Great Self Confidence

...to live the life you want

Unhelpful Thinking – part 3

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Self esteem and self confidence can be undermined by our thinking habits. In this final part looking at some of these unhelpful habits, there are just two remaining. What we have covered to date are:-

unhelpful thinking

Shoulds

Musts

All or Nothing

Over Generalization

Jumping to Conclusions

Mental Filter

Catastrophising

Labeling

Which leaves us with:-

Self Blaming

This is the tendency to blame ourselves when things go wrong, to always assume “its our fault”. Even when an event isn’t within your control, you take responsibility for the outcome. This personalization can often take place within relationships – if a person is angry or upset you assume its your fault, its because you said something to upset them. [Read more…]

How to Say No

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When I stated this blog 18 months ago, some of my early posts were on saying no. However, my posts then were barely a paragraph long at times. Writing the past two posts on criticism, and being unable to properly link to this related skill, I thought it useful to update.

You have a right to say no

Ironically this post coincides with my daughter being asked (and agreeing) to do an extra  shift at the restaurant she works at. The examples below were based around a request to work someones shift when I originally wrote them.

Saying yes when you would rather say no causes YOU stress

Learning to say “no” is an important part of confident communication (or assertiveness).  It is part of recognizing your rights and respecting your needs. One problem with wanting to be liked is you agree to requests from others without looking at your needs.  Over the years I have met many people who would automatically say “yes”, thinking that it would help them make friends and be liked. But, just saying “yes” means you get used and abused. [Read more…]

Can you take criticism?

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You may have noticed the new theme! Still quite basic as I haven’t started tweaking the customization facility. It will keep me busy next week. I will also add, my eldest daughter is 21 tomorrow. I’m both very proud, and feel very old!!!!!!!!!!

Not everyone agreed with last weeks criticism sandwich, some feeling giving praise at the same time weakens the message. Like everything I write on this blog, it is up to you to find what suits. There are no rules carved into stone saying how you “must” behave.

Like giving criticism, receiving criticism can be difficult if you have low self esteem. Looking back at assertiveness, our responses to criticism can follow the same behavioral patterns:-

Passive – we believe everything the person is saying

Indirect aggression – agree at the time or say nothing, but then go off and sulk or be critical to others about the person who criticized you.

Direct aggression – angrily deny and challenge everything that is said to you.

Criticism may be unfair – and when it is we need to counter it by putting our own case succinctly and calmly. [Read more…]

Randy Pausch – stories on how to live

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Eeyore as depicted by DisneyImage via Wikipedia Professor Randy Pausch died last month. Until I read this in my favourite ezine Kickstart Today I had never heard of him. As his lecture from 2007 now has over 6 million views, some of you may already have heard of him, seen the video (or one of the subsequent TV programmes about him), or read the book he wrote based on this lecture.

I had some doubts about suggesting you watch a video – 75 minutes long – when neither confidence nor self esteem are discussed. Especially on a weekend when Team Great Britain have managed to win as many gold medals as Michael Phelps! But watch it if you can, otherwise jump to my summary…

[Read more…]