Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Dealing with Bullying Behavior

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bullying behaviourI was woken up this morning to the rather distasteful image of Gordon Ramsey and Graham Poll – in shorts. Both were being interviewed on TV before setting off on the London marathon.

Gordon Ramsey is a well known TV chef, who has an international empire of top restaurants (well, at least 3). He has built his TV reputation by a constant use of bad language – whatever the type of show he is doing. His early TV work was more about him in his restaurants, where his employees were at the receiving end of his bullying and swearing.

Graham Poll was a top referee within the English Soccer Premiership. Since he retired he has been critical of how the top players and teams try to bully and intimidate referees. Whatever his thoughts (he has an autobiography to sell!) its quite clear that the top sportsmen (and most highly paid) in this country respond to decisions against them with verbal abuse, descent, at times physical aggression and intimidation.

Before seeing these characters this morning I had already planned to reflect on how some people do rise to the top by using anger in an aggressive way and being “effective” bullies. [Read more…]

Perhaps Britney should manage England?

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I came across this great post recently What you can learn about blogging from Britney Spears – even the title is great! Michael Martine makes some interesting observations and I recommend reading – thanks to Chris Garrett for the original link.

What I found most stimulating was that Michaels observations can apply to life in general, not just blogging. For instance “You can’t really care what others say”

Britney is surrounded by people who fawn over her and satisfy her every desire, while in the media she is the subject of endless speculation, gossip, criticism, and the butt of jokes.

I have said in a previous post on popularity, the most criticised people in the world our the Presidents, Prime Ministers and other leading politicians. In fact the above quote probably applies to them as well! [Read more…]

Expressing opinions

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improve self confidence

As well as expressing feelings, another thing that we can avoid if we lack self-confidence is expressing opinions. If you are asked for an opinion, the simplest route is to give honestly and without apologizing. This is an area where if you are in the habit of trying to please others, you’re going to have to make some changes!

If you try to avoid offending or upsetting people by agreeing with them all the time, then you will never command any respect from them – or yourself. As with feelings, keep it simple and personalize – [Read more…]

How to expressing feelings

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My posts on confident communication, or assertiveness, have looked at how to say no, and types of behavior that are not assertive – such as passive, manipulative and aggressive. I also went over a “bill of rights“, that expands on the underlying mindset behind assertiveness.

One right is to be able to say what or how you feel, and what you want. Being unable to say how you feel can lead to frustration, and ultimately conflict. If you feel strongly about something, its important to acknowledge it, and make others aware of how you feel.

A useful way to express feelings is to use the following structure:- [Read more…]

Manipulative behavior – indirect aggression

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nicolatramp3.jpgI hope you like the new theme – I’ve spent most of the weekend “tweaking” rather than getting down to 1001 other things I had planned!

Indirect aggression – I find this the most interesting of behavior types as I know its a style I have been guilty of drifting into from time to time. I’ve never been directly aggressive and since my teens I have gradually moved away from being passive. But being slightly devious or manipulative?!

Manipulative behavior is perhaps a better label than indirect aggression as its hard to perceive this as aggression – this isn’t hurting is it? Well, you are manipulating other people’s emotions to get what you want. You make them feel guilty, so that the only way of relieving that guilt is to give in to your request.

Sarcasm, deception, insinuating, ambiguity are all tools of indirect aggression. Using the example from saying no, a request for someone to work a shift would have follow up lines like:-

“You would do it if you cared about me” or “Don’t worry, I didn’t really want to go to the concert anyway”

Like direct aggression, indirect will meet needs in the short term by getting what we want. But long term it creates anger, resentment and frustration in others.