Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Expressing opinions

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improve self confidence

As well as expressing feelings, another thing that we can avoid if we lack self-confidence is expressing opinions. If you are asked for an opinion, the simplest route is to give honestly and without apologizing. This is an area where if you are in the habit of trying to please others, you’re going to have to make some changes!

If you try to avoid offending or upsetting people by agreeing with them all the time, then you will never command any respect from them – or yourself. As with feelings, keep it simple and personalize – [Read more…]

How to expressing feelings

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My posts on confident communication, or assertiveness, have looked at how to say no, and types of behavior that are not assertive – such as passive, manipulative and aggressive. I also went over a “bill of rights“, that expands on the underlying mindset behind assertiveness.

One right is to be able to say what or how you feel, and what you want. Being unable to say how you feel can lead to frustration, and ultimately conflict. If you feel strongly about something, its important to acknowledge it, and make others aware of how you feel.

A useful way to express feelings is to use the following structure:- [Read more…]

Can you improve self confidence with a smile?

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improve self confidence
 Everytime I see this photograph it makes me smile, which is why I’ve included it today. Reading my free book “How to improve self confidence“, one quote I liked was

Have you ever tried to smile and think of a negative thought? Usually the result is that one of the feelings will win out.

Try it and see! Basically humans cannot hold attention on more than one thought at a time – if you sit in front of a TV reading a newspaper, your attention flicks between the two, it doesn’t attend to both at the same time.

Positive thinking is cental to developing self confidence, and we will return repeatedly to ways of driving out negative thoughts. But smiling is simple, free, and something we all can do. Is your natural expression a smile or a frown? Observe other people – which ones look confident and at ease with the world?

If you go around with a frown you may find your too serious to let others near you! So smile – even if there is no reason to smile.

Using positive feedback (praise)

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Many years ago, when I first worked in a mental health team, the manager had a simple method of quality control. Whenever we discharged someone the team assistant would send out a letter asking for feedback and comments on how they had found the experience and whether the intervention helped. I’m sure this is common practice in other fields.

Apart from the obvious use of helping to audit the service, the manager encouraged us to copy any feedback letters we liked – i.e. the ones that said nice things about us! Her attitude was,

“There will be times when you’re having a bad day, nothing seems to go right and people complain about what you are doing. It’s nice to having something to remind you that you are actually very good at your job.”

This was my first community job and I remember having positive feedback to read did give me confidence and helped me progress. I reminded of this, because last week one of my staff left for pastures new and wrote me a lovely letter, thanking me and praising me for the support I had given her.

Rather than sticking the letter straight into her personnel file, I took a copy and have kept it my work action file – which I refer to daily. In a world full of negativity and criticism, we all have times when it’s nice to be reminded that we’re doing a good job. When someone gives you praise or thanks, capture it in some way, as we never know when we might need it. Its a great way of building self confidence.

Practice makes Permanent

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There is an old joke about someone wandering lost in New York City, carrying a violin case. He approaches a stranger and asks “Excuse me, but how do I get to Carnegie Hall?”

The reply:- “Practice! Practice! Practice!”

They don’t write them like that anymore! But as I have touched on in previous confidence building blogs, practice is a key factor in building confidence.

As part of my training for my big swim, I’ve been reading a really good book “Total Immersion” by Terry Laughlin. I won’t go into the merits of training by reading a book now, but Terry comes up with a great quote:-

Practice merely makes permanent what you happen to be practicing. Good or bad.

Whilst his concern is people getting into bad habits by practicing poor swimming techniques, this holds true for everything. So, if you are practicing some of the confidence exercises that have been discussed, do ensure you get them right!