Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Celebrate the Human Body

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Sometimes you start to think that having confidence in yourself is easier than having confidence in the world around you.  I live in a part of the UK that has relatively mild weather, but in the past two weeks my journey to work has been disrupted by snow, ice, flooding and thick fog.  Much has been made of school closures and millions being unable (or unwilling)  to get to work.  The article I was reading at the weekend suggests things are only going to get worse in years to come…

I’ve also had a frustrating two weeks with machinery, my main computer developing a fault that reappeared after being repaired and eventually needed being reset to factory settings – which now means finding discs to reinstall software. Meanwhile my old spare machine gave up the ghost just after the last post, confidence is crucial.

My car has also developed an intermittent fault – it occasionally refuses to start – that my mechanic friend couldn’t diagnose.  Yesterday it stalled and wouldn’t restart for about 15 minutes – on a dual carriageway.  Consequently I now expect it to be unreliable – my confidence in it getting me from A to B when I want to has vanished.

All these examples aren’t here to elicit sympathy [Read more…]

Confidence is Crucial

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Well, what happened to January? Suddenly a twelfth of 2009 has been and gone, never to return.  Despite the miserable weather (its just started snowing), credit crunch and post Christmas slump I’ve quite enjoyed January. Its been a time of reflection, planning and generally rebuilding. Rather than embarking on over optimistic goals (or resolutions) it great to stop and think where you are and what is important to you. A calender year doesn’t have to be the boundary for setting goals. Reflecting on this blog and newsletter, Self Esteem Review, and how best to move forward I came across this quote in a book I’m currently reading:-

People who lack confidence and self belief always underachieve. They’re less adventurous and less likely to get the most out of life. They’re more prone to a variety of stress related problems, including anxiety, eating disorders and mental health problems. Low self esteem is the fundamental cause of most family breakups, poor parenting and relationship problems. In addition, much crime is associated with drug abuse, unemployment, poverty and aimlessness, all of which are related to low self esteem.

365 Steps to Self Confidence, David Lawrence Preston Well, that’s quite a powerful endorsement of the importance of building great self confidence and self esteem – and its just from his introduction! [Read more…]

How to be assertive

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I have done bits and pieces on assertiveness in the past, this post brings everything together to give an overview of this important skill – otherwise known as confident communication.  How to be assertive means

“expressing my rights and acknowledging others’ rights. It doesn’t guarantee I’ll get what I want – but it does guarantee that I’ve expressed myself and, therefore, maintained my integrity. It’s saying what I want/feel, voicing my opinion/saying no, being able to negotiate the best solution for all.” (source unknown)

When we think of unassertive behaviour, we tend to automatically focus on passive or weak responses to the demands of others. But aggression is also non assertive, as is manipulative or sarcastic language and behaviour.

Passive Behaviour

I’m not OK…but you are Passive behaviour is acting in a way that does not meet our needs – saying “yes” to a request when we wish to say “no”, or staying silent when we have a request to make ourselves. We strive to please others, but neglect our own needs. Passive behaviour is driven by passive thinking – “I mustn’t rock the boat”, “I’m not important”, “nothing goes right for me”.

Whilst outwardly submissive, indecisive and helpless, inside there may well be inner conflict, tension and stress as the inability to meet our own needs fuels feelings of frustration and anger. Examples of passive behaviour include:- Avoiding eye contact, fidgeting Speech is rambling Apologizing all the time Putting yourself down Agreeing to things you don’t want to do or backing down Saying things like “it doesn’t matter” “sorry to bother you” [Read more…]

When New Year Resolutions Break Down

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I have reflected before on the strange phenomenon of new year resolutions. The majority of people never use goal setting for most of the year. But come 1st January they set themselves unrealistic goals, masquerading as resolutions. Sometime later in January they absentmindedly eat a cake or smoke a cigarette and find they’ve broken their resolution – and return to their pre January habits.

The statistic about resolutions are pretty bleak, quoted in The Happiness Project:-

According to one survey, the top three resolutions made by Americans in 2009 are:
1. Losing weight — 20%
2. Quitting smoking — 16%
3. Spending less — 12%
—About 80% of people who make resolutions stop keeping them by mid-February.
—Two-thirds of dieters gain back any lost weight within a year.
—Many people make and break the same resolution year after year.

Part of me feels I should be encouraging new year’s resolutions – after all I’ve created this blog and written thousands of words on making positive changes. A resolution is a statement of intent to make change. The explosion of “goal setting” around January should be welcomed as a sign that people want to make changes in their life, they’re perhaps just going about it the wrong way. So why does it go wrong – and why is a well intentioned, goal setting activity, seen as a bit of a joke?

[Read more…]

Make Every Day Count

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One of the first personal development books I ever bought (the Magic of Psychic Power!) had a number in it that shocked me so much that I have remembered it ever since – 25,500. That, according to author David J Schwartz was the average number of days someone lives.  (Life expectancy in the developed world has increased; in Japan it’s now around 82 years, near enough 30,000 days)

When I first read that figure, aged around the age of 20, it seemed such a small figure. Now 30 years – or 11,000 days – later I’m rapidly eating into my allotment, if I’m lucky enough to get an average quota.

The film American Beauty has a nice twist on the famous poster quote:-

“Remember those posters that said, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life?” Well, that’s true with every day except one: the day that you die….”

In the chapter of Schwartz’s book, he further illustrates his point by saying that every day 5500 Americans die (it’s a generally cheerful, uplifting book!). [Read more…]