is to accept this lack of control.

You can build self confidence by not letting the feelings generated by uncertainty take over.  We have an built in system to protect us from danger – “fight or flight” – that creates what we identify as anxiety symptoms when threatened. Tolerate that feeling of anxiety, recognise that uncertainty is a challenge rather than a threat. Once you start to do that, then you’re on the way to building confidence and generally being more confident.